How do you stop loving someone

[king6]

This has probaly been discussed many times. But I couldnt find anything that helped me.

 

Ive been with my ex 6 yrs, had a baby with her, took in her previous child and started a family with her. Things werent awesome, but they were good. Alot of bad times, Alot of good.

Ive alwase loved her, I loved everything about her, but she is my first real relationship, and I didnt alwase do everything right or show her how much I loved her. I never cheated or made any attempt to like other women but I didnt express intimacy as much as I could have.

Her on the other hand, kinda alwase left her self out there, and she even cheated on me once. Although I thought she loved me, she wanted to be married to me, kids, the whole 9 yards. Many times I tried to break it off with her, and she expressed that it was like the end of the world to her, she even made comments that she might kill her self with out me. I alwase shruged those off, and told her she wouldnt, I know she wouldnt. But it was stuff like that made me believe she really loved me. I could see it in her eyes, the way she looked at me, the way she held me. I thought this person really loved me.

 

Now everything is different, She loves me, but is not in love with me. She doesnt want to fix us, she says its done forever. Ive told her I didnt want her to make a mistake like this, because it could be just that. She just says, you live and learn. It doesnt make sense to me, because this wasent her thining before. I cannot understand how she just falls out of love. Yet she tells me she has been for a long time, anything I did wrong or said wrong.. just made her love me less. But she was never perfect, infact she was probaly treating me worse then I treated her.. and I dont love her any less for it?.

Its only been about 3 1/2 weeks. and shes been seeing someone, probaly since she broke it off with me, maybe before. She tells me how he treats her great, thinks shes a great mom, likes her kids, and appreciates things she does. She believes this guy could be the guy, and shes still wanting to get married/kids..have a family and this guy is in the running for it. Im not even in the picture at all, infact she doesnt want me to be apart of my owns sons life anymore then the required 4days of a month.

All the while, im stuck loving her. All I can think about is her. Ive tried to maintain NC as much as possible, but It only goes so far when you have a child in the middle. Ive went out with freinds, and it feels like things are looking up for me. Even some women hit on me/talk to me/take interest. And All I can think about is how much I want her. I hate it, I dont undestand it, shes treating me very awful since she broke up with me, said alot of mean things, using my son against me, and shes seeing some other guy, probaly sleeping with him.. and here I am, loving her and rejecting women because of my feelings for her. I feel awful all the time, Some freinds and I recently tested our blood pressure on a machine at a convention thing, and mine was 3x higher then normal, and everyone else would have considerd me healthier then all of them. I dont know if its from the stress/emotional heart ache or if its something unrelated.

I dont feel like doing anything all day, Ive been sleeping alot. When I do sleep, I dream about her, and they are good things and I feel good. I wake up and it hits me that Im all alone, and that shes happy with someone else, and im back to square one. Most of the time I wish i could just constantly sleep, Im happier in my dreams.

Are there any coping skills to kill off your love for someone? Ive been getting to a point that im so angry with her, that I believe I could start hating her. But that doesnt last long.

I know it could never work out for us, that if she did come back.. it would never work because I could not trust her. Shes gone to far that I dont believe its even possible to have a relationship with her, shes a different person, she talks to me differently, she acts and does things differently. I feel like the person I loved is gone. But im stuck here in love with her, hating my life without her.

I dont know what to do, nobody knows what to tell me. I hate feeling so miserable, I wish there was something I could take to forget her and move past this part of my life. The fact that I have a child with her just makes it feel like it will never be possible to move on. I will alwase see her, and have to talk to her, unless I cut my son out of my life. At this point im starting to consider it, and feeling awful for even thinking about it.

 

It aggravates me that she could stop loving me so easily, and find someone else so quick. I feel that she kept me along just until she was ready to move on. She was always very jealous of me being around other women, often accused me of cheating, she would fight with me over the subjec alot. I stopped seeing my freinds because of it. It just seems totally unlike her to just move on and be with another man so quickly and easily.

But I guess she is not the person I thought she was

[90_hour_sleep]

i wouldn't judge her based on the past month. people say things when they're emotional. they tend to act irrationally. judgement tends to be impaired when you're dealing with something very emotional.

 

it's good to get things out. i found for me, sitting down and writing things down was a great way for me to start moving on. write it all down. what bothers you most. what you think you did wrong. what you think she did wrong. come to terms with what had to happen for you in order for this to happen.

 

i don't have kids, so i can't tell you what to do there. is there a chance you could take a month or two away from them? nothing permanent. just a chance for you to get your head screwed on tight.

 

hard to have faith in her current 'relationship'. try not to dwell on that. think about yourself for now.

 

i know everyone talks about this, but exercise can really help. doesn't have to be anything crazy, even just getting out for a good walk can help. it's helps your body deal with things.

[king6]

Yeah im trying not to judge what shes doing, its so hard because i was so blind sided by all this. I dont know what to do about anything anymore, im at a point of giving up. Maintaining contact with her for my son is just killing me inside, shes never nice, there is alwase an attitude, if not yelling/screaming at me. I feel that im at a understanding that she wants to be with another guy, but her attitude towards me is totaly uncalled for. Its like a big game, im constantly picking and chosing my words very wisely so that I dont enrage her to get angry at me. (and this could be easy as just explaing that I want 50/50 custody of my son, that she believes is me trying to take my son from her)

 

Ive been tryin to excersise, but Im not even sure why im doin it.. Sometimes I feel like I want to better myself for me, others I feel like im trying to better my self to make her like me again. Even though she would never notice that change in me.

 

i don't have kids, so i can't tell you what to do there. is there a chance you could take a month or two away from them? nothing permanent. just a chance for you to get your head screwed on tight.

My last convo with her before the weekend, she had told me that I can see my son after its established in court, she says that im abusing/harrasing her. (telling her that I love her, texting her that I love her, Texted her that women had hit on me, and I rejected them because of my feelings for her. Also when I had seen her last, I did not let her close the screen door on me as I tried to discuss arrangements for my son, she had slammed the main door on me 3x, but she says I was abusing her by holding the first door open) All of this led up to het telling me I cant see my son till after court, or when I start paying child support. That could be many months.

Of course, that didnt stop her from calling me this last weekend(i didnt answer ) but she wanted to discuss me taking him this week.

I called her tonight and told her were sticking to what she told me. I need a break. This is hurting me emotionally and physically, its stressful and I dont think I can take anymore of it. I love my son and I miss him every single day, its going to be extremely hard. She had let me talk to him on the phone breifly and it broke my heart all over again. She knows it could be months before I see him again, and then comments that I dont want to see my son, that this is my choice not to be in his life. And thats not even close to what I want.

I just fear that this will kill my chances to get joint custody of my son. Or that when I do, shes already going to have this family established with this new guy, and my son wont even know me. He is only 2yrs old.

 

Its just so hard to believe after everything, our life together is ending like this. She just doesnt seem like the same person. I guess I would have figured it would have been an off and on thing before It became a final thing, you know some chance to fix our relationship. But I guess she found someone to make her happy and choose that our relationship wasent worth fixing

[90_hour_sleep]

she's trying to hurt you...and it's working. really cold of her to use your son as leverage. do you know what's involved with the custody battle? will it hurt your chances if you remove yourself from the picture for awhile? you might just have to fight with this until something's been decided.

 

sounds like you've been pretty civil about all this. do you have someone on your side that can vouch for you?

[king6]

yeah I have been very civil. Not intially, at first I was very angry with her and had said somethings I probaly shouldnt have (about her family) but if you knew the history, I think its understanable, Either way, I apoligized sincerely up and down, and in person face to face, But she still holds it agaisnt me. Also in the beginning, I had made comments about how I knew she was with someone (she denied it then), then she started telling me she was with someone about a week later, and she told me how much better he was, how hes a real man, hes successful, grad from college.. he treats her better and doesn judge her.. I yelled at her telling her this is all new and any new guy is going to do what he needs to get with her

 

I have my entire family to vouch for me, they have been in nuetral status in the beginning of all this, but my ex started burning her bridges with them, when they tried to help with the sitation of my son.

 

Heres actually my big story (people stopped commenting after I posted, im sure because nobody knows what to say)

 

[king6]

You know I had a quite a long talk with my dad (very wise) alot of what he had told me made perfect sense. He went through some of the same crap im going through (but not even close to as extreme) My mother had left him and did pretty much the same thing.

It took about 2years for her to start acting normal to him again, and one day.. she apoligized for everything she had done to him, and that she now realises how bad she was. The guy she left him for, put her through the same crap. But by then it was just to late. It was a bit different then, because they were married and me and my bro were in our teens, and we chose to stay with my dad (we didnt want to leave our home to live in the slums with her) My son doesnt get a choice, and I dont get a voice in it. It really sucks. Sure they were married, but I practially considerd myself married to my ex, I kept the same commitment I would have if married.

 

Something that really bugs me is, I believe the same thing will happen with my ex. I just wish things could be different, I mean, personally, If I was in her shoes and my dad explained the same thing to me, I would reconsider what I was doing and do the right thing. But thats just me, I dont like screwing up huge and learning from it, I try to learn from other peoples experiences.