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Achieving "Giving Up" Stage


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I've been learning a lot about all the stuff behind relationships and attraction, blah blah, stuff like that over the past year. I can easily see where I make a mistake in attracting girls. Well, there are a couple places, but the primary one is having my own life and being confident about it.


I've been working so hard to develop my own hobbies and interests in order to stop caring so much about having a girlfriend, but I just don't feel any of that "need" for a girlfriend that I have dissipating. It still remains, and I just don't understand why even through my new interests and maintaining my own life I can't just give up on girls. I really can't stand it, it bugs the hell out of me because I KNOW that if I gave up it would finally be bound to happen, but I can't! How do I just stop caring? I can act like it, and I've tried to act like it for months on end, but it is not at all affecting how I truly feel.


The problem that lies within that problem, is that I am trying too hard to give up. I have no idea how to get past that, besides caring so much that it wears me out. However, I've been extremely worn out from this, and yet I still do it. I just feel like it is a problem I will never be able to solve.


And through all of this I have learned what I thought I was initially looking for in a relationship was myself denying my hormones. The primary goal for me right now is sex, but then again I have no idea to shift that goal, but then again I am just a 17 year old boy. Because of this annoyance I turned into a pothead for a while because I just couldn't stand thinking about it anymore, but then I realized it just enhances those thoughts. Regardless, it wasn't helping me feel any better. I've experimented with meditation, forcing myself into focusing on other things, etc. but I haven't accomplished anything.


Essentially what I am asking is how do I neutralize my feeling of need for a girlfriend/sex and focus more on caring about my own interests?

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I was 17 once, and this is something you're just gonna have to work through. It is rough, and I'm still fighting the part of me that wants to have a honey of my own, but after contemplation on the joys of being single, I decided it's better off if I was alone and single for an indefinite period of time; In fact, I wouldn't mind being single forever, even though I have the urge to go into the mushy stuff from time to time. However, I usually leave that for the characters in the animes I watch. Sure, it sucks for awhile, but it's all a matter of hanging in there; if you find a way to handle the allergies of spring, summer awaits.

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more physical activity may help - sports, jogging, hiking, biking, even walking

While I support exercising 100%, this isn't good advice to fix the problem the OP is having. Exercise increases testosterone production, which in turn increases sex drive.

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While I support exercising 100%, this isn't good advice to fix the problem the OP is having. Exercise increases testosterone production, which in turn increases sex drive.


...what? Just because someone exercises does not mean it will help make them lust after women more. The exercise quote was meant to help the person feel happier as exercise can also produce endorphins which make you feel good. It was just meant as a relief to his anguish.

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  • 2 months later...

I'm not sure you should bother trying to "give up" exactly, unless it's affecting how you behave out and about. Because if you're thinking of the whole "you shouldn't look for love" saying, I wouldn't be so quick to believe that (imo) crap.


I'm way past a teenager so I'm more about relationships than just sex (don't get me wrong I'm still a young virgin guy with a big desire for it) so I still have that whole "need" feeling and I would like to not worry about it that much but I'm just tired of fighting essentially human nature.


I can attest to the exercise thing though being useful if only just to keep that little bit healthier

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Here's the good news:


There's only two ways out of this:




A. Let go and accept your situation. I mean accept it, completely.


B. Refuse to accept your situation and go for it.


By go for it I mean concentrate the majority of your waking time in finding a girlfriend. Approach women everywhere, all the time.


Just don't stand in between those two solutions, that's where it sucks.

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redirect your goals...instead of wanting a girlfriend...you need to be the guy that can talk to anyone anywhere. if you mess up, they ignore you, or think less of you. so what... doesn't change you, there will be someone else right around the corner you can talk to. basing your self worth on whether or not you ever had a girlfriend isn't going to help. each time you you're in a negative thought loop, ask yourself what's the purpose of beating yourself over the head. is it going to help your cause? what's going to help you reach your goal... not only simplify your goals but identify steps to reach it.


i was deathly afraid of talking to girls, making eye contact, smiling. i make it a point every day to smile make eye contact... most ignore me... doesn't change my self worth. since last friday...i've used a lame opener on at least one random girl. most have given me one sentence replies to which i had no idea how to reply at the time... i've thought of a few things to say in reply though that i'll try... i'll be nervous but its about testing my emotional detachment and not letting the outcome affect me emotionally.


yes have hobbies and goals so that you have something to talk about when she asks you... but confidence is more about accepting yourself for who are and not letting how others think or act affect you. approach girls and practice emotional detachment.

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