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It seems pretty obvious when you put it this way, but I feel for a lot of shy people it comes down largely to this.

 

I will put a list of my self-doubts (in regards to love and dating) that I believe are the reasons I have been holding myself back, and may perhaps be reasons for some of you reading this too. Furthermore, I will attempt to be constructive and counter each point with something positive.

 

 

Reasons:

 

1) I Fear having nothing in common / nothing to say to a girl either when flirting, dating or possibly in an eventual relationship with her. = Awkwardness.

 

2) As much as I desire having someone in my life, I value my time to myself greatly and when I am not around my friends it is all I really know.

 

3) I don't think I could commit as much time into a relationship as a Girlfriend would like me to.

 

4) I fear getting too involved in someone else's life and emotions so intimately like that and don't want to ever feel responsible for breaking someone's heart if it all goes bad.

 

5) Don't particularly want the extra burden of a girlfriend's issues / baggage in my life, I have enough crap going on in my life as it is! Nor do I want to burden her with stuff going on in my life.

 

6) Don't know how I'd deal with a breakup. Never experienced one for obvious reasons, and I worry it may affect me pretty bad considering how deeply cut I have felt from crushes that have led to nothing.

 

7) I don't think I am a particularly exciting guy and haven't done a whole lot with my life that I can proudly talk about.

 

8 ) When I flirt with a girl I find attractive in any degree great or small, I can't decide if I am into her enough to ask her out and I don't want to lead her on if I do get her number. I have already done that once before. Never again!

 

9) Not sure if I ever want to have children anymore. I don't want to enter a relationship and feel pressured to start a family if I do not want to.

 

10) I can't help but find the whole dating game thing lame somehow. I don't know why!

 

 

Well that list was a couple of points longer than I expected. Now for the rebuttals:

 

1) Asking questions to her and slipping little bits of information about myself that may make Her ask questions back to me in return, and finding some common ground this way. If the conversation isn't flowing more often than not then She's a no go-er!

 

2) Might have to consider less 'me time' a small sacrifice should I ever meet someone.

 

3) I will need to work out some time balance between the things I want to do and spending time with Her.

 

4) I suppose this one works both ways.

 

5) I don't necessarily have to burden a girlfriend with every little problem in my life of my own, but then again people in love are there to support and advise each other aren't they?

 

6) I'll just have to deal with a breakup, if or when it happens one day. Simple as that.

 

7) I at least have accomplished some little things, and still have ambitions and dreams, and a sense of humour, that can't be a bad thing.

 

8 ) Next time I meet a girl and I feel I 'have to' get to know her better, that will be the time to make a move.

 

9) Hard for me to decide this one, having children is not something on my radar at this stage at all. Wouldn't rule it out, but I'm not ready for that any time soon.

 

10) I think for me, the reason for this is connected strongly to point number one. I've just never been through the motions of a date so it is a completely foreign concept to me. Strange but true!

 

Whenever it comes to meeting some girl who seems really nice and I wouldn't mind asking her out, just about EVERY single one of those negative points flash through my thoughts in a split-second. By that stage, even if I do want to ask her out, inside little do I know that I have already made the decision - To just not bother.

 

I hope this may help some of you in a similar predicament to me in applying this introspecive thing to yourself.

 

Just remember, next time you see an 'unnattractive' guy or someone you perceive is no 'better' than you and he's with a girl, remind yourself that the reasons behind you being shy / not having luck with dating are more than likely inwards than outwards.

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I understand the fears that go through our minds about dating, relationships, trust, etc., but if you never take the leap of faith, you will never know. You might end up having to go through heartache, but it will only teach you something about yourself. It will teach you what you want and don't want, what you like and don't like. A relationship can bring joy as well as heartache, but do you really not want to experience the joy because one day it might change to heartache, but you don't know for sure? If/When you meet the right person, it might just be the best thing that has ever happened in your life and all of your worries won't matter.

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I understand the fears that go through our minds about dating, relationships, trust, etc., but if you never take the leap of faith, you will never know. You might end up having to go through heartache, but it will only teach you something about yourself. It will teach you what you want and don't want, what you like and don't like. A relationship can bring joy as well as heartache, but do you really not want to experience the joy because one day it might change to heartache, but you don't know for sure? If/When you meet the right person, it might just be the best thing that has ever happened in your life and all of your worries won't matter.

 

You're quite right. I think I have probably thought to myself in the past something along the lines of what you have written here so I must be dis-trusting my own intuition or something... In any case, your point is quite very valid!

 

I just remind myself that I haven't met the right one yet. Who knows... When I meet someone who just feels 'right' to be around, perhaps then all my reasons for holding back will go out the window?

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Who knows... When I meet someone who just feels 'right' to be around, perhaps then all my reasons for holding back will go out the window?

 

Actually, no they won't go away, but you will be more willing to take that chance because it feels right. And, there will be other reasons that will come into play. There is always something, just trust your instincts and you will be fine.

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