smanfan420 Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 We have all been in this situation and I have no one to turn to I feel so yucky, please read and give honest advice on what I should do. Okay here is my message. Okay, here's what happened. Three weeks into a VERY fast relationship my girlfriend (we were officially exclusive this whole time) and I went out in the club with some friends. It was her friends bday celebration. I brought my new guy friend since I am new in texas and dont know anybody. The first club I had fun even though she wasnt showing me much attention, the second club she pretty much ignored me. By that time my friend and I wanted to do our own thing and I found her and told her were gonna go somewhere ourselves, I kissed her on the cheek a lil hurt that she wasnt showing me attention but wanted to respect her space and even said i love u in her ear. After leaving she blew my phone up (were both 24) crazy thinking I am mad at her. I reassured her I am not. The texts started coming of her saying the same thing. I texted back again for the 8th time literally that if she keeps saying I am mad I will be mad. I told my friend if she calls back I am gonna get mad and tell her to **** off. Well she called back, I was drunk and said to **** off, I dont deserve this and I can get better and hung up. After about thirty minutes or less I tried calling to apologize but no answer. She says we talked and she said it was over but I do not recall that. Either way the night passes and the next day I apologize again, and so does she for over reacting and explains her ex was verbally abusive and it made her feel i was too, and we were made up. Come to find out I get a message from her old best friend telling me what happened after the club. She got a text from aa guy she dated before me to go to his house. She did and they slept together and she lied about it this whole time. I know of this guy and even asked her a couple times with suspicion if they slept together during our relationship she swore on her moms life she didnt. I confronted her on the message and she lied the first time and then finally admitted and got pissed and upset AT ME! Like I did something wrong, I was being so nice only to get understanding from it all and why she can lie for four months and do that to me. It crushed me, I just found out 2 days ago. Here is the message I got from her friend that she sent her the next day. I am sending you it word for word. Is that sultan? Bastard!!!!! Hahah, I know how you feel, I added a pic of the aussie bastard ruining my life (the stalking victim) He's the one that's the 2nd in from the left (white shirt, gray suit). I have been "hooking up" with him since mid july and things would start getting more serious and then he'd be stand offish. So I told him a few weeks ago that I couldnt do it anymore, we could be friends but no sex period. I kinda started wanting to be more serious with him and he told me, "I realized I started getting attached to you so I had to push you away. I cant have a g/f right now, my ex hurt me too bad and Im not ready. " I was like whatever. So he found out thru myspace I had a b/f and he got super jealous but I was like whatever. Well when my b/f pissed me off sat, its crazy cause the aussie text me right after it happened saying he really missed me and I told him what happened with the b/f and he's like i think we should date. He told me to come over to his house ( which is like right down the street from your parents house lol) and I told him I couldnt cause I couldnt resist him blah blah and he's like I wont try anything. Well I went, cause Im dumb and totally hooked up with him and he's like soo different now, it;s crazy. He was like, mandi I really like you. And now he's on my nuts. The problem is, the next day I got back with my b/f but Im not even sure what I want. God fatty - what the hell do I do??? This is the bastard ruining my stupid life (and she put a pic there) Now number one it seems like she actually had strong feelings for the guy and I know they had a good sex life but it appeared to be more than that. She denied it was anything more than sex before but as you can see from the message it clearly states more. Bottom line, I have never cheated although she has accused me on several occasions. I was upset she lied ann did it and her response was "we were broken up and its none of your business" I dont find meaning behind this. It was 4 hrs and we got back the next day. Wouldnt this be cheating? And she has not been sensitive to me about this either, I am so hurt by this all. I didnt cheat on her and I didnt lie, and I am trying to salvage the relationship. Please give me your advice on this situation and any questions that you need answered by me in order to give your best advice. I want to make this relationship work but its hard when she cant even feel bad for what she did. AND make it look like its no big deal. For her its in the past because it was four months ago yet I just found out and knowing she has looked me in the eye and lied is what hurts the most. AND her ex cheated on her all the time and she has gotten on my case HARD about how she despises cheating and never cheated EVER in this relationship and she told me she never cheated in ANY relationship. Also when broken up for two weeks with her ex she ran into her sexy idol shift from crazy town and he tried sleeping with her and she refused, even though they were broken up for TWO weeks she still said it was wrong. Why does this not apply for me? Please give me some advice! Link to comment
karvala Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 All this just three weeks into the relationship? Forget it, it's not worth it. It's obvious that she isn't really committed to you or the relationship yet, and won't be for some time I imagine, and if she thinks sleeping with someone else while on a break for a few hours is okay, then you can pretty much counting on it happening again, and you'll always be wondering after each argument whether she's off sleeping with someone else (and quite likely the same guy). Give it up, it's really not worth it. Link to comment
angellight Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 It doesn't make it right but 1. you were only seeing each other for 3 weeks 2. She was seeing him before 3. You told her to F##k off and you could do better... She was probably hurt, drunk and stupid... Your post is a little confusing (probably why your not getting much response) but if you want to make it work your just gonna have to forgive her and let it go.. If you can't forgive her then you need to move on.... Link to comment
rivercitystein Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 It doesn't make it right but 1. you were only seeing each other for 3 weeks 2. She was seeing him before 3. You told her to F##k off and you could do better... She was probably hurt, drunk and stupid... Your post is a little confusing (probably why your not getting much response) but if you want to make it work your just gonna have to forgive her and let it go.. If you can't forgive her then you need to move on.... Well put! I would like to add that I'm sure her feelings for you at 4 months are much stronger than at only 3 weeks. Maybe she is acting like this is no big deal because she doesn't want it to be a big deal. She doesn't want a mistake she made 3 months ago to affect the relationship that you now have. Yes, she should have told you about sleeping with him when you got back together the next day but you have to remember, you had only been together for 3 weeks. I know you said you were exclusive all 3 weeks but really, how much commitment can there be after just 3 weeks? Commitment takes time to develop. I understand you being upset since you just now found about it, but do you really want to throw away the relationship that you now have? You need to either forgive her or move on. Link to comment
laisla Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 she is so not worth it. she doesn't know what she wants and she's not woman enough to admit her mistakes. move on from this one. Link to comment
abouttime Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 Dump her. She can't keep her panties on. 4 hours is a fight not a breakup. She cheated dump her. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 I can't understand why you're trying so hard to figure out someone who's not even loyal to you. And she blames YOU for being upset? (What should that tell you, really.) She'd be blaming my back as I walked away. Head high--you can do better. Link to comment
alli Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 Eh, I would probably consider it cheating. Essentially, you weren't even aware that you guys had broken up until you were back together. That sounds like too much drama from both of you. For one thing, never ever tell your gf to "F off, I can do better". NOT respectful or acceptable; I don't care how drunk you were. Same thing with her sleeping with the dude that night. Even if you were aware and officially broken up... sleeping with someone a few hours later? Not a good idea. How have the last few months been? If that night was a freak thing & since then you have gotten along well... no cheating, no "F offs", then I would give the relationship a second chance. If this was just one instance of many... might be a good idea to part ways. Link to comment
Nutz Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 It doesn't make it right but 1. you were only seeing each other for 3 weeks 2. She was seeing him before 3. You told her to F##k off and you could do better... She was probably hurt, drunk and stupid... Your post is a little confusing (probably why your not getting much response) but if you want to make it work your just gonna have to forgive her and let it go.. If you can't forgive her then you need to move on.... That doesn't excuse her behavior. She screwed another guy behind his back a mere 4 hours after a fight and then lied to him about it. Dump her. She's no good and doesn't understand boundaries and what constitutes acceptable behavior. Link to comment
servedcold Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Dump, not just because she cheated, which she did, but because she showed you disrespect by blowing you off earlier in the evening and then flip-flopped by blowing up your phone immediately after. Rude, unstable, impulsive, and sleeps around, not a good recipe for a girlfriend. Link to comment
angellight Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 That doesn't excuse her behavior. She screwed another guy behind his back a mere 4 hours after a fight and then lied to him about it. Dump her. She's no good and doesn't understand boundaries and what constitutes acceptable behavior. Hey Nutz, READ the FIRST line...Doesn't make it right but..... Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 It doesn't make it right but 1. you were only seeing each other for 3 weeks 2. She was seeing him before 3. You told her to F##k off and you could do better... She was probably hurt, drunk and stupid... Your post is a little confusing (probably why your not getting much response) but if you want to make it work your just gonna have to forgive her and let it go.. If you can't forgive her then you need to move on.... These are all reasons IMO to just end it. It was only three weeks and she let anger land her in bed with some other guy. Three weeks or not, that is a sign of a behavior that could come out again when she is angry at you. I dont find her to be worth the trouble. Even before the cheating with this guy she was ignoring you all night then acting like a clingon when you left the club. I'd have told her to F off too if she kept calling asking me if i was mad even after i told her eight times no, and if you call again I WILL be mad. Your "f off" was not unwarranted. I'd have done it for sure. Only three weeks in and she was irritating me like that and yea, i'd have said it. Knowing that she was ignoring you and then slept with some other guy because she was mad at you would make me never want to trust her, i'd honestly be so turned off by that first night i'd not have gone out with her again anyway. Link to comment
Nutz Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 Hey Nutz, READ the FIRST line...Doesn't make it right but..... If it doesn't make it right, then why are you compelled to find excuses? There is no excuse for cheating. Period. These are all reasons IMO to just end it. It was only three weeks and she let anger land her in bed with some other guy. Three weeks or not, that is a sign of a behavior that could come out again when she is angry at you. I dont find her to be worth the trouble. Even before the cheating with this guy she was ignoring you all night then acting like a clingon when you left the club. I'd have told her to F off too if she kept calling asking me if i was mad even after i told her eight times no, and if you call again I WILL be mad. Your "f off" was not unwarranted. I'd have done it for sure. Only three weeks in and she was irritating me like that and yea, i'd have said it. Knowing that she was ignoring you and then slept with some other guy because she was mad at you would make me never want to trust her, i'd honestly be so turned off by that first night i'd not have gone out with her again anyway. I have to agree. If the shoe was on the other foot and the ladies here were seeing a guy who ditched them and then after getting pissed over the phone slept with some other woman, I don't think they'd be so inclined to find excuses for his behavior. Link to comment
angellight Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 If it doesn't make it right, then why are you compelled to find excuses? There is no excuse for cheating. Period. I have to agree. If the shoe was on the other foot and the ladies here were seeing a guy who ditched them and then after getting pissed over the phone slept with some other woman, I don't think they'd be so inclined to find excuses for his behavior. Please read the entire post...either forgive or forget, let it go or move one, those are your options...I thought I had made myself clear,,,guess not Link to comment
Nutz Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 I agree, either move on or don't. If someone cheats on me that's the last thing I'll ever hear from them. There is nothing else to discuss and I'm done with them. Link to comment
blue69 Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 Nothing but negativity with this relationship. Take the experiences as lessons learned. Link to comment
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