On the bithday subject......

[Sev]

Hi

 

I havnt posted here for a while as it justkept me thinking of her (yer yer im not doing so well im back

 

Well im 3 weeks into nc, its her birthday soon and i was thinking of just posting a card, nothing much just like

 

Happy Brithday -------!

 

I miss you,

 

Love -------

 

Thats all, i dont expect a reply or anything, just want to let her know i still care for her and dont wish her any bad in the world.

 

Yes i would get back with her but i realise that is not on the cards and probably in all honesty it never will be, but i would feel bad for missung her birthday.

 

What do you think, is this just going to open up old wounds?

[epsilon2x]

If you were the one who broke up with her and initiated NC then saying "i miss you" is sending her the wrong signals.

[Sev]

I didnt break up with her........!

[uhohlala]

As someone in your ex's position (my bday was last week), I was touched to receive a card. But it didn't make me want to get back together with the guy, and it did make me worry ever so slightly that he has not moved on as I'd hoped he would by now (our relationship was very short and ended a couple of months ago but we'd been reasonably close friends before we got together. He has taken it very hard and I'm trying to be kind but unambiguous about whether or not we'll ever get back together).

 

Without knowing you or your ex, based on the fact that you were the dumpee and you're questioning whether or not it's a good idea, I advise against the card. Even if you're telling yourself that you just want to acknowledge her bday, chances are you'll end up being disappointed or hurt in some way by her response (or lack thereof). There's no onus on you to acknowledge her bday, but you are responsible for getting yourself back to stable contentment without her -- and this is probably not going to help on that front.

[stickman]

It really depends on the nature of your break up. If you broke up and there was still love between the both of you...it may help.

 

HOWEVER.....really think....How will sending a card benefit YOU?

 

If anything, you may want her to think that you are GONE. Only when something is truly gone do we understand what we once had.

 

At this point it does not matter if she knows how you feel or not, her actions will be directed by her OWN feelings. NOT what you say or do.

[Sev]

Well i didnt send one, i didnt text or message at all, i had no contact, i dont know if it helped me or set me back, i think it was kinda damned if i do damned if i dont situation so in the end i chose the one that would do least damage to myself.

 

At least now i know i was the one who had control over myself not the other way round.

 

I am however curious as to wether or not it would of sparked anything back up, but my pesamistic side seriously doubts it.

 

Thanks for the advice

[sunnyv]

Hey Sev,

 

You did the right thing. She will probably be curious as to that you didn't contact her and she may end up contacting you down the road because of it. Keep your head up. This is really difficult. I know. I'm going through the same thing and even after 4 months I still have good days and bad days.

[phishermanjohn]

My ex broke up with me on a thurs. Her birthday was the coming sat. I ordered flowers for her on wed for a friday delivery. I forgot, got an IM saying thanks and how pretty they were. I simply replied that I ordered them on Wed. and let it go at that.

[Sev]

Hey Phish,

 

Your break up is pretty new so its not really unreasonable for you to get in contact in my opinion, if my ex's had been that close i wouldnt of had any doubts, the only reason i have doubt (well one of many!) is that im now 3 months down the line and im sick of making a fool of myself to be honest!

 

Chin up dude, you will be fine, just takes times, alot apprently!