What is she trying to tell me?

[WizardofOz]

In the past week I have had plans with my girlfriend canceled. The first two I was fine with; she had some friends in town that she hadn't seen in awhile that wanted to get together. So, we planned to do something tomorrow and now she says she has a lot going on right now and she would play it by ear tomorrow.

 

What should I do and think here? We were fine together last week and now all of a sudden this. I understand that she may have a lot going on but it seems she is making time for other people and things.

[_Asti_]

Is this the first time this has happened?

 

To me, this is hardly a cause for alarm. Friends out of town that I barely see..yes I'd be seeing them. And if she's given up alot of time to accommodate this, she's gotta make that up somewhere. So she's going to do it tomorrow and if she has time she'll contact you, right?

 

If this is a regular pattern, then be concerned. We're talking about a week here.

 

Just let it go.

She may have the time tomorrow for you and this won't be an issue.

 

If this continues, then be concerned.

 

But I think you're overreacting. She's trying to tell you that she had company this week and has things to do. That's all.

[WizardofOz]

Is this the first time this has happened?

 

To me, this is hardly a cause for alarm. Friends out of town that I barely see..yes I'd be seeing them. And if she's given up alot of time to accommodate this, she's gotta make that up somewhere. So she's going to do it tomorrow and if she has time she'll contact you, right?

 

If this is a regular pattern, then be concerned. We're talking about a week here.

 

Just let it go.

She may have the time tomorrow for you and this won't be an issue.

 

If this continues, then be concerned.

 

But I think you're overreacting. She's trying to tell you that she had company this week and has things to do. That's all.

 

What you said makes sense.

Her behaviour was similar to this not too long ago but as I said, we were fine last weekend. It seems throughout this week she has wanted nothing to do with me. And like I said, I was fine with her wanting to see friends but these get togethers were only in the evening. It's not like she has halted her life to see them; she has just canceled with me to make room.

[catfeeder]

Sounds like she's trying to play catch-up after visitors were in town. That would throw me off a bit on self-care, but it would be worth it.

 

In your shoes, I wouldn't start making any neglect noises.

 

In your corner.

[WizardofOz]

Sounds like she's trying to play catch-up after visitors were in town. That would throw me off a bit on self-care, but it would be worth it.

 

In your shoes, I wouldn't start making any neglect noises.

 

In your corner.

 

Even if these plans haven't really thrown her off schedule? When she called to say she was canceling last night she seemed eager to make plans with me Sunday. Then I call tonight and that is in no way the case.

[_Asti_]

Relax.

 

Just because it didn't interfere with her schedule doesn't mean she doesn't have things she needs to get done! She said herself she has alot going on right now, so relax. She has things she needs to do.

 

And maybe part of her having alot going on is also making her stressed or overwhelmed, tired, and that can interfere with emotions and personality. Just because she didn't seem OMG YES I WANT TO SEE YOU TOMORROW..doesn't mean she wants the relationship to end.

 

Its called life. Its having to deal with things, having lots going on, and having AN UNDERSTANDING partner who can just leave you be to get things you need done, done and having them be there so you can unwind when things relax and calm down.

[WizardofOz]

Relax.

 

Just because it didn't interfere with her schedule doesn't mean she doesn't have things she needs to get done! She said herself she has alot going on right now, so relax. She has things she needs to do.

 

And maybe part of her having alot going on is also making her stressed or overwhelmed, tired, and that can interfere with emotions and personality. Just because she didn't seem OMG YES I WANT TO SEE YOU TOMORROW..doesn't mean she wants the relationship to end.

 

Its called life. Its having to deal with things, having lots going on, and having AN UNDERSTANDING partner who can just leave you be to get things you need done, done and having them be there so you can unwind when things relax and calm down.

 

I definitely see where you are coming from. I would agree with you if it wasn't for her acting cold to me in the past. She seemed to get over it, as I said, but now it has reoccurred.

 

I have been supportive of her and haven't questioned her one bit when she has canceled with me. I am trying to express what I think may be going here without hassling her. From what I've read on these boards and from my limited experience, her acting cold and now this behaviour, are classic signs of her wanting to break up. I hope I'm wrong.:sad:

[_Asti_]

Is there any correlation between being cold and whats going on in her life?

 

I get cold, but my partner has learned that it has nothing to do with him or the relationship..its how I'm trying to cope with things in life, whether it be I'm tired, stressed, overwhelmed..etc..sometimes the last thing on my mind is the relationship.

 

But we were able to work past that by him communicating it with me, asking why I was being cold and making me acknowledge what I was doing because I didn't realize I was being cold. And we noticed that life events would affect me in this manner, and he would often times get caught in the crossfire. But now a simple sentence of saying I'm stressed..just makes him chill out a little and realize that I need some space, and if he gives me the time and space, I make up for that and work through my problems so I can get back to him in better spirits.

 

So maybe watch for a correlation. Cold for me is a coping mechanism, the last thing on my mind is ending the relationship. I do cancel plans with him or try and rearange my schedule so I can deal with what I need and not take it out on him.

 

Its about communication and maybe this is where you want to start taking into account her moods, life, behaviors, and see if theres a pattern, and communicate with her whats going on and find a way to deal with it and work through those periods.

[WizardofOz]

It's hard to say if there is a correlation. I would say before when she was cold there was a lot going on in her life. She didn't communicate this to me very well at the time which created a lot of anxiety for me but in the end things were worked out. In this case, I don't see there be anything different in her life. She has a few friends in town who she is seeing in the evenings. Not that big of a deal.

 

I haven't seen her in over a week and we have had limited phone conversation. She has always been quiet on the phone and I'm not a big phone person. I asked if everything was alright and she said she had a lot going on. I tried to get her to elaborate and she didn't.

 

It's tough to say what may be the problem: She may have a lot going on and just isn't telling me what it is; Something big may have happened and she is afraid to tell me (one of the friends that was in town that she saw Thursday was an ex-bf); or there could be no issue and I am just getting stressed out for no reason. I just wish she would communicate what's going on to ease my mind. Like I've said, I have absolutely no problem with her seeing old friends.

 

I feel like if I was busy and going through a lot, I would want to see my girlfriend to easy the tension in my life.

[catfeeder]

Even if these plans haven't really thrown her off schedule? When she called to say she was canceling last night she seemed eager to make plans with me Sunday. Then I call tonight and that is in no way the case.

 

If this is someone you're interested in staying involved with, I would watch my step in them waters... Last guy who started analyzing the way I spent my time got a swift shutdown on that hobby.

 

I can appreciate it if you feel stood up and want to quit asking her out. Then just quit asking her out--you're well within your rights to do that. But if you opt to complain instead? Next date may not be an option.

 

It's not that you don't have a right to be concerned, but if you suspect you may be on shaky ground, your best tactic is to play cheerfully and see if she works out the weirdness. Otherwise, you could be asking for an ending that would otherwise not occur.

 

In your corner.