Grizzled Veterans - Share Your "Aftershock" Stories...

[Tired Tiger]

Greetings, fellow warriors!

 

I thought it might be interesting if some of us, uh, "older" members could share some of our experience relating to if/when contacts or reconnects have occurred after the final "bomb drop". In my experience, it's sort of a 'good news / bad news' topic (depending on how you look at it). One or the other almost always reappears at some point. OTOH, it's often many years later... and doesn't work. Keep in mind, though, that most of my tales here were before the days of MyFace and Spacebook and text stuff... you know, when people still had to talk to each other. Anyway...

 

GF#1 - High School. She was the dumper (cheater/other guy). She tracked me down 12 (twelve) years later, looking to get together for a drink. Result? Nada. Cheaters get no second chances w/ me. And 12 years later? Get real.

 

GF#2 - Late teens. She was dumper (wanted to "see other people"). Called once, about a month after, wanting to have coffee or something. I was dating someone else and said no. Then, at the ten year reunion - we danced and I still saw 'that look' in her eye. Result? She was married... I said see ya.

 

GF#3 - Late teens. Mutual/no fault/family move. Heh. Well, I tracked her down 23 years later. (!) I wasn't prepared for her reaction - she was positively goofy. Result? Her hubby and 4 kids were NOT happy. I cut that off ASAP. Yikes.

 

GF#4 - Early twenties / again early 30's. This is a complicated one. We were together 3 1/2 years, engaged, and I walked away. I wasn't even sure why. I was told she was devastated, married on the rebound, and divorced after a few years. After my GF#5, I was hit with a lot of guilt as a dumper (of #4). So, 10 years later, I contacted her. We reunited for another year, but I finally figured out what the problem was the first time. She's an alcoholic. Said a final goodbye.

 

GF#5 - Late twenties. She was the dumper (cheater/liar/GF from hell). Gave it another try a week after breakup (I didn't know about the cheating yet). Lasted another month. That's the end of that story. No further contact either way.

 

GF#6 - mid 30's. She was the dumper - we were friends for a long time before, but most of our 2 years together was during her very nasty divorce. One call about 3 months later, and one email a few months after that. Too much baggage, and from what I hear, ended up back with (and remarried) the abuser exH.

 

GF#7 - Now. Well, we'll see about this. 12 days after the "bomb drop" (I'm the dumpee), and we still have a better dynamic than any of the above at their best. Go figure. Ask me again about this in a week, when I'm living 850 miles away from her.

 

So, yeah... one way or another, there seems to be a more likely chance than not that one or the other will reappear somewhere down the road. But is that a good thing?

[jul-els]

I've only been really in love three times in my life. The first one I never lost touch with and we still talk. I'm actually planning on going to their house for dinner sometime soon. The second one-ouch-nightmare. Dropped her cold after less than a year and then caved a few months later because I was in such misery. Got back together with her only to be cheated on. Dropped her again and didn't look back. Third one, we still talk. We don't live in the same country anymore but we still keep in touch via email/skype.

[Brownstone322]

College GF No. 1 Dated for a year and a half. She left for another guy. I was very unhappy, but I got over it. She came back two years later, we went out for a few months (mostly just sex), but the old feelings weren't there for me (although she claims they were for her). We split amicably the second time, and we even hooked up on weekends a couple years later and a few years after that.

 

College GF No. 2 Dated for less than a year. She was a born cheater and always will be. I was unhappy when she left, but I'm one of many. Eventually I didn't give a damn, although (deeper down) I still loathe her, not for what she did to me, but for the kind of person she is.

 

Post-College GF No. 1 Dated for six months, more like a "friend with benefits" (and she was underage at that). Even she left for another guy (more her age, duh), and I was perfectly happy with that. She wanted to come back a couple years later, but I was neither available and nor interested. She still calls me at my office to chit-chat. Weird.

 

Post-College GF No. 2 Dated/lived with her for 19 years and we're currently separated. Not sure what she wants (not sure if she's sure), but we have openly discussed reconcilation after she has her "time and space." I've been behaving myself (giving her that "time and space"), and I think our prospects for reconnection are pretty good. (No "other guy/girl" involved this time.) The dynamics of this split are entirely different from the others, mostly because of the duration of our bond and our maturity levels.

[dreamwarrior]

I have only been in love once so I don't consider the other men worth mentioning since they were not very special....I Never cheated...I think cheaters are pathetic...I am very loving, honest, and loyal to the last breath....even a year after the breakup with my ex, I still haven't touched any other guy so far.

 

Why did I break off my wedding plans after a 5 year relationship...I think being true to yourself is important. He never did anything to hurt me...he hurt himself by using drugs and I cannot accept that for a husband...I love him, but no can do...drugs are a dealbreaker! He will always be my friend, but I can never be his gf again...at least in this lifetime....perhaps the next one.

[WomanWriter]

BF # 1: Junior year of high school; we met online in the "Shy" chatroom (that's when people actually chatted on the AOL People Connection). He was from Tx, I lived in CA but we got serious and he talked to my mom about flying me out there and coming over here. Were "together " a total of a year when I broke it off because I was in love with my best (gay) guy friend. Ended up getting "back together" for 3 months but then he broke it off when he fell in love with his best female friend and married her.

 

BF# 2: I was 20, he was 21; met at work (an amusement park). He was a tough football player and I was a shy band geek/writer. We didn't like each other but eventually become friends and developed crushes on each other. We dated then had a serious 4-month relationship together. The night after he told me he was falling in love with me, he dumped me in person on our college campus. I don't know what the reason was; I just went along with it. That same day I met my future fiance.

 

BF#3 I just turned 21, he was almost 19; we met at work (tutoring for our college). He and I had a lot in common and ended up becoming close friends although we were attracted to each other at first sight. He offered me rides home. I ended up confessing my feelings and we started a serious relationship that lasted over 7 years and included plans for marriage. We both said this was "it"---we were waiting for him to finish college so we cound start our life together, then one day he drops a bomb on me (not long after I got laid off and his brother's wife got pregnant, incidentally) that it's over! Loosely, it had something to do with him not being ready to be a husband although it didn't seem like there was one concrete reason.

I was floored and in denial at first because we had a good relationship with no MAJOR problems, I thought. I loved him so much and it killed me. I can't imagine loving again. This one ripped me apart.

[italiannmf24]

This thread really catches my attention and is intereting to me. It's great to hear of all the past GFs you've had Tired Tiger and how some come back over 10 years later. It seems to me at some point you eventually get back with an old GF with enough NC and space away from eachother. Yet, the relationship doesn't last in the end, but you never know what can happen further down the line, huh?

 

Your current story seems to me like it hurts the most, I can't imagine the pain your going through right now, I'm sorry this is happening to you. Well, the past may repeat itself and you and your current ex may end up back together down the road. You've definitely had a ton of experience with numerous women, relationships, reconcilation, etc. and it interests me. I'm looking forward to any future posts/threads that you might share in the future.

 

 

P.S.

If you really wanna get your feelings out, you should make a healing journal. It'd be great to see how your doing with your current situation and feelings.

[Tired Tiger]

Well... it should probably be noted that I posted this originally over two years ago.

 

She's come back and left again twice since then.

[italiannmf24]

She came back and left twice? Wow.

 

I didn't even realize that that was posted two years ago. I was assuming it was recent but apparently I've misjudged lol.

 

That's still interesting though, any idea if you'll get back together a third time?

[Brownstone322]

Well... it should probably be noted that I posted this originally over two years ago.

 

She's come back and left again twice since then.

Oh, well, two years ago I wrote this ...

 

Post-College GF No. 2 Dated/lived with her for 19 years and we're currently separated. Not sure what she wants (not sure if she's sure), but we have openly discussed reconcilation after she has her "time and space." I've been behaving myself (giving her that "time and space"), and I think our prospects for reconnection are pretty good. (No "other guy/girl" involved this time.) The dynamics of this split are entirely different from the others, mostly because of the duration of our bond and our maturity levels.

 

... and we never came close to reconciliation despite all the cliché "time and space" crap. We haven't spoken in more than a year. You just never know about these things.

[Tired Tiger]

That's still interesting though, any idea if you'll get back together a third time?

 

That's not an easy question to answer, beyond "I have no idea".

 

There's things that would need to happen that aren't in my control, and as Brownstone said... you just never know about these things...

[6yeardumped]

Bumping and reliving the thread

 

My 2 cents:

 

GF1 - (started at 19, bu at 24) Dated 4.5years, she broke up when she found that I had kissed a girl 3.5 years before. We were living together (both studying abroad), and still lived together for 2 months after BU. During those 2 months I wanted her to give me a second chance, she only had sex with me, and no other physical contact... During that period I went psycho and hacked her computer to get logs of messneger convos, emails, etc...She found out and after those 2 months we went back to our home country. No Contact for 10 months. She rang, we went for a few coffees' started having sex again for 2 months. One day I approach her and ask her "is this exclusive or can we meet others?" she said: "I want more, but I can see that you can't give it..."...2 days before this I had met GF2.

 

GF2 - Dated 5years and 8 months. LDR last 20 months during which I visited her once every 3 weeks. 4 months ago she BU over the phone, claiming "distance issues"...I went back for good to the country where she is 3 weeks after BU, to find out she was having GIGs.... We had 5 convos after that, and now almost 2 months NC... Unfortunately I know she will be back in a few months...and I won't be able to take her back...

[Nick Lansing]

GF1 -- College. First real GF. One year relationship. She dumped me about 2 months after I graduated, when we were apart and she was still in law school. Met GF2 within a few days. Broke up with GF2 since I was still dstraught. Begged, pleaded, raged and cried... GF1 was smug and dismissive, she enjoyed the fact I was pining for her; 3 months later, after she blew off my birthday, I got over her and got back with GF2 (who stuck around -- opposite of NC!). 3 months later, when I had started law school, GF1 came sniffing around and I had the supreme satisfaction of blowing her off. GF2 and I married 3 years later.

 

GF2 -- married for 12 years. 2 kids. She left me after discovering an indiscretion I'd made a few years before, and I later learned she had already begun an affair with a married co-worker. Didn't know about her affair at the time, so I took 100% of the blame. Begged for forgiveness and reconciliation, to no avail. Met GF3 a year after she left me (after house was sold, divorce filed). Learned about her affair at almost the same time. GF3 and I fell in love. GF2 learned about GF 3 shortly thereafter, and announced she was ready to take me back. I said no, but the guilt was incredible and it eventually led to breakup with GF 3. GF2's pursuit of me was INTENSE and unrelenting... I never took her back though. She has remarried and we are friendly now. Part f mefeels that if she hadn't been so intense in her efforts to reconcile, we might have done so... Instead I resented her for sabotaging my relationship with GF3 (I'm leaving out a lot of detail).

 

GF3 -- 1.5 years together, then I broke it off because of pressure from GF2, my parents and siblings, and from her. Decided I wanted her back a month after she went NC on me. Tried to reconcile, she had met someone and said hell no. I fell into depression and joined ENA. Three or 4 months of heartbreak and unrelenting pan. I did go NC (well, I tried to initiate contact a couple times but she ignored me, and I did plenty of on-line stalking (CRINGE)), and then out of the blue, about 4 months after I last heard from her, she sent me an email. I was just starting to feel better by then... we went on a date a couple weeks later. At the end of the date I told her I was sorry about before and thanked her for agreeing to see me... We met up a couple times more, then we were a full-on item. The two or three weeks from that first email through our first kiss were some of the happiest in my life... Alas, we went too fast. Lasted another 1.5 years before breaking up more or less mutually and amicably last October. Have met on friendly basis a couple times since then... She did get mad, out of the blue, once when she saw what she perceived as me flirting with someone on linkedin...

 

GF4 -- Lives in my neighborhood. Met her on March 1. I'd been casually dating a number of women. At first she was just one of a handful, but soon I realized we had a real connection. She seemed to be waaay into me from our first date on... in a good way, not in a needy way. She had a painful divorce from a cheating husband three years before we met, and had just broken up with a BF of a year when we met. After our first date, which was a blast and lasted hours, she invited me inside but then told me I should leave before we went any further as she "really like(d)" me. I was sleeping with her a date or two later, then staying over a night or two every week. Without even thinking about it, I started to fall in love with her. We had a great time together, but about two months in, she cryptically mentioned worries about "going too fast," having been "burned" before... whether it was a good thing that we missed each other when we weren't together... then she broke it off, telling me she didn't feel a spark. That sounded dubious, but I went NC right away. This was almost 3 months ago... have only heard from her a couple times, mostly through facebook (ugh).

 

Still don't know what (if anything) I meant to GF4... Since we ended while everything was (apparently) going well, and when attraction was strong, I did feel the chance of her coming back around was very good. But I started seeing someone else right away, and I think she got back with her ex-BF, whom she had dumped a few weeks before meeting me.

 

MORAL? Anything can happen! If you had a real bond, and don't burn your bridge, they usually do come back one way or another. The dumpee moving on tends to be a real turn-on for some reason (have experienced from both ends). Neediness, humiliation and even shameful behavior after a breakup doesn't necessarily doom any chance at reconciliation, but the dumper generally doesn't return UNLESS and UNTIL there's been a full break and the dumpee has at least started to move on.

[kuteknish]

all these stories are about women coming back to men.... how bout men coming back?

[ngu11]

all these stories are about women coming back to men.... how bout men coming back?

 

I don't think that really matters to be honest. It's all about human nature and Nicks final paragraph kind of says it all.

[Nick Lansing]

I don't think that really matters to be honest. It's all about human nature and Nicks final paragraph kind of says it all.

 

Right. Note that I did go back to GF 3 after dumping her, a month after she went NC on me, and had moved on. That drove me INSANE. But I still loved her.

 

The dynamic is generally the same, I think.

 

Also, if GF2 hadn't acted all crazy when she tried to reconcile with me -- threatening suicide, actively working to sabotage my relationship with GF3 (calling my mom and trying to turn her against GF3, etc.), trying to seduce me after I dropped the kids off, etc. -- I might have gone back to her.

 

So my experience as the dumper guy is that NC, or at least quiet dignity and moving on, absolutely makes it more likely that I'll consider reconciling.

[triangles]

all these stories are about women coming back to men.... how bout men coming back?

 

I was thinking the same thing...ditto what she said!

[lovelifexoxo]

I was thinking the same thing...ditto what she said!

 

It seems like its mostly guys on here longing for their GF back! wish it was my EX haha

[Thorshammer]

I was very shy, so I have met all my girlfriends online. As I grew out of my shyness I did have women who I did not meet online, but they were nothing serious. I have been with other women who i did not tag as gfs that arent mentioned here.

 

GF#1 lasted only 2 months. I dumped her because I pretended to be another guy online, and she said she didnt have a boyfriend. I never really liked her, I was just confused and wanted to start somewhere. I was a childish dude, and I believed she knew I wasnt serious. I dumped her and stopped talking to her. I dont remember if she reached out afterwards, but I didnt care, I wasnt really attracted to her.

 

GF#2 wow she was evil. She was so goregous and sexy, and the sex was amazing. I went from confident man, to punk-baby after the first time we had sex. She took over me and ran me over once I showed weakness. She messed my head up baaaaad. She dumped me on her bday, which to me signaled either her ex came back (who i suspect never left) or someone else came into the picture. I never forgot this girl because of the sex. She broke up with me yelling and just telling me to f off. She contacted me a few days after to apologize, i just stood quiet. Then she reached a few times here and there, i just ignored her. trust me she didnt reach out to be "friends", i met her online, and i got sexual with her fast. last time we had contact was when i gained 20lbs of muscle, was looking good and feeling good, i said hi on myspace, she tried to spark a convo, but ended up deleting me a few days later when she realized i wasnt chasing her.

 

 

GF#3 lasted 8 months. It was mostly Long Distance. I was 24 she was 18. This is the only ex i understood for breaking up with me. Dont get me wrong, I still got really angry, but she was young, had issues at home, plus had depression. We maintained a friendship a few years later, but I would flirt here and there and she would respond. I ruined things by trying to get with her sister, though I denied it (and it was honestly playful fun, i wouldnt have gone that far). I did this mostly because of anger because I was still a bit bitter. She did try to open up communications like before, but I didnt take her serious. I told her once that if my last girlfriend were to leave me, that I would marry her. I was joking, but I am sure she took the hint that I would attempt to get with her afterwards. We are very compatable, very odd to know someone who is just like you. Now I think shes with someone (thats what she told me last time we talked and when I was with my ex), she doesnt respond to my im messages, and I wouldnt call her out of the blue.

 

GF#4 She was an idiot. I was with he for 2months. She was hot, but she was dumb. She was a latina, and i thought she was fresh into this country, and didnt know much. But no, she was born here, and was just naturally dumb. Some guy called her and i picked up and he got aggressive with me, so i dumped her. I wanted out, i just didnt know how to, especially when i wanted out a few weeks before and she cried non-stop, which made me feel bad, so i reversed my decision and waited. She always reached out, I never replied.

 

GF#5 This one lasted 8 months. She had baby-momma issues, as we were "friends" when her babyfather impregnanted her. When she gave me birth, we went out. She rarely picked up my calls, i attributed this to her depression and the fact that she had a crap load of other issues. I also put alot of pressure on her, which is not good for a woman that was abandoned by her baby-father. Anyways, she dumped me after she got tired of me telling her that i felt like she would leave me for her baby-father. She has been chasing me for 5 years, to this very day she calls me to meet up with her, and she stalked my facebook and jumped at me when i went from relationship to single. I lost attraction to her, i am a little bitter over her dumping me, but i have other qualities and traits i want in a woman now, and shes not that (or her dumping me push me away from her "type").

 

GF#6 My last ex, 3 years. She was sweet, beautiful, and very caring. We had a lot of ups and downs. And i was mostly down, she took my actions as getting comfortable, needy, and insecure, i was just depressed over losing my job and failing to get another one. sex life suffered, passion suffered, all my fault. I thought I had time to fix things, i figured once i finished college and found work i can be happy and show her i am not some bum that is comfortable and i would try my best to impress and be that confident guy. But she wont on vacation to a city she loved and wanted to move to (which i didnt, which could be another catalyst for the breakup) and she came back changed and said its not working out, wanted time, i said no (because i had a gut feeling) and i came over, she changed her mind that weekend, during the week again she said she needed time after i told her i was still sad, and she dumped me. I never saw this coming, especially since in the last year we werent fighting as much, and before the day of her leaving to miami our sex life and passion was rising. Will she come back? For some reason i doubt it. When the sex life gets boring, you realize it more and more that you cant be with them (especially for her, she loves sex, but to be honest shes not really good at it- she wants to be a sex therapist), plus 3 years is a long time to figure someone out, she wont believe my words, she will believe how i acted in 3 years. i told her she barely knows me when im happy, and never will. I believe she left because now she has new friends since miami, and doesnt need to be tied down, plus shes always warned me that she was losing herself, that she loved me a lot, but cant be herself due to our differences. People say we were a sexy couple and very loving, and she will return, i dont think so.

 

All my ex's who dumped me came back because it wasnt long relationships and the WHAT IF still existed. I dont think my recent ex will return, 3 years is a lot of time to figure someone out, for all i knew she "left" me way before that breakup and in her head that was her taking me back. I wish we could have talked it out better, but oh well. The really creepy thing is that i had a gut feeling one night, i woke up and something in my head said, SHES GOING TO LEAVE YOU. I got on my laptop like around 3 am all sad and depressed, it was weird. Then I had another gut feeling when she went out and i called her. Next day she felt bad that i was sad she missed my call that she started to talk about doubts and time. Crazy stuff.

[italiannmf24]

Extremely helpful for thos looking for "come back" stories. Thanks for sharing!

[triangles]

Well I'm going to practice what I preach. Here are my experiences with the guys I cared about the most:

 

Boyfriend #1 - I started dating him at the end of my junior year in high school. He was a senior. We dated through the end of my sophomore year in college. He was trouble from Day 1. Drugs, alcohol, bad family, he already had brushes with the law, he was a liar, and a cheater. You name it! He was my first love, my first everything! And I was an idiot, apparently. Anyway, after three years, the relationship ended. I would say the feelings were mutual - we were both sick of each other - but he had checked out long before that by cheating, verbally abusing me, etc. I met Boyfriend #2 at school who was much better.

 

A couple months later, he tried to call me a couple times - and get this! - he was ENGAGED to the girl he dated before me! They were engaged within 6 months after our breakup. He left messages for me at school and tracked me down at my parents’ house during a vacation break. I told him to buzz off. He never tried to contact me again. He ended up breaking off the engagement because - as he later said - she was “crazy” and tried to kill him (more on him later).

 

Boyfriend #2 - I met him through a friend of mine, a summer roommate in college. He knew I was in a crappy relationship with Boyfriend #1, and pursued me. I was pretty much done with Boyfriend #1 (although I DID still love him - he was the first, after all). I dated Boyfriend #2 for nearly two years. We broke up shortly after he told me I “wasn’t the love of his life”. I was devastated again (breakups are so hard for me), but shortly before we broke up I met Boyfriend #3 and was extremely interested in him. Boyfriend #2 and I kept in touch for a few years after the breakup, as friends. He moved out of state to attend graduate school and ended up meeting his future wife. He stopped keeping in touch with me around the time they married. I haven’t heard from him since.

 

Boyfriend #3 - I was infatuated with him from the first time we met. I was a junior in college and he was about to graduate in a couple of months. I was at the end of my relationship with Boyfriend #2, so it helped to distract me from the pain of that relationship ending. I have never felt so intensely about someone, but he was the total package: good-looking, nice, smart, funny, well-liked, ambitious, definitely going places in life. I pursued him intensely. He was okay with fooling around (no sex) at first, but made it clear he was moving 350 miles away after graduation and didn’t want a long-distance relationship. That just made me pursue him harder!

 

Long story short: we ended up getting married four years later, which ended up being the biggest mistake of my life. A year after I began dating him (I moved to his city after I graduated), I noticed my feelings had changed. He didn’t have the qualities I want in a man. I considered breaking up with him, but there was a lot of chaos and upheaval in my life at the time, and a breakup would’ve added even more stress that I felt I couldn’t handle. I also thought the stress and chaos were temporarily clouding my feelings. I was wrong. I was one of those brides who walked down the aisle feeling in my gut I was making a mistake. We were separated and on the road to divorce after six months or so. We kept in close touch for a couple of years. He eventually remarried and continued to keep in touch occasionally via email, but I began to reply to his contact less and less, and it’s been awhile since I last heard from him.

 

Boyfriend #1 (He’s baaaack...) - I began longing for Boyfriend #1 (I know, I’m an idiot, but he was my first love) at the end of my relationship with Boyfriend #3 (now my ex-husband). I think I became disillusioned with Boyfriend #3 (ex-husband) when I realized he didn’t have the qualities I want in a man. Although Boyfriend #1 was (and IS) a real loser, he had qualities Boyfriend #3 didn’t (more assertive and manly in some situations). I had never completely “lost” my feelings for Boyfriend #1. I began to idealize him. Seven years after we broke up, I moved back home after my divorce and I tracked him down.

 

Long story short: He was engaged to someone else. He ended up leaving her for me. It was absolute magic for a year. I have never felt so in love or so happy. Everything felt so “right”. We made plans to be together permanently. We even had a date picked out when we would start our new life together. And then...on that very day, he completely pulls the rug out from under me. Confessed that he had “accidentally” slept with someone a couple weeks earlier when he was drunk, and that now he needed to “work on himself” and couldn’t be in a relationship. I was floored. I begged, I pleaded, I cried, I did absolutely everything I could think of to try and change his mind (God I was stupid), but he wouldn’t. Eventually, I moved to another city but continued to call him every once in awhile, begging him to change his mind. He didn’t. Eventually I got over it, but it took me a long time. And after I stopped contacting him, I never heard from him again...and still haven’t to this day. I am so grateful to God this relationship didn’t work out. I really, really escaped something terrible.

 

Boyfriend #4 - I met him at a party. He was a bartender at a bar my sister and I always went to. He is much younger than me - 9 years younger. I wasn’t interested at first, and I wasn’t attracted to him at all, even though he had a GORGEOUS body: big muscles, very physically fit. But he grew on me. I really fell for him. We dated a month or so, and then he got orders to go out of state for some military training (he was in the National Guard). He would be gone for about 5 months. He broke it off with me, saying he didn’t want to start liking me a lot only to return home and I’d be “taken” by someone else.

 

About 3 months into his training, he called me. I was thrilled because I really liked him. He continued to call until he returned home. We dated a few times after he returned home, and then he announced he would be moving out of state again in the fall, this time to attend college. I was crushed...I was losing him twice! He abruptly ended our relationship. FOUR YEARS LATER, he’s back in town and he sees my sister. He asks her to ask me to call him. I did. We talked on the phone for awhile, and he was all flirty. He asked me if I wanted to get together that weekend. I agreed. Then he ended up blowing me off. I haven’t heard from him since.

 

Boyfriend #5 - I met him two years ago through my job. He was apparently very attracted to me and bugged a co-worker of mine for a month or so to get my phone number for him. We started dating very casually. I liked him. He’s really smart and he’s my physical type. I had learned a lot about relationships before him and pretty much knew what NOT to do. We dated about 9 months. I know he is/was attracted to me, but I think he “just wasn’t that into me”. The relationship never progressed. He grew more distant and then abruptly ended contact and disappeared. I was sad and disappointed, but I didn’t chase him. I DID finally force a meeting after two months to tell him what I thought of him disappearing. He told me he “didn’t see the relationship going anywhere”. I resumed No Contact and have not attempted to reach out to him in any way since. He is the reason I came to ENA. One year has passed, and I have not heard a word from him either, but I’m still hoping that he’ll come back.

 

SUMMARY - Only one of my ex-boyfriends “came back” to me...and he came back twice! I’m hoping my most recent ex will come back. The rest of my exes I wouldn’t reunite with no matter what! I have no feelings for them anymore.

[AC Slater]

I don't have much but meh

 

GF#1 We were about 17, both each others firsts, extremely serious as far as teenage relationships go. Was awesome at first, i was starting as an amateur sponsored surfer and she loved it, a lot of attraction/sex. She had a lot of family problems and basically ended up living with me. I was a bit of a pushover, didn't understand relationship dynamics, was clouded by what i thought was love, literally would've done anything for her - (times i would get the bus to where she was living ~2 hours away at midnight on a weekday when we had school etc just because she wanted to see me) ended up with her walking all over me completely. She ended up seeing another guy while she was living at my place, broke it off with me saying she didn't feel it anymore, and started seeing this guy. I remember i went nuts for a few weeks, called her every night, let her * * * * me around. Eventually i stopped and just got over it COMPLETELY somehow. I remember waking up and just not caring. I gradually forgot about her, maybe about 3 months later she texted me with my old pet name all sad asking what i was up to and that she missed me, ignored it.

Saw her out last year, started bragging to her friends and introducing me as "her ex" and i just laughed and walked off.

She's had 3 boyfriends since and they've all had the same name as me - what the * * * * huh.

 

GF#2 Most recent one, dated for a year. Nothing like old relationship, truly head over heels for this girl - we were basically the same people in different bodies. One of my best friend's sisters. Couldn't ask for an easier, funner relationship. Lived 2 minutes from eachother, saw eachother every day, saw best friend at same time, parents all friends etc etc. Gradually got into a rut where neither of us were doing anything with ourselves, she got over it, said spark was gone etc and dumped me. Learnt from my first mistakes and went NC straight away. She texted me a few weeks later, wouldn't consider it as coming back but more as a guilt ease thing. Been 6 months, still have to see her out because of mutual friends. Apparently she's seeing someone - is older, looks like me, is a surfer etc. Funny. Still trying to sink the final nails in this one mentally.

[hopelessincan]

This is a fun thread!

 

BF#1 I was a junior and he a senior in high school. He was a good guy, but a bit of of bad boy. We dated about 2 or 3 years. My first of alot of things. We were head over heels, but somewhere along the lines I lost interest and broke it off. he started dating a girl a few months after we broke up and that drove me nuts. I tried to get him back at one point. He ended up having kids with her but they didnt last very long. We stayed friends for a few years, and hooked up once or twice in my early twenties (when we were single). He looked me up on fb about two years ago and we talk once in a while online and met for beers once to catch up. No attraction at all on my part, but its cool to catch up 20 years later.

 

BF#2 The one that got away. Dated my last year of HS till about 19. He was 5 years older than me. We dated for about two years, but were very on and off. Crazy passion. He got into drugs and we fought and broke up constantly. He eventually left me and he moved away but we couldnt let each other go completely. We'd visit every few months or so for about a year or two after that.

He also looked me up on fb and we talked all the time. (about ten years after any contact) Years later he confided in me that I broke his heart. And he thought of me all the time. We contemplated trying again about three years ago, but decided it wasnt worth it. We still catch up periodically. Attraction still there, but no real compatibility.

 

BF#3: Dated a year or two. He was significantly older than I - I think 8 or 10 years. Met him at work. The sexy salesman type. Totally absolutely HOT. As someone once said to me " Even straight men are attracted to him. Funny, I dont remember much about our relationship, but he still stands out as an important relationship to me. I was (or thought I was) totally gaga head over heels for him, but very insecure about his looks. We had a good relationship for a while, then started to have problems. I picked a fight with him over something that I knew he would break up with me over, because I didnt have the guts to do it. And it worked like a charm. Found out he had cheated on me. Initial reaction to the break up was relief, then shock. I didnt have a serious relationship for two years after this breakup. First real heartbreak that affected me.

 

BF#4 Met at work. he was ten years older than me. (Notice a pattern yet?). We were together for 8 years. First 9 months or so were fantastic. Then I moved in with him. Started seeing crazy red flags. Ignored them. And ignored them some more. Eventually after 6 years, gave him an ultimatum. He called my bluff, so I carried through. Bought a house together a year later. Left him on or about our year anniversary of buying the house, as I couldnt stand the constant emotional abuse, controlling behaviour. Moved out a month later. 4 months of "divorce proceedings and almost a year of stalking/calling/crying/how could you do this to me stunts". He blew that relationship and to this day still knows it. Funny how people realize things when its too late. I may have even contemplated moving back and trying one last (100th) time, had he not been such a bully. This was 4 years ago, run into him from time to time, and we dont say much to each other.

 

BF#5: Not really significant as it was only 1 month, but goes to show you how fate works sometimes. I had met this guy a year prior (while I was still with BF4 sort of - we had broken up for a day as per usual) anyways long story short he asked me out to which I declined obviously. Anyways, fast forward a year later and run into him while bf4 and i are finalizing things. Started dating him and broke up due to crazy ex. Classic wrong place at the wrong time story. Hes actually with his sole mate now and Im nothing but happy for him. No regrets. A rebound on my part, i think but it was the push i needed. never intimate with him.

 

BF#6: Together little over a year. Met him after leaving bf4 and was quite content being single and wanted to keep it that way. Wasnt initially attracted to him but thought Id try something different. (LOL). He was 5 years younger than me. He was gaga in love while I pushed him away. He wanted to move in too quick, but did. Broke up, he moved out. Shock hit me like a ton of bricks. Took me a lonnnng time to get over him. Looking back, I think I was in love with the idea of him and our relationship, not him.

 

BF#7 Together Now. (I think - lol). He is 4 years younger than me. Up and down crazy relationship. We cant be apart, but sometimes just cant be together. Love is definitely there on both sides, but neither of us know how to deal with it. Together a year and a half. But going slower than I like/am used to. If we both werent afraid of committment, we'd be a perfect match. Same wants, same needs, pretty compatible. If we dont make it, Im in for some serious devastation. But I stick around because we have such a strong connection that I havent felt before. (same for him - he actually told me on more than one occasion). So time will tell.

[Nick Lansing]

Sooo diggin' this thread. It's great to read about these relationships from years ago, written with the persepective that's been gained over time. You can look at the situation coolly and without emotion, which is so different from what's usually posted here.

[6yeardumped]

Bumping...any new stories people may want to share?

[Brownstone322]

Bumping...any new stories people may want to share?

Not a new story, but about six months ago I posted this ...

 

Oh, well, two years ago I wrote this ...

 

Post-College GF No. 2 Dated/lived with her for 19 years and we're currently separated. Not sure what she wants (not sure if she's sure), but we have openly discussed reconcilation after she has her "time and space." I've been behaving myself (giving her that "time and space"), and I think our prospects for reconnection are pretty good. (No "other guy/girl" involved this time.) The dynamics of this split are entirely different from the others, mostly because of the duration of our bond and our maturity levels.

 

... and we never came close to reconciliation despite all the cliché "time and space" crap. We haven't spoken in more than a year. You just never know about these things.

... and now we talk all the time. We talked on the phone two nights ago. I dunno where it's going, but this much really is true: "You just never know about these things."