girls making the first move

[sadstuff]

Hey guys! So I was wondering what your opinion was on girls making the first move. There is this guy that I like, we’ve hung out in a group about 5 times now and he hasn’t made a move on me. He does seem like a shy person and so am I so I was thinking of making the first move. Pretty much just messaging him about a show he was talking about and saying how I have one of the seasons if hes interested in borrowing it. I know thats not subtle at all but I thought it would at least open the door to a conversation. I know I have nothing to lose but I just want to know what your intake is on a girl going after a guy.. and by him not making a move means that hes not interested or too shy. (Im not sure if this means anything but we were playing pool and I think he might have let me win )

 

What do you guys think?

[Xplode]

ok.. being straight up..

 

i had a girl be upfront with me, i was talking on Facebook, and she was like we should go to such and such on the weekend one day. i was all yeah no worries.

 

was good because makes me feel like im worth asking out...

 

you know so it was well worth it in my eyes.

[20 One]

I can't speak for all guys - but I too am very slow and shy when it comes to making moves on women. It's a respect thing for me, and I never feel like it's appropriate unless I know the feelings are reciprocated 100%.

 

However, if a woman I did appreciate decided to come after me I'd be super excited and would feel very good about myself. If you have reason to believe he has some feelings for you, you're going to make him feel exceptionally well and maybe help him break out of his shell by making the first move.

 

Good luck!

[Keyman]

I think it is great thing to have a girl ask me out. But girls must understand that the same rules of engagement exist. If a girl asks me out and I'm not attracted to her, the I'm gonna say no.

 

In your case, I'm not sure if offering the season ticket is the way to go. Sure it would open up opportunities for conversation after the event, but then it might not. Why don't you ask him out for a coffee instead. That way, assuming he says yes, you can converse with him now.

[COtuner]

I think it depends on whether the guy is attracted to you or not. I recently asked someone out and I think he freaked out. It wasn't meant to be a date date, just a get to know each other thing since I'm just starting to think about getting back out there. I did it casually, no pressure. He accepted, but in a very casual way, even talking about bringing along a wingman. Since then, I've taken the risk of letting him know in a gentle way that I find him interesting... and am waiting to see if that really freaked him out or not. He's not really my type, but there's a high level of things in common that keep turning up and it caught my attention because it's unusual stuff.

 

I think the situation, the attraction factor, and the person's past experiences all contribute to a woman's chances. (and yes guys, I know it's the same for you in many cases)

[COtuner]

I think you would have done better asking if he'd like to go with you. Guys like that usually, I've learned. I do that to make friends a lot - stands to reason it could work for dating too

[lostandhurt]

Go for it! There is no reason you should wait for him. At the least you will put yourself in a better position to see how he feels about you. Some guys need to be hit over the head to get the hint while others won't leave you alone after you tell them "no thanks"

 

Make it real easy for him to "get" that you like him.

 

good luck

 

lost

[ghost69]

nothing wrong with it at all. sometimes guys are oblivious when a girl is into them.

[acinom]

I've read books and have personal experience to the effect that if you ask a guy out he will run a mile. It could be fine in America where people have more confidence but where I live it is doom.

[Blue Streak]

Your sex is irrelevant in today's generation. The reality is that you will never know and potentially always wonder if you do not make a move. Go for it and good luck!!!

[acinom]

your gender is always relevant. Men might like the idea of being asked but it doesn't take them long to get tired of what they got without effort.

[COtuner]

your gender is always relevant. Men might like the idea of being asked but it doesn't take them long to get tired of what they got without effort.

 

That's an interesting perspective, and kind of ties to things I've thought before. Relationships where I have made myself very obvious and available to the man always turned out to be awful. Probably coincidence... but....

 

Makes me kinda rethink the flirtations I've had with my crush... guess I'm glad I have backed off to nothing more than a big smile and being happy to see him.

[acinom]

I have had guys like me in the past and when I got tired of waiting I would take the initiative they would run for the hills. One guy spent five years pining for me. When I asked him out he said he wasn't interested even though he had been telling his best male friend how great I was. I was so fed up I said fine and cut all ties with him. Five years later I see him again and there he is looking at me and telling me how great i am. I blank him though. I'm not going to make life easy for him.

I suspect that it is a self-esteem thing. If they get you without work then you must not be worth much. It could also be why nice girls and guys sometimes get treated so badly.

[sadstuff]

Ive been trying to gather the courage to ask him to this concert coming up... but after seeing most of these post I think Ill just play the waiting game.. if hes interested hell hopefully say something.. and if hes not then I didnt really lose anything. Im just worries hes the shy type.. so maybe he wont go after someone if hes not completely sure they like them back.

[COtuner]

Just play the situation as it happens, don't rely on posts from us.... we can give experience and scenarios, but we don't know this guy. If your gut is telling you it makes sense, then try it. The gut can be very smart.