hope

[jpete]

Hey I just wanted to share my story with you, its long but hopefully it gives some of you some hope, a little over a year ago my ex broke up with me for reasons I wont go into, we dated for almost three years, I was a wreck for months seeing as how she moved on within a week. I have been there and felt your pain, I know it hurts but keep busy, keep going, take it day by day and it gets better I promise (I used to visit this site quite often, although I never registered, and it really helps)

 

Anyways We went our separate ways, Had LC for a month and then NC for about 10 months, I worked on myself, I became a better person, a stronger one, got into shape, excelled in my field and started doing voulnteer work. I started dating agian and eventually met someone who I dated for about 4 months, but it just didnt work.

 

Eventually about two months ago I ran into some old pictures of my ex(the one i dated for almost 3 years) and thought "what the heck ill call her" so i did and we got a cup of coffee and caught up on our lives. the next few days I couldnt get her off my mind so I called her up asked if she wanted to go to a basketball game, she said yes, and we had the time of our lives, the chemistry was still there, we got along like nothing happenend. So we started to date casually again( I took her on some pretty cool dates, limo ride to an expensive place, a midnight picnic under the stars, skydiving(which i highly recommend to anyone)) anyways she eventually brought up us getting back together.

 

We sat down, talked about what went wrong, she said she felt like I have changed and I told her I felt the same way, So we have now both decided to get back together. Its been two weeks and so far no problems, but im being catious and taking it slow.

 

The point is you need to move on, work on yourself, live your life, and if the opportunity presents itself for you two to get back together you should be at the phase where it doesnt matter if you do or dont.

 

I hope this story helps some of you out, Like I said its only week 2 of being official, but week 6 of dating, so who knows what could happen Ill keep you guys posted

[Brownstone322]

Great to hear things are working out for you, but let me give you advice (or reinforcement, 'cause you already know this): Think about your past issues -- think hard -- every day, every time you're with her. You've changed (you know it, she knows it, and now I know it), but always be on your guard about falling into your old traps. Be vigiliant. Eventually it'll be natural, but it may not be yet.

 

If you're right for one another, the rest will be easy ...

[jpete]

thats exactly right brownstone, thanks for the response! what I wanted people to get out of this is;

 

You have to move on, it will be hard buts its the best thing for you, and no one is going to be attracted to someone who can't stand on their own

 

If you do have an opportunity to try agian go in there thinking "DO I WANT THEM BACK?"

when we had our first cup of coffee and went to the game it was me gauging on if I wanted her back or not

 

When it does come time to commit you seriously need to sit down and talk about what happenend, we sat down, each of us made a list first of what expected from ourselves and from each other and discussed it, then we talked about what happenend, why it happenend, how we felt, if we trusted that each of us had changed, and how to prevent it from happening again and how to build from it

[EES]

I wish the best for you =)

 

This helps a lot

 

thanks!

[FriendnorFoe]

It was an appropriate name for this thread because thats what it brought me in reading it, thanks

[lostsomewhere]

Thanks this post is exactly what I needed to hear

[cloud7]

I hope it works out for you guys, keep us posted Im interested to see how this turns out

[Pandaman211]

Thats great man.

 

Out of pure curiosity, since I am indifferent and don't care about the reason why I first came on her, and more so to understand and try and help people, do you think she would've contacted you eventually if you had not? Or did she tell you she probably would or wouldn't have? A lot of people PM here with that, only in future tense, and I never really know what to say, so getting people who have been through it's take would help. Thanks.

[jpete]

I dont think she would have, I asked her once if she ever thought of me or why she never talked to me, she simply said that because I stopped contacting her she thought I didnt want to see her anymore(i just went cold NC) and that she still thought of me from time to time, so no she probably wouldnt have but every situation is different, perhaps if I had told her my reasons for going NC instead of just going cold turkey she would have tried contacting me after a while who knows

[aglaia]

really cool that you guys got back together... if anything, this only reinforces my decision to go NC and move on and assume we will never see each other again... i need to get myself back first and back day by day... i'm re emerging and reclaiming my life... thanks for posting this!

[Cnstnt Evolutn]

good for you bud... What i think is daunting for those who are going through this is the idea of waiting a whole year for an opportunity to present itself.

 

It does suck to have to move on when you want nothing but to make em happy. But i keep hearing its for the best and I see from several accounts that it helps not only if you feel you and your ex are meant to be together but met at inopportune times, but it helps you grow as a person and stand up for yourself.

[lostsomewhere]

man i hope i can get there some day, I keep trying to do NC and every few days she will call/text me sometimes I have the strength to not answer other times I break down...

[jaylh25]

great post.

 

Interesting too.. I was reading another thread "the dark side of NC" and it was basically saying that NC is great for healing but terrible if you do want to reconcile as basically the dumpee cant face another rejection and the dumper thinks that as youve gone NC you dont want to talk to them so they as well wont initiate contact.

 

I am really starting to think that it all lays in the hands of fate and what will be will be.

 

Its also becoming very clear to me that any reconciliation can only really happy after a sustained period of time apart and NC. This gives time perhaps like your case for the dust to settle and both parties to heal..

 

I'm 3 weeks into NC and feeling it today but this story cheered me up. Good luck and keep us posted how it goes.

[Rob1000]

Its this simple really. You have to ask yourself this. How badly do you want them back? Are you willing to do anything, even the hardest thing possible? Then move on. No contact. It's most likely the hardest thing you'll ever have to do but if you want someone back badly enough then get out of their lives.

 

Straight after a relationship fails, you cannot do anything to get them back. You can only do things to push them further away. Each time you're having a bad day and feel like contacting them, tell yourselves this - "I am giving us the best possible chance of making it." Give them the gift of missing you. I've got my ex back this way before and I plan to do the same thing again.

[jaylh25]

Rob, interesting.. i made the mistake of being there for my ex for 3 month even though she'd moved in with some guy.. ridiculous really looking back.. NC is absolutely killing me though at this stage...ive been reading of many stories where couples have got back together after nearly a year of NC as all the crap that went on in the relationship had faded, theyd both moved on and it was a clean slate. As i said previously, you have to go NC for you own sanity and I firmly believe in what will be will be... if your meant to be together love will find a way..

[jpete]

No problem aglaia, I hope it works out for you!