Long distance relationships

[elphie15]

I've been dating this guy for a few months now, and he's moving away for work (he's in the military) this summer.

 

Here's the thing... I've dated guys in the past, but I've never felt this way about anyone before. He's almost always on my mind, and even when I get him off my mind, something small will suddenly remind me of him. I could never ask him to stay for me, because it would probably mean costing him his job. But I want to at least try to salvage our relationship through long distance.

 

The problem with both of us is that we are both somewhat passive/afraid of talking about certain things. I know for a fact he is specifically looking for a long term relationship, but he's told me that he tends not to try and get attached to people because he moves around so much. So why not TRY to do something long distance with someone who is willing to?

 

I don't know how to approach this with him. I'm afraid if I discuss the fact that I have feelings for him that it will cost me any possibility of us being friends, and I always want to be apart of his life, even if it is just as a friend. But I also don't want him to leave town and then have me regret never saying anything.

 

I've never gotten this far into a relationship before and I'm scared. The last few weeks, I have been more cautious around him and I do think it has strained our relationship a little. But I also realize if I sincerely want a relationship with him, I'm going to have to be able to communicate with him about things ESPECIALLY if we try this long term thing.

 

I am probably over thinking this WAY more than I should and should just grow a pair and talk to him, lol. I'm just not sure how to do it. Any help on talking with him, as well as any tips regarding long distance relationships would be greatly appreciated.

[Rose21]

Give it a shot.

 

Don't know until you try.

 

I would of never done distance for any other guy then my boyfriend.

 

He makes me feel like I can fly, and he's the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

 

So a little distance before I can transfer to his school is no problem.

 

If you really feel so strongly for this guy, you should give it a try.

 

And talk to him about it, tell him your shy but you really want to make it work.

[Dragunov-21]

I'm with Rose on this one. Go for it. In my exerience, something as trivial =P as a declaration of love won't screw up a true friendship.

 

Seriously, if you think there's the possibility of something, tell him.

 

And you're right, you DO need to be able to communicate with him. Trust me on this, if you can break through that little block, communication will become much easier.

[elphie15]

Sorry for the delay... was a hellish weekend without the internet!

 

I think I'm mostly scared because this is the first guy I've really seriously dated, so I've never really had "the talk" before. And the fact that he's moving makes it even more complicated.

 

I admit I've had confidence issues with guys before, and the anxiety over talking to him about this is preventing me from doing it. I get nauseated just thinking about doing it... but I know I have to!! So I guess at this point, it's not a question of whether or not I SHOULD do it, but just how to go about doing it. Any help with that would be awesome

[Dragunov-21]

I'm no expert lol, but here's an idea, for what it's worth.

 

If things have been strained between the two of you, use that as an opener.

 

Say that you're sorry if you've seemed a little funny recently, but it's because you've realised how much you'll miss him. You should be able to lead in from that, if you think that approach will work for you.