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How to "pick up" in not so social places


wazza

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So, I was just reading 4 pages out of the 5 page long conversation on places to meet people, and saw the usual coffee shop and book store mentioned. Now most of my previous pickups/hookups/S.O.s i've met through classes, house parties, friendly gatherings where being social is easy and expected. A couple have also approached me randomly at breakfast and other random situations and from there we would date or hook up. But I've never understood how to meet people in coffee shops or book stores. I hear about it all the time from my friends. One of my friends told me she met a guy at a coffee shop because she needed a place to sit and the only available place was at his table for two. Personally i see bookstores and coffee shops as places where people usually want to be alone, not as places social places. I see people at their tables reading or relaxing and looking like they're enjoying their personal space. I've passed by a few coffee shops where girls have clearly been checking me out and hoping i'd come in to them (I know this cause they smiled and even waved at me, and I don't know them). Most of them were young or with friends though. Also you don't want to interrrupt their time with their friends.

 

So how do I go about meeting people in these coffee shops and bookstore kinds of settings without feeling like i'm invading their space?

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You can meet people anywhere. Smile and say hi. Make a joke or a comment about anything going on around you. What they're drinking. What they're reading. Ask their opinion on a book or a drink. Ask them a question.You'll know if they're receptive or not pretty much right away.

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I would use body language to judge. If the person seems totally absorbed in something they are reading or working on, you can sit down but I wouldn't say more than "hello" and smile. If you see they are people watching a bit, or daydreaming a little, I would consider if reasonably safe to venture a friendly question like, "Seems unusually crowded in here today, don't you think?" or "I saw that book when I was browsing earlier, what do you think about it?" Stick to friendly ventures, not pick up line behavior. If things go really well, you could offer to buy a refill of their drink or something to thank them for chatting with you... that's kind of leaving an opening to move towards something more.

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You can meet people anywhere. Smile and say hi. Make a joke or a comment about anything going on around you. What they're drinking. What they're reading. Ask their opinion on a book or a drink. Ask them a question.You'll know if they're receptive or not pretty much right away.

 

exactly.

 

i don't always go off of body language because some girls look agitated for some other reason, not because they don't want to meet someone. sometimes they are agitated because they went out the house that day hoping to meet someone, but they have it in their mind that it never happens. i try either way.

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exactly.

 

i don't always go off of body language because some girls look agitated for some other reason, not because they don't want to meet someone. sometimes they are agitated because they went out the house that day hoping to meet someone, but they have it in their mind that it never happens. i try either way.

 

I'd be grumpy if you bothered me while I was focused on something. Unless you were breathtakingly handsome (don't answer that, ghost...

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yo guys i'm hooking up with girls all the time almost anywhere cause you know all the girls want me but i dunno how to go up and talk to a girl in a coffee shop when i see her getting all wet from just seeing me please help

 

If they're waving and smiling at you then obviously they are inviting you to approach them. At the very least you can ask them why they waved at you.

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yo guys i'm hooking up with girls all the time almost anywhere cause you know all the girls want me but i dunno how to go up and talk to a girl in a coffee shop when i see her getting all wet from just seeing me please help

 

If they're waving and smiling at you then obviously they are inviting you to approach them. At the very least you can ask them why they waved at you.

 

a little stuck on yourself?

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yo guys i'm hooking up with girls all the time almost anywhere cause you know all the girls want me but i dunno how to go up and talk to a girl in a coffee shop when i see her getting all wet from just seeing me please help

 

If they're waving and smiling at you then obviously they are inviting you to approach them. At the very least you can ask them why they waved at you.

 

And if they're not waving and smiling at you? Maybe this happens to you all the time, but not to most of us. If I can't tell if a girl has any interest, or she doesnt exhibit it in some way, I'm not sure how to do the approach/intro/converse/.get #/ follow through, etc.

Coffee shop, park, any situation the whole spotting someone to dating them is a mysterious progression to me. I've been trying to figure out these steps or how it could work but it's not a skill I have. Easier said than done maybe...

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So how do I go about meeting people in these coffee shops and bookstore kinds of settings without feeling like i'm invading their space?

There's no way around it, you're going to be invading their personal space. But you're to sensitive to it, like you think it's a bad thing. When you approach, you have to have the right body language and voice in order to make the other person feel at ease. You can only learn this with experience and if possible someone observing you.

 

As for what to say, I use prescripted openers a la "The Pick Up Artist" style and with great success. Everyone at least answers my question, and about 70% I'm able to transition into normal conversation.

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And if they're not waving and smiling at you? Maybe this happens to you all the time, but not to most of us.

 

I've passed by a few coffee shops where girls have clearly been checking me out and hoping i'd come in to them (I know this cause they smiled and even waved at me, and I don't know them).

 

I was directing the comment at him, considering he said they wave and smile at him.

 

The first part of my post was a mockery of his unsubtle brag about how many girls he can hook up with.

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lol i realize it wasn't subtle but I wasn't trying to brag. I'm definitely not that lucky haha but it's kind of obvious when a girl keeps eying you each time you walk past a coffee shop. Its not a common occurrence in my life at all, and unfortunately i didn't get to take advantage of the opportunity since I was in a relationship at the time

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I'm a big fan of the direct approach during the day. People have things to do so IMO just let it rip and put it out there:

 

Hi, I'm ____. (and shake her hand) I saw you from xyz and thought you were completely cute/adorable and knew if I didn't meet you I'd be kicking myself the rest of the afternoon.

 

The other "opener" I like that's pretty direct is:

 

 

Hi, do you know where xyz is (or what time it is)? I'm just kidding. I came over to flirt with you. I'm ____. (and shake her hand)

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