Why can't I stop waiting for her to get in touch

[InRecovery]

So the break up was probably six weeks ago. Its 20 days of complete no contact/ no snooping. I have some really bad days, some bad days and some average days. Some moments where I miss her terribly, where I get scared about her meeting someone else, and some moments where I look forward to meeting someone else and getting on with my life.

 

But in general I'm still expecting her to call or get in touch. Waiting for her to send a mail or anything. And I think its because I want contact so I can redeem myself and win her back, and this is such an unhealthy position to be in I feel like I constantly need people to tell me to snap out of it and focus on myself, and not her.

 

How do I do this?

 

She's going to get in touch once more about financial stuff, but its just to let me know she has put money in my account. There isn't going to be any talk, that will be it.

 

Sometimes its so hard to accept this person who was such a big part of my life is no longer going to play any role in it whatsoever. But yet as much as I know this is the way it is and has to be, I have so many moments of thinking about going back and changing things or what I could do to save us and I feel like its preventing me from moving on and working on my own issues.

 

I guess I'm just venting, feeling frustrated. I had a couple of good days but I feel a bad spell coming on.

[mickie]

Hey InRecovery. Its been 8 weeks since i broke up with my girlfriend and you are right, it gets really hard. I still hope every day that she will try and get in touch with me. She was the most important aspect of my life and now she is gone. Hang in there, sometimes wanting is not better having.

[WomanWriter]

Hang in there! Live each day one by one, taking everything you do step by step.

 

I know what you mean about waiting for your ex to contact you. I'm always wondering when my ex will figure out what he lost, be motivated to make changes, and come back. We were the most important people in each other's lives too. That was the problem for him, I guess. He didn't want our worlds to revolve around each other. While I understand it to a point, I don't understand what he was so scared of. If he really wanted to try and make changes in his life, he could have. I wasn't holding him down. But I guess it's easier to use me as a scapegoat like he often did, putting the responsibility on someone else so he wouldn't have to blame himself for his mistakes.

 

Anyway, I'm not really bitter, sorry. I guess I just don't understand completely since I don't feel the same way he does.

 

I try not to think too far into the future anymore or I get depressed. I had plans and hopes but now I just ask myself what I have to do to get through the day and take care of myself. Prayer helps. I will pray for you guys too.

 

Good luck.

[InRecovery]

Thats my problem. Im a classic over thinker/ over analyser so naturally I worry about the future a lot.

 

I can empathize with not understanding. Your partner and mine seem similar, in that they found an excuse and rather then work at something that was special they just gave up because it was easier.

 

The living life one day at a time thing is tough for me ... I am always thinking of the future and I dwell so much on what I was going to do, and worry so much about what I'm going to do.

 

Anyways tomorrow I book a ticket to go travelling so in a few weeks I'll be forced out of my comfort zone and hopefully this will lead to some growth as a person and help me move on from these feelings.

 

3 weeks no contact tomorrow. And I still keep expecting, but yet can't imagine ever speaking to her again.

[maverick554]

I know how you feel. My ex and I have been broken up probably around 6 weeks, the entire time no contact (except for 2 I don't hate you / wish you the best in the future e-mails, 1 I sent to her, the other she sent to me). And like you even though a fair amount of time has passed I am finding it difficult to accept at times that she is no longer part of my life at all, and that I will probably never hear from or see her again. I think thats the hardest part, getting used to living life without that person anymore. And also like you I often think of things I could have done differently, but overall I have analyzed time and time again all of the things that I didn't like about her, the relationship, and myself while I was in the relationship. Remembering these things has helped me greatly, especially when I find myself getting nostalgic and missing her. Hang in there and stick with no contact.