Beaker5 Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 My exboyfriend from 3 years ago who cheated on me with a number of people and then left me for another girl just contacted me to to apologize for the "way things ended". I replied with "i'm fine, that's in the past" and he said "he's sorry for bothering me, he just wanted me to hear it from him" and that's it. I'm not going to reply. I deleted the screenname. Why would he contact me after all this time? What in the world does he want? Link to comment
allinmyhead Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 Perhaps he had an epiphany and realizes what jerk he was. More likely he is trying to alleviate some of the guilt he had for cheating on you. It's all about making him feel better not you. I wouldn't bother with a reply either. Link to comment
wazza Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Sigh...women This guy just did something very polite and considerate and you react like he's a stalker jerk. Yes, he did some very hurtful things in the past. People change though through experience. Maybe karma bit back and he realized what a screwed up thing he did. Things happen to people that make them reconsider their behavior. Sometimes they'll apologize for even trivial things they'd done many years back. He just wanted to apologize. He wronged you in a horrible way and he realized you deserved better. You shouldn't be using that as another reason to despise him or suspect him. Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 How long has it been? ETA nevermind it has been 3 years..that is kinda weird, he should have just kept it moving. Link to comment
Beaker5 Posted March 22, 2009 Author Share Posted March 22, 2009 The more I think about what happened in the past, the less I want to speak with him. Not only did he cheat on me but when he broke up with me, he did it over AIM and was not honest with me about the reason. Also, throughout the relationship, he made comments that affected my self esteem severely and took a significant amount of time to repair. I don't think he's being a stalker, I just don't know why he would contact me after all this time. It is kind of pointless if you think about it. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 3 YEARS ago???????? Wow....I dunno. That is really odd. Link to comment
LittleLion24 Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Just my opinion because I've been in the same situation, I think he emailed you to appease his guilt and possibly to see if you might still have feelings for him. Just be careful with someone like him. If he didn't have the guts to apologize in person but rather through email, he might have changed (somewhat) and maybe he really wanted to apologize but sincere apologizes are done face to face and not via email. You are the only one who can know what his motive is in apologizing since you know what he is like. If it's been three years, I wouldn't respond to him either. After all, it should give you some comfort to know that he feels as though he screwed up with you and he threw away something he will never find again. That's ususally what happens. In a situation like this I'm always reminded of Taylor Swift's song "White Horse" at the end of the song where she says "It's too late for you and your white horse to catch me now" and that's the attitude I hope you have. Best of luck. Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Exactly. I think he might have other motives as well. Link to comment
RobD70 Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 My exboyfriend from 3 years ago who cheated on me with a number of people and then left me for another girl just contacted me to to apologize for the "way things ended". I replied with "i'm fine, that's in the past" and he said "he's sorry for bothering me, he just wanted me to hear it from him" and that's it. I'm not going to reply. I deleted the screenname. Why would he contact me after all this time? What in the world does he want? Maybe someone just cheated on him and now he's feeling guilty about what he's done in the past. This happen to me recently. When my wife left last year I had some contact with an ex of mine from like 15 years ago and I made a point to tell her I was sorry for how I treated her back then. I didn't want back with her, I just understood what she must have gone through now that I was going through it. Don't read into it, you may never hear from him again. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Maybe he's been in AA or NarcAnon and is working the 'amends' part of the program? Link to comment
ruffles Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Given what you said about comments he made that affected your self-esteem, that he was dishonest about the breakup, cheating, and didn't want to face you when he broke up, I'd assume he's contacting you now to see if there's any in for hooking back up with you. I can almost guarantee that if you responded in any way (other than telling him to buzz off), he'd use that as an opportunity to see if you'd like to meet up for some reason or another. Unless he is in AA or whatnot and is truly trying to make amends. But generally that would include an explanation of that being part of why he's contacting you. Link to comment
servedcold Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Not enough information to tell, could be many reasons, but after three years, it would flatter me that someone had the guts to make contact and apologize if it was from sincere motivation. He could even think of you as the one who got away. People do change, it's rare, but takes time to figure out if they have really changed. Link to comment
chocolates Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Karma- maybe someone has done the same thing to him now (what goes around comes around). Very weird three years later. He may be in some 12 step program. Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 i wrote a letter like this a few years back. actually, i've written several. not once was it done out of guilt. maybe i had less reason to feel guilty. i guess it comes down to the nature of your relationship. was it healthy for the most part? did you have good times together? what's the harm in reflecting on the good times (especially YEARS down the road)? and if you feel it's worthwhile to acknowledge some of your shortcomings...great...at least you're man enough to own up to that. sometimes it may take years to come to some of those conclusions. i think it's nice to be able to look back on past relationships as positive influences on who i am today (as imperfect as i may be). we're not all looking for a way back in. there are other motivations. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Maybe he's been in AA or NarcAnon and is working the 'amends' part of the program? This crossed my mind too...... Link to comment
rapunzel Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 I ran into someone I dated (not very seriously) 15 years after the fact and he apologized for the way he treated me. It just goes to show that exes don't forget. It sounds like he has done some soul searching and realizes he treated you badly. He's grown up a bit and he feels guilty about his past transgressions with you. I agree that perhaps you should not read too much into it and feel flattered that he realizes he screwed up with you and is still thinking about you. My current ex apologized 9 months after breaking up with me.....the first time. The second time he wrote me a card at the end of 2008 "thanking" me. Three weeks later he shows up with a new woman he's obviously dating. Three weeks after that he calls me to go out and "hang out" to hear music. Go figure. It's not worth trying to figure out why people do what they do. Link to comment
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