Just broke up after 3 years, need some advice.

[nomorelovish]

Hello everyone-

My boyfriend of 3 years just broke up with me, his reason being that he needs some space to get his life in order, in other words the "it's not you it's me" bit. I don't really feel like going into the details just yet, but I do need some advice on what to do about a cruise that we booked for this summer. We have already paid the deposit for our getaway, and he says that he still wants to go and intends to pay the rest of his way and continue with the trip.

 

I plan on going NC immediately to help myself heal, but my question is do I call and cancel the cruise and lose out on the money I have already dumped in? Do I find someone to replace him (if possible)? Do I allow him to pay and go on the cruise with me? We had very serious plans of having a long lasting relationship, we were very committed,and I just think he's lost right now and feels like being in a long-distance relationship is too much for him to handle at this point in his life. He says that he hopes being away from each other will allow him the space he needs to continue the relationship the right way if we ever get back together. I'm wondering if I should leave the door slightly open by planning on going on the cruise with him a few months from now, as I'm sure by that point if we have not reconciled we will atleast be friends, or if I should just cut him out for good. I'm just really confused and really hurt at this point, and any advice is greatly appreciated.

[Pixiedoc]

Wow, this is really difficult and almost exactly the same as my dilemma - together for 2 years and planned a holiday/work visit for July/Aug - split up for nearly 2 week now. He says he wants to be friends but after a week of being warm has been very cool this week with hardly any texts etc. What sort of contact have you had with him recently? I cannot really cancel my trip so we are planning to stay friends no matter what but as it was he who decided it was over (for almost precisely the same reasons as your bf) I'm not sure I will be able to sustain 'friendship' for so long. How do you feel about it?

[nomorelovish]

The way I feel is that if someone has feelings strong enough to no longer pursue a relationship with me after 3 years, the relationship wasn't as strong as it needed to be and by giving up he gave up the chance of being my friend for now. By staying friends with an ex, it only prolongs the pain in my eyes, and from past experience I know the best way to deal with a break-up is to just stay clear of each other for a long time and let the raw emotions subside. It was a very amicable split, no yelling, only a few tears, and I know he's just confused because he wants to remain in contact and meet up with me. I'm not going to be his safety net, and I don't plan on staying in contact with him and meeting up just as friends, because I think in order for him to have his space and time to think I need to be out of his life forever. That be said, I do still want to go on the cruise, and there are other people involved with the trip, so I can't just backout on them. I feel like in time my ex will come around, and the cruise might be a good thing to look forward to, but I don't want to give myself false hope either. The fact that he is still 100% committed to going also makes the whole thing confusing. If he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me anymore, why does he want to go on a romantic trip that we planned?

[Pixiedoc]

Your level headed approach is fantastic. You seem to have worked through all the key issues already But if you stay away from each other if you go on the cruise there is the distinct possibility you won't even be friends so how are you going to handle that? Are you going to leave contact to him in the hope of having a friendship by the time you go on the cruise?

[ratfreak]

How much $ did you spend already?

 

I would take the loss if it meant healing sooner.

 

Could you sell your spot to someone else maybe?

[nomorelovish]

I really don't want to be friends with him right now. I'm so hurt by his decision and how he's acting like we can just go straight into being friends. I know he just wants to keep me in his life, and I think it's so ridiculous that he even still wants to go on this cruise. I've been talking to the other people who were planning on going with us, and they are fine with whatever decision I make, so at this point I can really go either way. I talked to my mom about it and she thought that it might be a good thing to just take some space and then maybe go ahead and go on the cruise later, seeing as the breakup isn't bad and it might allow us some space until then, and then perhaps we can start working on things. However, I'm not an idiot and I know I shouldn't keep any hope of that happening at all. A break-up means its broken, and I'm shouldn't count on us reconciling because it will just set me back (easier to say than to actually act on).

 

ratfreak- I have already dumped in 300, and another 500 will be automatically taken out of my bank account sometime in April. So basically I have a month to decide whether to cancel the whole thing or see if the travel company will let me switch it in to someone else's name, or decide just to go through with it and go with him. This is so frustrating for me to have to think about right after the breakup, and I really wish there was just a clear solution for what to do.