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I am caught between two swords


smartalex

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I was in relationship with this person for five years. We both were 24 x 7 attached to each other. We had a strong emotional bonding. The bonding was so strong that we could actually feel it when the other was in pain. We were able to bond well because she was impatient and also short tempered and I was very calm and cool. She had desires beyond anybody's means. She believed in leaving very affluent life style. I did my best by justifying to myself what I am doing for her. At times she felt that I do things only because she fights for it. I felt I did things out of love for her but after arranging necessary resources for the same. 2 year back she had an ailment and had to undergo a surgery. Unfortunately, on the day of the surgery, i could not be by her side because i was put on specific job by my boss. She was very upset about it. I had well informed her about my equation with my boss and told her that I can still disregard my boss if she wants me to be by her side. She told me that she would be alright, but during later times she reminded me this incidence time and again.

 

After that I felt i lost her affection but she was still all around me till Dec 2008. All through 2008 I kept feeling that I missed her a lot although she was 24 x 7 attached to me. During last year she decided to put her picture on the face book. I asked her why she wants to attract attention from all. But she insisted and i said “ok”. During later part of 2008 I felt she had become very aggressive, indifferent to my feelings. My discomfort was growing. We would meet daily, have food, go for movies, etc. I kept doing things as per her needs. I was finding meeting with schedules tough but I had a promise for her and whatever be the time I would meet her daily before going back home. On weekends, I would have scores of things to do which could not be done during the week. I disappointed her on a few occasions when she kept waiting for me as i kept reaching late.

 

When she used to get upset she would send stinker sms. I tried hard explaining my practical difficulties but she felt I was arguing with her and trying to put her down.

 

My discomfort grew more during Jan 2009. Then one fine day she came to me and told me that she does not have "those" feelings for me. I was shocked. I said have you found a new love. She said no. After little bit of digging she admitted that there was a new person in her life. She said she was still trying to know him. During Feb 2009 she started dating him.

 

The irony of the story is that she says that she wants to meet me everyday even today. So we have been meeting. She has her dinner with me every evening. She calls up and keeps talking to me. She takes guidance about her new relationship from me. She says she cannot connect to anyone as much as she was connected to me emotionally.

 

To over come my break-up I wanted to stop meeting her but I am unable to do so.. Even recently I went shopping for her and got her some nice stuff. I still treat her like a queen. She keeps telling me that "You are the best."

 

The guy with whom she was dating all of sudden has taken an about turn. She is now feeling hurt. She is in a shock and unable to believe what has happened. She has been discussing with me her on-going problems in the new relationship. She wants me to be around her to comfort her. I don’t see any feeling for me. She is quite indifferent to my pain. But for her own relationship and the pain she received is very high on her mind. She admits that although she has dumped me I have been very good to her and has taken good care of her during her bad times.

 

I don’t know whether she will ever get her feelings back for me. I don’t know how to over come my heart break when she wants me for everything around her. I really don’t know how to heal my heart.

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I've been in a very similar situation (except we were younger, 16-18).

 

This is not a relationship you want to rekindle, and to be honest, I think that you really need to stay away from her. She's thinking ony of herself, and you can't keep giving your energy when she's only taking.

 

It might seem ruthless, but you need to look out for yourself, at this point.

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Thank you for your kind words. I know I have to move on. After breaking up in the new relationship she is telling me "may be something better is waiting for me".

 

I wish I could stop meeting. It would be painful for a while but i could then get over it.

 

Thanks a lot

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