Can a no sex drive hinder a man's feelings? Stopping him from developing love?

[michiru]

just wondering to the guys out there (and women too)..

 

If the guy has no sex drive, can it hinder his feelings from developing love and attachment to his partner? How important is sex to a guy? Is it more important for guys to find sex than find love?

[top bloke]

To love someone you need to also have passion for them. You have to want them on all levels. Unless the guy is sick or depressed then he she should want to have sex with you in a loving relationship. I believe that a loving relationship needs sex /physical closeness to become an intimate one.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Love and attachment comes from the brain not from the genitals or orgasms. A man can most definitely fall in love without having sex. Before it became fashionable to have sex within 5 minutes of knowing someone men and women would date, fall in love and THEN have sex. So clearly falling in love was not contingent on having sex. Also, a sex drive can increase once a person has fallen in love because the sex is tied in with a solid emotional and spiritual bond with the person. So a man who is not interested in sex for the sake of sex may think he has a low sex drive when really it could be that he is the type of person who needs to feel connected to someone before having sex and once that happens his sex drive would just fall into place.

[michiru]

Love and attachment comes from the brain not from the genitals or orgasms. A man can most definitely fall in love without having sex. Before it became fashionable to have sex within 5 minutes of knowing someone men and women would date, fall in love and THEN have sex. So clearly falling in love was not contingent on having sex. Also, a sex drive can increase once a person has fallen in love because the sex is tied in with a solid emotional and spiritual bond with the person. So a man who is not interested in sex for the sake of sex may think he has a low sex drive when really it could be that he is the type of person who needs to feel connected to someone before having sex and once that happens his sex drive would just fall into place.

 

But my ex bf and I used to have sex.. then it dwindle down slowly before it completely stopped. For a year, we tried to make it work without sex.. he has seen a doctor for his low libido and he was put on meds for low testosterone.. (He might also possible be depressed... work related).

 

I can understand a guy can fall in love without sex but what about a guy who was having sex then it stopped?

 

I guess what I'm trying to ask was that was because our sex life was nonexistent, I'm wondering if it affected my ex bf's feelings for me. He loved me, he said.. but he's not sure if he's in love with me because there was something missing (the sex, which he said is a big part). He always said he feels numb.

 

We were connected emotionally and spiritually, btw. We were together almost 3 years and we both agreed that our relationship was perfect except for that one thing missing... from his part. It wasn't missing from my part because I loved him unconditionally and would have sex anytime with him.. but he was the one with the low to no sex drive.

 

But I guess no point analyzing stuff although I've been doing this a lot. We've broken up.. and what's going to happen in the next few months will show him how he truly feels about me.

[michiru]

To love someone you need to also have passion for them. You have to want them on all levels. Unless the guy is sick or depressed then he she should want to have sex with you in a loving relationship. I believe that a loving relationship needs sex /physical closeness to become an intimate one.

 

I agree.. but the thing is, my ex bf was diagnosed with low testosterone and was put on meds (like i mentioned above, he might also be possibly depressed.. work related). I had all the passion for him but he didn't have the desire to have sex.. and after 7 months of the testosterone meds, he said he doesn't know what to do, the meds weren't working. His doctor told him it could be psychological.

 

I think it hindered our relationship from growing to the fullest.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I don't think that his low sex drive caused him to fall out of love with you...it sounds like his low sex drive caused him to fall out of love with HIMSELF. His depression and low sex drive are probably all intertwined...one feeds off the other...the lower the sex drive, the more depressed he gets, the more depressed he gets the lower the sex drive. This does a number on his self esteem and he feels unhappy within himself. When someone is insecure and loses self esteem then it naturally impacts their feelings for their partner. So I really think this is more about HIM than about you. He needs to work out what HIS problem is and maybe once he can sort that out (if he can sort it out) he will be able to love himself and then give love to, hopefully you.

[Blue Streak]

I don't believe so. You have to understand we are not all built the same. My interest in women is mostly emotional. For myself, sex, is a nice aspect, not a priority, in a good relationship. Am I an oddball, apparently so when perceived by the media style masses, even though I am quite the norm, when quality research/data is performed.

[michiru]

I don't think that his low sex drive caused him to fall out of love with you...it sounds like his low sex drive caused him to fall out of love with HIMSELF. His depression and low sex drive are probably all intertwined...one feeds off the other...the lower the sex drive, the more depressed he gets, the more depressed he gets the lower the sex drive. This does a number on his self esteem and he feels unhappy within himself. When someone is insecure and loses self esteem then it naturally impacts their feelings for their partner. So I really think this is more about HIM than about you. He needs to work out what HIS problem is and maybe once he can sort that out (if he can sort it out) he will be able to love himself and then give love to, hopefully you.

 

My friends at work.. that is exactly what they said too... that he has to love himself before he can love me. I agree about the low sex drive and depression intertwining.. i hope he would realize this as well... he said he was going to see a therapist.. i hope he will go through with that. Right now I'm giving him space so we have no communication.

 

I do want him back though.. I care about him a lot and want to be there for him.

[stingray]

You don't need a sex drive to love someone. Sex is just an addon to the relationship...

[rivercitystein]

When his dr told him it could be psychological did he go for help?

[michiru]

When his dr told him it could be psychological did he go for help?

 

His doctor told him that maybe a week before we broke up. He said he will go see a therapist. But I haven't talked to him since then since I'm giving him his space.

[top bloke]

A few years ago I tried a health food supplement called tribulus terestis. The effect on my sexual desire was profound. I found myself thinking about sex nearly all the time. I am going to recommend you get some for him as it is great stuff..it works. Its worth a try and im sure that if it works it could be what is needed.

[07071970]

I don't believe so. You have to understand we are not all built the same. My interest in women is mostly emotional. For myself, sex, is a nice aspect, not a priority, in a good relationship. Am I an oddball, apparently so when perceived by the media style masses, even though I am quite the norm, when quality research/data is performed.

 

...this is indeed an interesting thread. in a sexless relationship, unless both are sexless, the other partner may be prone to stray. And if you can't get it up or perform, it is always nice to go down, drink her, or worship her body like it is a golden chalice, imho.