things going better but

[a_lifters_life]

Hey all,

 

been awhile (for me atleast) since i posted last on here.

 

What's up with the girls who are very social but then when having a boyfriend want to hang with their g/fs disproportionately more than then guy ? It's almost like if the friends of the girl are around, the guy is automatically almost 3rd wheeled?

 

My girl considers being together as going to the library to homework .

 

Anyone?

[_Asti_]

 

 

How are you still going on about this girl and relationship?

 

Have you talked to her about this?

 

You can't accept her, never have been able to, she doesn't meet your needs..but you stick around and complain over and over.

 

Find yourself someone who feels the same. Because she doesn't and never has.

 

It's been a year, and you complain about the same things over and over man. You need to accept who she is, and realize she's not as committed as you are, and isn't after the same relationship as you are. You can't seem to grasp that concept.

[a_lifters_life]

It's been a year, and you complain about the same things over and over man. You need to accept who she is, and realize she's not as committed as you are, and isn't after the same relationship as you are. You can't seem to grasp that concept.

 

It'll be a year in May.

 

How does one not be as committed ? How can one tell you how much they love you, how much great of a person you are, etc, etc, etc and then act like that if friends are around ?

[CallingAllAngels]

I wouldn't accept this kind of behavior.

 

This is not how I treat my BF. He is number one.

[_Asti_]

She just sounds plain immature. Alot of her behaviors in the past I think come down to maturity, and that also plays a part in commitment, in my opinion.

 

To me, love is consistent. It's not off and on, pick and choose when you feel like it. For me, consistent actions show me how a person truly feels about you..and even more so how a person behaves towards me with other people around. If my guy did that to me I would really wonder...she sounds embaressed..or is doing the whole high school thing of "Let's be mean and ignore my boyfriend in front of my friends.." childish games.

To me, thats disrespect.

 

And ocne again, someone who wants to be in a relationship will make time. I don't know of many people who think studying in the library is spending quality time with your partner. You struggle with basic time with your girlfriend..thats pretty bad after a year.

 

Ever hear the saying "Don't make someone a priority when you're only an option..." you sound like an option to her.

[jenny_mcs]

She just sounds plain immature. Alot of her behaviors in the past I think come down to maturity, and that also plays a part in commitment, in my opinion.

 

 

I don't think it makes her immature. It seems like a lot of people use the word 'immature" to really mean 'They are not acting the way I want them to!"

 

This girl seems to want a more casual relationship and likes to spend time with her friends. That doesn't make her immature and the OP mature, it means they are on different pages about what kind of relationship they want.

[_Asti_]

I don't think it makes her immature. It seems like a lot of people use the word 'immature" to really mean 'They are not acting the way I want them to!"

 

This girl seems to want a more casual relationship and likes to spend time with her friends. That doesn't make her immature and the OP mature, it means they are on different pages about what kind of relationship they want.

 

Have you read and followed his past million posts and threads?

 

She's definitely not brinigng a level of maturity to this relationship..so whether that makes her immature or not, I don't know..but some of her behaviors and the way she treats him and behaves, definietely isn't of someone who's in a committed relationship. He wants maturity, she's not giving it. And maybe thats due to her lack of commitment.

[jenny_mcs]

Have you read and followed his past million posts and threads?

 

She's definitely not brinigng a level of maturity to this relationship..so whether that makes her immature or not, I don't know..but some of her behaviors and the way she treats him and behaves, definietely isn't of someone who's in a committed relationship. He wants maturity, she's not giving it. And maybe thats due to her lack of commitment.

 

I have read his many posts about this relationship. I have read posts where he freaks out because she takes 10 minutes to return a text. I have the posts where he was pissed that practice for the sports team she was on took time away from him. I don't think the OP is particularly mature in the way he acts in this relationship. I think he wants way more than she is willing to give. This does not necessarily make him mature and her immature. I think they are not a good match for each other.

[catfeeder]

I have read his many posts about this relationship. I have read posts where he freaks out because she takes 10 minutes to return a text. I have the posts where he was pissed that practice for the sports team she was on took time away from him. I don't think the OP is particularly mature in the way he acts in this relationship. I think he wants way more than she is willing to give. This does not necessarily make him mature and her immature. I think they are not a good match for each other.

 

OP, if this is true and you come here to spill off instead of taking it to her, then good for you--you might keep her that way. But if you complain to her, I'm surprised she'd stick around for a year, much less continue to put up with it.

 

You're too preoccupied with someone who doesn't share your focus. That doesn't make you wrong or bad, it just means you've positioned yourself in a futile power struggle.

 

There may be plenty of girls who would want to prioritize a relationship in the same manner you do--this girl is simply not one of them.

 

In your corner.

[a_lifters_life]

I have read his many posts about this relationship. I have read posts where he freaks out because she takes 10 minutes to return a text. I have the posts where he was pissed that practice for the sports team she was on took time away from him. I don't think the OP is particularly mature in the way he acts in this relationship. I think he wants way more than she is willing to give. This does not necessarily make him mature and her immature. I think they are not a good match for each other.

 

Im far from immature. I'm all about fairness in this. My g/f cant even give me a couple minutes with her on the phone without her friends interrupting us. I cannot get a couple songs in dancing at a formal in college without her leaving me in the middle of the song to go dance with her friends, doesnt even offer her hand and bring me over. Just leaves me. First time ever been at a formal dance (never went in high school) and she does that... Im seeing her true colors.

[Yanet]

Sleep with another girl and see how much attention she gives you then. If she gets angry about it just say something like "I didn't think we were in an exclusive relationship" and continue to sleep with the new girl. If she doesn't seem to care then carry on sleeping with her too. Win-win.

[_Asti_]

Im far from immature. I'm all about fairness in this. My g/f cant even give me a couple minutes with her on the phone without her friends interrupting us. I cannot get a couple songs in dancing at a formal in college without her leaving me in the middle of the song to go dance with her friends, doesnt even offer her hand and bring me over. Just leaves me. First time ever been at a formal dance (never went in high school) and she does that... Im seeing her true colors.

 

Have you not said that before..that you were seeing her true colors? But yet you chose to stay and allow yourself to be in this situation.

 

You two are VERY different in your expectations, thats not changing. All your posts just reinforce it over and over and nothing you will do can change that because you are you and she is she.

 

You gotta accept that you aren't a priority. And you seem to not be able to grasp that concept. So why are you wasting your time? Why do you allow yourself to be treated this way and waste your time on someone who cannot meet your needs. Its time to open your eyes and accept her and what she can and cannot give, or move on. No one can offer you advice because what you want..she won't/can't give. Accept her the way she is if you're going to remain in this relationship and stop complaining.

[a_lifters_life]

Accept her the way she is if you're going to remain in this relationship and stop complaining.

 

Ok, so pull back ? What's that gonna do, she then gonna drag me back in and the cycle will repeat

[_Asti_]

Ok, so pull back ? What's that gonna do, she then gonna drag me back in and the cycle will repeat

 

Did you not try that before? Was that not the conclusion for everything though..try and step back? Either you didn't do it, or it didn't work.

If she pulls you back and goes back to her old ways, why do you remain? Change needs to be consistent and remain. Not do it when necessary. If she keeps going back to treating you this way what does that say?

 

I never said pull back. I said accept that she treats you this way, accept that for her studying in the library is enough, accept that her friends are important and that you're not as important, or that she has other things in her life going on and she's not after a deep committed relationship.

 

Thats what you have to do if you want to stay with her. She doesn't compromise, she doesn't seem to communicate or want to work at this with you, so if you are remaining in this relationshp, deal with it...because thats all you can do.

[a_lifters_life]

That's very true . It's just tough to deal with because its my first real relationship....

[_Asti_]

That's very true . It's just tough to deal with because its my first real relationship....

 

And there's where you live and learn.

You are learning what you want in a partner through failed relationships.

 

You never stick it out because its your first. You learn from relationships what you want and need in a partner, and she's done a great job making you realize the things you want, because she's everything opposite of it.

 

You are wasting your time and hanging on because its your first. That's not love. That's not something to brag about, or be happy about.

 

You need to realize that you are young, and its time to find someone who suits you and is the perfect partner for you.

[a_lifters_life]

And there's where you live and learn.

You are learning what you want in a partner through failed relationships.

 

You never stick it out because its your first. You learn from relationships what you want and need in a partner, and she's done a great job making you realize the things you want, because she's everything opposite of it.

 

You are wasting your time and hanging on because its your first. That's not love. That's not something to brag about, or be happy about.

 

You need to realize that you are young, and its time to find someone who suits you and is the perfect partner for you.

 

I understand that and that's what I ultimately want is to find that person (anyones true "want"). But i feel like within the ages of 19-22, it seems people are disproportionately immature (not to say above 22 isnt sometimes).

 

I'd like to maybe date a little older after this, someone who has a head on their shoulders with a job and all. I work part-time right now while in school . My problem is where do i find such older woman who arent going to be in an undergraduate program or be leaving from it soon ?

[_Asti_]

Just relax. You're already talking about finding someone else, but you're still in this relationship.

 

It is possible to find someone. I was 18 when I met my partner and we were both after something serious. Age is just a number, its about the person.

 

Focus your energy on your current relationship and make a choice to accept her or move on. And then go from there.

 

That person will come. Just live your life, and be who you are and it will happen. Whether it be when you graduate, social circle, job, etc. Don't force it and don't go out actively looking for Mrs. Right. It will just happen and it will be right. You don't find a person and try and make them Mrs. Right.

 

Don't get ahead of yourself, your primary focus is making a choice about what is in front of you.

[a_lifters_life]

Don't get ahead of yourself, your primary focus is making a choice about what is in front of you.

 

I understand that. I dont wanna make the wrong decision but im jumping further and further away from this girl when she treats 'us' like this.