Am I wrong?

[fixyou_]

I posted this earlier, but it got nabbed for swearing. Oops.

 

 

 

Am I really just a selfish, dumb 20 year old?

 

I love at home and go to college. I babysit my brother (i.e. getting him up in the morning for breakfast and school...making sure that my CLASSES are between 9-2 so I can be HOME to get HIM...and waiting til my parents come home if I had somewhere to go) for less than they would pay for day care, which is mutually beneficial.

 

I am not allowed to tell him what to do. I ask/tell him to pick up his backpack, clothes, dishes,etc. ....and he refuses or tries to hide them. He's 10. I understand kids are like that, but telling me it's "none of my business", seriously?

 

I ask my mom and step-dad to PLEASE not smoke in the house...which they show no concern over. I ask them to turn on the fan so it won't be so bad, but they still don't care. They throw their cigarettes all over the lawn, and when I had my little cousin over she was trying to EAT THEM. Oh, and they don't even bother with ASHTRAYS, they instead use drinking CUPS.

 

We live in a relatively expensive, suburban neighborhood. There is no reason to make the neighborhood look bad with a gross, unkept lawn.

 

When I ask my mom a question, for instance, if she would co-sign on a new car for me (which she told me that I needed to consider getting a new car after I told her I needed to work nights this summer to save up for things), and she replied with a preoccupied, bit*** "yeah". She was checking something on a lottery card. Then I said whatever, because she wasn't even paying attention to me. I had questions about buying a new car, but she just assumed that I already knew or she just didn't want to talk to me. I honestly don't understand. Whenever I have to ask her something of importance, she's always preoccupied on something far less important (lottery, playing video games with my brother, and things along those lines).

 

I would honestly bet my life on her not knowing ONE goddamn class i've taken. I'm an honors student. I got accepted/transferred to a better, awesome college and I got a discount for my high GPA. I wrote a 20 page paper on Dante's Inferno. I wrote a 17 page paper on AD/HD. I'm taking French as a directed study.

 

When I'm trying to do my homework, I usually have to do it at the kitchen table when it's free because they took the heat out of my room and my brother's desk is too small for me. Of course, they won't keep the noise down to the minimum for even 20 minutes. BUT, when it's something for my brother, he gets it, no questions asked, and no bs taken.

 

If he's salivating over his xbox, then I have to be quiet. All that kid ever does is play xbox and watch tv. He doesn't listen to me. I try to get him out, tell him to invite his friends over after school, and he doesn't want to. But he wants to when I ask my mom to not have anyone over for the weekend because I have 3 tests on Monday....which is completely unfair.

 

 

......I'm very intelligent and I can't stand being surrounded by people who are supposed to be my family and won't even respect me as a human being.

 

 

 

I try and do my best to help out with laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. while maintaining a high GPA, and all I ever get back is a rash and a $h!*. On a constant basis, all I hear is how I'm "so goddamn selfish", "kiss my a**", "you're a f'ing rodent" (yeah, that's directly from my step-dad).

 

Honestly, I hate my family. They let me live here and sometimes feed me and provide safe housing, but they treat me like I don't exist. I don't help things out by treating my mom the way she treats me, but I can't take acting civil towards her because she is a different person now that she has a son and a new husband. I never knew my real dad, and I never want to. My step-dad has become a complete a-hole towards me. He once said, "You've always thought you were equal, and you're not. Just because you heard that in school it doesn't mean sh**."

 

I was engaged a while back, and the problems added by tension between my stepdad, my mom and I just made it worse. My cousins and my ex have all verified that they do treat me as a lesser being.

 

I just want to know what causes a parent/s to reject their own child. Is it because my mom resents my actual dad and sees me in him? WHAT?!!

[Cuppedia]

No you're not wrong, it's not necessary that other people have to confirm it, that you are suffering is enough to know you don't deserve to be treated that way.

 

It's very hard when your own mother has a "favourite" child, I'm around 10 years older than you and I haven't been able to understand how or why it happens, there are families who get along well without any kind of abuse and yet differences are made between kids, I have asked my own mother and grandmother about it but it's like some sort of code and no "normal" parent will admit those feelings exist.

 

I'm quite impressed by how many academic achievements you have despite your personal situation, I just hope you don't feel like you need to get the best grades to be "good enough" or "equal" because you would still be valuable and deserving of respect even if you weren't as intelligent.

 

Have you considered moving out?. I think you should stop looking after your brother and allow your mother to hire a babysitter, you could find a similar job elsewhere too.

When they are smoking you should leave the room and possibly try to spend less time as home, perhaps you could go to friends' homes or even remain in school for longer.

 

I don't know if this thought has crossed your head but I'll say it anyway hoping not to offend you, getting married is not a good option to leave your home, you're very young and the best you can do right now is focus on finishing school

 

Your mom and step-dad clearly have a lot of flaws and they are passing them on to your little brother but it's not up to you to change them or even judge them because that won't make you feel better, just find support in your cousins or friends. Parents are an essential part of a young person's development and it's terrible you didn't have that but perhaps you can still find an adult in your life (an aunt, grandparent, maybe even a teacher), you don't have to do everything on your own (nobody does really) but going back to your mom is only hurting you so if you can avoid situations where she can keep letting you down I think you would save yourself a lot of pain and confrontations.

[fixyou_]

Thanks =\

I'm working once this semester is over, so about a month and a half left. Hopefully that will make me feel better by just not being around my parents.

It just feels like whoever I get close to...just goes away.

Ahh, I hope this passes in due time.

Thank you for taking the time to share your opinion with me, I really appreciate it.

[Dating Coach]

To help pay for your own place you can always do drug studies.

 

Now, I know most people hear that and immediately have a negative response, but hear me out. A buddy of mine made FANTASTIC use of this in college. All you have to do is check in to a clinic on Friday Night or Saturday Morning (depending upon the place) and stay there until Sunday. They feed you, and routinely draw blood. The medicine they give you is basically approved already, but they just need further human studies. Plus, you may also be one of those getting the placebo.

 

The point is, they pay you like 500 bucks for it. You have a place to stay, food to eat, TV, Movies, other people in the study to talk to, and most of all STUDY TIME. You just sit there so you have all the time in the world to devote to your school work.

 

Just once a month should pay for a good portion of a apartment bill or all of the rent if you share with someone. Somthing to think about.