My family has issues

[mr me]

I wrote about this awhile ago but i just really need to say whats on my mind. I spent time with my dad but its not really like it was time spent. I think for him he thinks because he comes from new york to visit that im supposed to try to make the time that im with mean something. Its just if you look at that it makes no sense. I think last time i checked he was my dad so its something he would want to do so idk how to deal with it. Its really not even worth it because we are so different and i dont relate to him at all. I see people have a relationship with their parents but what i usually see is they end up being like their parents. I really dont want to grow up to be like anyone in my family. The sad part is ive been really depressed so its like now is the time where everything im not doing is coming up alot. Its just crazy to me because they say i should do this or that and things would be different for me. They never see how they are and how it affects me. Its just their is nothing you could ever tell them because they will always be the same way. Im just different and in my culture alot of the time thats looked down on. Everyone needs to be friendly and get along and i dont ever see that happen with me. Its also hard because ive tried and i mean really tried to make some type of thing work with anyone that ive been around but it doesnt go anywhere. I then look crazy and get really crazy because then when i back away and just keep to myself then they look at me like im the one that doesnt try to get along with them. I dont ever hear about all the times when ive gone out of my way even to try to reach out and it leads no where.

 

Ive always had a hard time meeting friends or new people. Also anyone ive even had a bit of a relationship with either they decided to just stop talking to me, distanced themselves, or i just grow in my own direction so i dont really feel so friendly with them. Im now at a point where im supposed to meet new people but i kinda get tired of meeting new people being kinda cool with them for awhile and then it just disappears. Im also not the person that is looking for alot of friends or just am ok with being friends just to be friends. I kinda want it to mean something and usually am looking for more of a best friend type of thing. I guess thats from my introvert side because i just like to get to know people. Its just im still working thru alot of issues with my life because ive basically come back from a very twisted and dark time in my life. I guess not so twisted in myself but what ive had to go thru. I also dont really even know how to have like a normal or regular healthy relationship with anyone. I live in a really toxic place and have tried my best to separate myself as much as possible because i dont want that to be making my life that way all the time.

 

I guess i got alittle off-topic but this was really just me needing to talk about stuff. I just had a really hard time because i was with my dad at my aunts house and they wouldnt listen to anything i had to say. Its like what they said was etched in stone and i cant be around people like that. I just feel like they bring me down and i hate that feeling. I know i need to do alot of things but i would of loved for them to be as depressed as i was and see if they could do all the things they thought i should be doing. Ive tried to be understanding but it doesnt do anything for me i just then get mad because im trying to be ok with stuff but they just continue to get on my nerves. I just dont see anything gettin better. Its going to be something that i will always be bothered by. Its just i dont want it to be that way and wish things could be better but that doesnt do anything. Sometimes its just hard because i really dont get it because i hope to one day treat my kids the way they should be treated. I know it might not end up being so glamorous but i cant see it being anything like how ive had to grow up. I then see myself needing to explain to my kids as well why they are the way they are and why i dont want them to grow up that way. I just dont want it to be in a very demanding idealistic way. I could very well end up being like that because thats what ive grown up around and have been influenced by but with me being aware of stuff like that i cant see myself going down that path. I always wanted to break the cycle and i couldnt stop myself from going thru alot of stuff that my family has gone thru as well but im still working myself out of that. I really see myself gettin my act together but i just still have alot to learn. Its just learning to accept things for what they are that i think will always be a battle for me. I always wanted to make the world a better place in some way but i just have to be ok with that being on a small scale.

[Dating Coach]

Ever read:

 

image removed

[waveseer]

DC, do you ever meet people and you know they read the book because they are following it to a T, especially salespeople but it's so fake it makes you sick? Maybe it's just me, lol.

[NightLily]

Maybe you became depressed because you started to realize how crazy and idiotic everybody was around you.

 

My current living situations are also pretty toxic. Not that anybody is trying to kill me or wishing me dead at this point but I understand what you mean. I very rarely actually connect with people and am also to the point where I am trying to just tune out my family. I have reached out to them over and over only to have it slammed back in my face. Take my sister for example: I had tried to make conversation with her and she just said "I don't want to talk about it with you!" and then turned around all cherry asking me to make her some pineapple recipe. To this I said "I don't want to talk to you. I'm done with people who are just mean."

 

This is very unusual for me to actually stand up for myself but maybe you should try it. It sure made me feel a heck of a lot better. I mean, why constantly throw yourself at people that just act like they don't care or hate you? They are the ones with the problem so just forget them.

 

I'm in a bit of a doom and gloom mood so this advice could be a bunch of crap.

[Dating Coach]

DC, do you ever meet people and you know they read the book because they are following it to a T, especially salespeople but it's so fake it makes you sick? Maybe it's just me, lol.

 

No.

 

You're not supposed to follow it to a "T". You're supposed to learn about people and then with that knowledge your ability to relate to others becomes better.

[waveseer]

No.

 

You're not supposed to follow it to a "T". You're supposed to learn about people and then with that knowledge your ability to relate to others becomes better.

 

They try to take a shortcut and "act interested" but it doesn't come off well at all. I'm not certain people like that have the capacity to generate genuine interest in others since "baby needs new shoes" and all.

[mr me]

I have never read that book but i have a different understanding about it then i did at first. I guess the topic i mean. I thought it was weird to do things to influence someone but someone explained it like talking to a waiter and just the way you talk to them sends different messages. I could try that but i think for me everything was just gettin old. Im very much a person that tries to do things so hopefully good things happen to me. Its just my whole life things havent worked out for me. Its hard for me to see myself try and try and just because im in very unfortunate circumstances things dont work out because ive had to learn alot of things the hard way. I was never put in a very good position to succeed and that probably means alot of my goals that i had for myself will never happen. Im just gonna need to re-evalute them and pick goals that ill be able to achieve easier. Its hard when your tryin and trying and you dont see anything and you just think its easier to be like everyone else your around. Im supposed to believe that their are people in this world that i will meet and things will get better for me but i dont have much of anything to really hold on to and see that happening. Its just basically what ive had to learn to do is try to not let my surroundings put me down too much and even if they arent good to at least keep trying and hoping that something will happen to me to make it better.

 

I guess i can give an example of my family and how pretty much all of them get along eventho they all drive themselves crazy. I try and sometimes it seems like i get along with them but then just like that ill be like a fly on the wall. Its like im invisible and even when i try to get along with them they will just do their own thing. Its just at the same time if they talk to me or something and i dont respond in a good way i usually get the reputation of that i dont like being around them. I can say most of the time i really dont but me being the only one to say something about all of them would basically get me nowhere. I also feel like ive tried to make myself a better person and hoped that would bring me into better places but all ive really been able to do is deal with all of my issues happening. Its not easy to be really depressed for 2 years and have all of that time be a blur where i havent been able to deal with anything. I then have the other side of my family keep pushing and basically pressuring me to try to do something to get my life together. Its just a constant tug of war and i try and try to deal with it but it just gets to the point where its not helping me at all. I try to take it in stride but i cant deal with it all the time. Its just stuff like this that makes me not like being around my family but they end up looking at it like it has nothing to do with them. Its just kinda crazy trying to get out of being depressed because you end up doing all this stuff to kinda save yourself from whatever you were going thru and then you need to start all over and fix whatever is left of your personal life.

 

I have a hard time or im making it harder on me if i stand up to them because they dont always like that. I come from a spanish background and you dont talk back to your elders. I say stuff even with that but it doesnt lead anywhere. I have a very sensitive side with one part of my family and the other side is really stubborn so its tough because with either one im basically gonna make whatever it is bigger. I usually just let them say what they have to say and i just move away and try to deal with whatever happened. I guess i say what i want to say in my head and just deal with it. I guess thanks if you could get what i was saying because for me that doesnt happen alot. Its kinda weird tho because this kinda turned into like a commercial for this book but if it works for you then its ok. Im kinda iffy on books but thats probably just me being stubborn but alot of the time as well you cant always believe it or follow it too much. I think it was like what was said its more like a reference.