shellov Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Hi... I am friends with benefits with an ex and this morning, after sex, he came knocking at my bathroom door when I was cleaning up myself in there. He wanted to see what I was doing in there and make sure I am not using the tissue paper we wiped his semen with to "get pregnant" (i.e. wipe the napkin and shove it in me to take advantage of the "live sperm"). He said it was funny and he was just being cautious because I'm approaching my 30th bday and I've been talking about babies recently... He wanted to make sure I am not doing anything crazy like that. He even made sure I gave the entire trash to him to dispose before I close the door. I was angry and thought it was insulting. And I feel like the dirtiest thing on earth. Why do I feel like poo now? Can somebody explain what's happening here. Thank you in advance. Link to comment
COtuner Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 I'd suggest to tell your ex to shove it and don't FWB with him. I mean exes are exes for a reason... Link to comment
lana111 Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Ummmm. I'd have said "who the hell would want you to father their child". Seriously, if he is that concerened he shouldnt be sleeping with you. Maybe he would actally like to be the father of your child/reignite your relationship and instead of telling you, he is acting the exact opposite. For example an old FWB said to me once, "im not trying to date you" out of the blue, totally not pertaining to the conversation. Turned out all the time he was my FWB, he was madly in love with me but didnt know how to say it. Link to comment
Llama Dancer Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 He just insulted your intelligence and character. Leave the past in the past and find better for yourself. Link to comment
bmwm3 Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Because he looks at you as a sex object... doesnt really respect any other part of you... when you give a guy just sex.. for free no other emotion or anything involved. he tends to abuse that rel.. and doesnt really look further at you as a person.. just someone he can have sex with... Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 if the sex is good, can't you just get past that comment? Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Looks like he doesn't trust, or respect you. No offense, but why are you in this type of situation? Link to comment
skydiver00 Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Wow are you serious? Sadly im sure that kind of stuff does happen, but to hear that coming from someone you dated and at least knew some character( or so you thought) would leave me pissed off too... the guy was being a jerk and is an ass IMO. Forget him, tell him to take the next booty call elsewhere... Link to comment
shellov Posted March 22, 2009 Author Share Posted March 22, 2009 if the sex is good, can't you just get past that comment? The sex is, in fact, mediocre at best. But I like to cuddle... The point of the matter is... I really don't know whether to feel amused, insulted, or to tell him to shove it in his butt altogether. I did not think it was funny. This is the second time this happened. I hd a tlk with him afterwards and he said that he does not trust anybody and would feel bad if he fathers a child with a girl she does not end up settling with. A little support, pls? Link to comment
shellov Posted March 22, 2009 Author Share Posted March 22, 2009 Because he looks at you as a sex object... doesnt really respect any other part of you... when you give a guy just sex.. for free no other emotion or anything involved. he tends to abuse that rel.. and doesnt really look further at you as a person.. just someone he can have sex with... which is fine with me, because I do get sex from him. But to tell me that thng is a little over the top, isn't it? Any advice on how to confront him about this? Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 The sex is, in fact, mediocre at best. But I like to cuddle... The point of the matter is... I really don't know whether to feel amused, insulted, or to tell him to shove it in his butt altogether. I did not think it was funny. This is the second time this happened. I hd a tlk with him afterwards and he said that he does not trust anybody and would feel bad if he fathers a child with a girl she does not end up settling with. A little support, pls? i don't support the idea of FWB, but if you are in one I suspect you have to take the good with the bad Link to comment
ratfreak Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 That's some sense of humour he has. I would have thrown him out asap! YOU shouldn't feel bad or dirty. It's HIM who is a sack of crap. Link to comment
shellov Posted March 22, 2009 Author Share Posted March 22, 2009 Ummmm. I'd have said "who the hell would want you to father their child". Seriously, if he is that concerened he shouldnt be sleeping with you. Maybe he would actally like to be the father of your child/reignite your relationship and instead of telling you, he is acting the exact opposite. For example an old FWB said to me once, "im not trying to date you" out of the blue, totally not pertaining to the conversation. Turned out all the time he was my FWB, he was madly in love with me but didnt know how to say it. Well, maybe he just sleeps with me because he is doing me the favor? Is that even possible? Link to comment
bmwm3 Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 The sex is, in fact, mediocre at best. But I like to cuddle... The point of the matter is... I really don't know whether to feel amused, insulted, or to tell him to shove it in his butt altogether. I did not think it was funny. This is the second time this happened. I hd a tlk with him afterwards and he said that he does not trust anybody and would feel bad if he fathers a child with a girl she does not end up settling with. A little support, pls? not sure what kind of support your looking for... we tell it how it really is on the forum.... well the fact that your amused by it, shows it doesnt really bother you.. okay... me and the other people are telling you, what the cause of his behavoirs are... and if your okay with that and the treatment from him.. by all means continue and forgot the comment... but most ladies wouldnt put up with it... remember no one will respect you if you dont respect yourself first.... Link to comment
shellov Posted March 22, 2009 Author Share Posted March 22, 2009 I'd suggest to tell your ex to shove it and don't FWB with him. I mean exes are exes for a reason... I like how you operate, COtuner. You must be a girl I wish it was that easy. Link to comment
shellov Posted March 22, 2009 Author Share Posted March 22, 2009 not sure what kind of support your looking for... we tell it how it really is on the forum.... well the fact that your amused by it, shows it doesnt really bother you.. okay... me and the other people are telling you, what the cause of his behavoirs are... and if your okay with that and the treatment from him.. by all means continue and forgot the comment... but most ladies wouldnt put up with it... remember no one will respect you if you dont respect yourself first.... I am not OK with it, that's what I am saying. I am, in fact, conflicted by it. I don't know whether to feel angry or be amused or tell him how an a-hole he's been acting. I'd like to know whether it is something that I should be just putting up with or take seriously as an insult. The support I need is a possibly of helping me figure out the situation. That is all. I am not advocating for an FWB. Link to comment
anggrace Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 How to handle it? I would just straight up tell him that you are insulted that he thinks you would do that and that you dont want his baby. Pretty simple. Link to comment
anggrace Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 And your feeling are legit. I would feel insulted myself. Link to comment
bmwm3 Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I am not OK with it, that's what I am saying. I am, in fact, conflicted by it. I don't know whether to feel angry or be amused or tell him how an a-hole he's been acting. I'd like to know whether it is something that I should be just putting up with or take seriously as an insult. The support I need is a possibly of helping me figure out the situation. That is all. I am not advocating for an FWB. I would def feel insulted by it... and really wouldnt put up with it.... either i would be single, or find someone that has respect for me... its pretty simple... its to late to do one thing and make it all right... you have giving him free lunch too many times.. theres no way he is ever gonna before it again... Link to comment
shellov Posted March 23, 2009 Author Share Posted March 23, 2009 Looks like he doesn't trust, or respect you. No offense, but why are you in this type of situation? I put myself in this situation because it was working for me... I like the freedom that FWBs allow. But at the same time, I feel that maybe I am inhibiting him to be disrespectful and not holding my guards up as needed... Link to comment
shellov Posted March 23, 2009 Author Share Posted March 23, 2009 And your feeling are legit. I would feel insulted myself. Well, thank you, Grace. I probably need to stress that I dont want HIS baby. Thanks for the words of understanding. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 >>would feel bad if he fathers a child with a girl he does not end up settling with. personally, having someone say that to me would depress me so much i'd never have sex with him again. in one breath, he's letting you know that he doesn't trust you and suspects your motives, he doesn't care for you enough to consider the sex as meaning anything or leading anywhere, yet he is still willing to use you for sex then bully you after he's done. no cuddling is worth this. get a body pillow or dog or a teddy bear to cuddle and it will give you more comfort than this. meanwhile, start looking for guys who like you enough to actually date you, and who have potential to be a good father for your children. i think so many FWB situations with exes are just a huge waste of time and prevent you from moving on and finding someone who really does love you. If you want kids, quite wasting time with this bozo. Link to comment
COtuner Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Just tell him you were insulted. I don't personally agree with the situation but to keep my personal feelings out of this, I'd say if this has happened twice, you explain to him that you have: 1. No desire to have his child (unless you do) 2. Would prefer to get pregnant by someone who will be there as a father 3. Are only in this for the sex so he should shut up and perform! Link to comment
shellov Posted March 23, 2009 Author Share Posted March 23, 2009 BeStrongand BeHappy, Thank you. Your comment makes real sense. Thank you. I have been considering a change of direction. I'd like to give people the benefit of a doubt... He's not telling me to GO AWAY, but he is not telling me that he wants me either. Sometimes, I don't really know how to read into people's behaviors... Link to comment
shellov Posted March 23, 2009 Author Share Posted March 23, 2009 Just tell him you were insulted. I don't personally agree with the situation but to keep my personal feelings out of this, I'd say if this has happened twice, you explain to him that you have: 1. No desire to have his child (unless you do) 2. Would prefer to get pregnant by someone who will be there as a father 3. Are only in this for the sex so he should shut up and perform! The three above are accurate in regards to my feelings so far. So I will tell him that. The funny thing is, he does not "perform" when I behave like I am only there for "sex". I have the feeling that he wants me pining over him. Link to comment
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