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I need advice.. I would REALLY appreciate it


amiami19
How to leave an abusive relationshi...
How to leave an abusive relationship and why it's so hard

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I really need some advice..just in general and I would really appreicate your point of view or any stories or insight you have to share with me because I am going through a really hard time...

 

I know it gets kind of boring to read big stories so I am going to bullet this and make it short and sweet!

 

- Have been dating the BEST GUY for 9 months now..

- Started fighting lately. understand its normal

- Something doesn't feel right.. like I'm giving in to easy because I love him or just that I am soooo sick of fighting or I am navie..or whatever...

- Today he ignored me all day even though I took important time out of my day to be with him.. and he didn't pick up when I called.. I know he's okay.

- It's pushing me off the edge.. I feel like because I have been hurt in the past...that I am being either to defensive or too navie or too soft.. or too whatever..

- I am thinking about leaving him because he really is starting to hurt me with the fights and today with the ignoring me.. I do know if I can handle it..

- I want to know if this is normal for people to have doubts about the one they love or does every relationship have its problems..

- I dont know what to do. I don't want to leave him and he insisted that he is not trying to mess us up or hurt me.. but * * * then why does he do this then? Is this a guy thing?

 

Anyway, I know it's a little long sorry...

 

Your comments are greatly appreciated.. .

 

Thank you.

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Its normal for arguments to usually start anywhere 6 months to 1 yr of the RS, i guess this usually happens well after the honeymoon phase is over followed by a neutral state. Its how the two of you handle this fighting will determine if youre right for each other. I also read your other post and in my opinion the best thing you can do is try to have a sit down and softly communicate with him about what is wrong. If this doesnt work then your best bet is to give him some space and let him come to you when he feels ready. If you are in his face too much he may get tired of it and just push you away.

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hi sweetie, i know exactly how you feel because i am going thru the same thing and i am almost double your age lol

 

i am always mad when he did this ignoring thing to me, so mad that i would suggest breaking up, and then regretting after that, because love him too much.

 

easier said than done, i took a step back, and do limited contact. give him days to cool down, but while waiting, it is torturing on my end. i did text him couple of times with gentle messages like " don't be angry anymore". it works. he replied me he will try. at least we had changed from breaking up to cooling down. now i am waiting patiently for him to be lovey dovey again, hopefully.

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Hey. Fighting/aruguing are definatly normal. Me and my boyfriend have been together for four years, and believe me, we have our differences. I personally think the whole ignoring you is a guy thing. I think they do that because they dont want to fight. The fact that he didnt answer your call is because he knew you were going to pick a fight about something and he didnt want to deal with it. Unlike girls, guys are not very good communicators and does not like talking about things that will cause an argument. And dont ever think that any relationship ever is perfect. There is no such thing, ill tell you that now. I am 19 too so i dont have much experience either but within these last four years, i have learned so much about guys. Well i wish you luck and hope my answer helped!

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It sounds to me like a control issue. My woman hates it when we have an argument and I stop talking. It drives her nuts and eventually she will apologize or admit I'm right just to get me to communicate. This has worked for a number of years. It also gives me time to collect my thoughts about whatever we are arguing about. Sounds like he is doing the same to you. My advice is not to worry about it unless it carries over for a couple of weeks, then you should probably talk about where your relationship is going. Good luck.

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As hard as it may seem, he doesnt give a damn, otherwise he wouldnt treat you like that. But there is someone out there for you - someone who will treat you with love and respect. You deserve better . It's hard to walk away - I know - and it hurts like hell - but better to walk now than waste your time with someone who just doesnt care. If he is treating you like this now it is not going to get better.

 

I wish you every happiness for the future.

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Hey everyone, thank you for the posts, we worked it out. I am trying to stay strong until we see eachother again in a couple weeks and I hope for the best, but it has helped me a lot to come here and read and talk to other people..thank you for sharing.

Love. Ami

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Needs space, that's why he's ignoring a little bit and the fights are escalating.

 

Guys have to solve problems and assess relationships on their own and they usually can't receive help or input in solving problems. If the relationship is having problems (probably the normal things for a young relationship, nothing to worry about!) he has to sort them out independently.

 

When you pester him to solve them with you present you accomplish two things:

 

1.) you irritate him and subconsciously insult his ability to solve problems and maintain the relationship

2.) you prevent him from making any progress in solving the problem

 

Fighting is normal, but when he has something to solve, he needs to be left alone. Let him come to you with his solution. Fights happen, but they should be short. Let him know how you feel about an issue, then leave him alone. He will shut off his problem solving skills until he's alone, preferring to use his defenses to fend you off. That's how we work.

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