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His friendship with his ex is hurting me


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My wonderful new boyfriend is a caring, sweet, a sensitive soul, because of his ability to love his maintains friendships with his ex's. Of all of his ex's only one bothers me, his long term girlfriend of 8 years. He has stated that they were friends for more of their relationship then lovers and he has no desire to re-kindle their romance. He is estactic about how wonderful our relationship is and wants to marry me and I want to marry him. I'm torn up about his continuing relationship with her. She lives in a different city and he and I will be visiting it shortly. He asked me if I would like to meet her. I haven't answered him, yet. His ex has already stated that she would like to get together but wasn't sure if I would be comfortable. He said that it was up to me and we would do what ever I feel comfortable with doing. It seems like a potential disaster to me...I have heard that she has a major chip on her shoulder and isn't a pleasant person. I feel that if I say no to meeting her, then she looks like the bigger person and I look insecure and jealous. If I do go through with it then I have to potential for being miserable for a couple of hours if not longer. I'm stuck!

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Hi Supergirl,


I do not subscribe to the idea of "let's remain as friends after the break up". To me, a break is a break. Simple as that. But that's not the issue here and I will help you the best way I can.


I can understand your dilemma. Firstly, voice up your thoughts about your boyfriend being in contact with his ex. Tell him "I am a little uncomfortable with you being in contact with your ex". There are 2 ways he could react to this.


He might be nice enough to promise you that he will have no further contacts with her. OR, he might react by saying "why? don't you trust me? there's nothing going on".


With that, you can mention to him that you DO trust him. That you believe nothing is going on. But it still makes you uneasy knowing that he is still in senance with his ghosts of the past. This will also be a test of how much he cherishes you.


Good luck gal.

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I have always thought that strange that people think it's ok to go and hang out with the ex! Would he like to meet your ex of 8 years? There is a lot of history there, and a lot of the conversation probably won't involve you to much. How could it?


I don't think it is insecure of you not to want to go meet this other woman he went out with for so long! Who in their right mind would want to go and do that?


I think if you don't want to go, don't. I don't think it will make you look insecure. More like wise. It is an unreasonable request (I think)



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