penelope13 Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Ren, you have to realize that if you are unsure, other people can be as unsure. In your own head you think it's crystal clear to him and his friends that you like P, however you are totally unsure if he likes you. He might have the same doubts and thoughts as you! But denying your attraction has probably not helped your cause. Oh well, that's done, don't dwell on it too much. However to 'rectify' the situation you have to be more proactive the next time and give him a clear message that he cannot miss. So ask him out on Sunday one way or another. If you don't like the direct route, use the fencing bout as I already suggested, because that is something you are both familiar/ comfortable with. Link to comment
grymoire Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Now, I'm confused U seem to be the only dissenting voice here, but u do have a point. Ugh. I don't know what to do anymore I am just giving my opinion. That's all. Since you feel that I am the only dissenting voice here I will stop posting in this thread. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 he might be like, 'man i can't read this girl.' Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted March 19, 2009 Author Share Posted March 19, 2009 Penelope, his friends have told me before (when I asked them), that it is VERY obvious that I like him ("P"), and that "P" also knows I like him. I do plan on using the fencing bout as the lead in. It is very innocent and he will probably beat my butt, so it can give us the opportunity I need. BTW, the more I think of it, the more I think he might have been dropping hints in the last few weeks that he might have an interest in me. For example: 1) a few weeks back he was bugging me to bring him something from my work, since he was interested in it. I never took him up on it, since I didn't think he meant it. 2) he hinted last week that I need to relax and not be so nervous 3) last night, he was joking around with me about me needing money to pay my taxes and he offered to help (as a joke) 4) then he said the thing about how I shouldnt be joking around with him, lest people think I like him or something like that. 5) he has been curious about my friendship with my two friends (the crazy best friend and his bf). 6) one other thing from last night; a guy I know showed up yesterday and was talking to me and such, and he took me away from my fencing because he wanted me to talk to his wife (I know the lady well). When I came back "P" asked me who that guy was and I told him, and then he made some lame excuse about something to do with that guy. That threw me for a loop. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 So you have no problem asking his friends, if they know that you like P, but you are too shy to ask him directly out? Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted March 19, 2009 Author Share Posted March 19, 2009 So you have no problem asking his friends, if they know that you like P, but you are too shy to ask him directly out? Yeah, I know. I have bad habit of doubting myself and my judgement so much that I don't trust my intuition and so I go around looking for affirmation FOR my intuition. His friends also like me and have accepted me into their group. I fence with some of them and play WoW with them too. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 just do it and if anything learn from it and gain confidence in yourself that YOU CAN make moves on your own. Link to comment
shikashika Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 sounds like he know you like him and is just bugging you about it. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted March 19, 2009 Author Share Posted March 19, 2009 sounds like he know you like him and is just bugging you about it. Bugging in a good way, like he's looking for me to ask him out? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 almost 10 pages of you wondering. you want to know? do something next time you see him. Link to comment
shikashika Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Bugging in a good way, like he's looking for me to ask him out? well I'm not there, but I don't think so. If he was interested, you wouldn't have to analyse it this much! Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted March 19, 2009 Author Share Posted March 19, 2009 well I'm not there, but I don't think so. If he was interested, you wouldn't have to analyse it this much! Interesting point. Your view seems to be different than everybody elses. If you were me, what do YOU think I should do? Link to comment
shikashika Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Interesting point. Your view seems to be different than everybody elses. If you were me, what do YOU think I should do? If a guy does not seem interested, and I was, I would drop it, and not bother spending any time with him. that's what I would do. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Have you not considered he may have meant just what he said, Ren? If a man told me to stop doing something, that is what I would do. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 If you were me, what do YOU think I should do? no risk, no fun: ask him! by dragging on and on, if he likes you or not, you will never expose yourself to the possibility that he might say yes. Why he is not direct? - probably the same reason as you: you both are shy and afraid of being rejected. Someone has to step up to the plate and just do it. Don't wait for him to do it, just because he is the man. Nearly everyone has told you that he has shown interest and that he gave you an opening to say that you like him, YOU were the one to reject that. So don't be surprised if he will think twice about repeating the gesture. You want him? - Go for it! YOu don't have endless time and endless number of opportunity Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted March 19, 2009 Author Share Posted March 19, 2009 Have you not considered he may have meant just what he said, Ren? If a man told me to stop doing something, that is what I would do. In the beginning, I thought that was what he meant, in a serious way? But then he was smiling and joking it seemed, when he said it. I have a hard time telling when someone is serious and when someone isn't, esp when they are prone to joking around with almost everybody. Shika, how can you tell he is NOT interested in me, considering he jokes around with me, chats with me, etc??? I just want to make sure I have ALL my bases covered before I make a move and ask him out in a roundabout way. Link to comment
shikashika Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 In the beginning, I thought that was what he meant, in a serious way? But then he was smiling and joking it seemed, when he said it. I have a hard time telling when someone is serious and when someone isn't, esp when they are prone to joking around with almost everybody. Shika, how can you tell he is NOT interested in me, considering he jokes around with me, chats with me, etc??? I just want to make sure I have ALL my bases covered before I make a move and ask him out in a roundabout way. To me, if a guy made a comment like that to me, (the "people are going to think you are interested in me) first of all it would be a turnoff for me. I would think it was patronising.. unless this guy is 16, which i'm guessing he's not. That attitude would really irk me. and, most of all, if he has the balls to make a comment like that, he has the balls to ask you out! Link to comment
penelope13 Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 I just want to make sure I have ALL my bases covered before I make a move and ask him out in a roundabout way. If this is your approach to dating and life - you will not be very successful, since this is NOT how life works. There are no guarantees. There will not be a single situation where everyone will tell you the thing you want to hear. - We were not there, how can any of us know more than you do? All of the answers of the posters are based on very limited information. But you are the one who has seen his body language, heard his voice. And even if he does turn you down? So what? Life will continue and you can still continue your fencing training with him. Let me use again an analogy from fencing: there is no single defensive movement that will cover your whole body, you are always open somewhere for a potential attack. All you can do is to learn to recognize if/ when/ in what way your opponent will attack you. If you want to score a point yourself, you don't achieve that either by stepping back all the time and by not doing anything. You have chose some kind of ACTION. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted March 19, 2009 Author Share Posted March 19, 2009 Penelope, you are very correct, it's either action or inaction. And there is no way to tell about the outcome. Sometimes one just has to take chances and see where the chips may fall. Link to comment
shikashika Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Look, in any case where a guy has asked me out... he has made his interest known right away.. none of this beating around the bush for hours/ days/ weeks/ months on end. If he likes you, he will do something.. even the most shyest of guys. If not.. do you really want a guy that can't do anything about it? I say move on. Link to comment
EQD Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 dont be like one woman i know. she has been taking a yoga class for an entire year and hasnt even spoken a sentence outside of 'hellos and goodbyes' to the guy she has a crush on. get em tiger! *nudges you towards "P"* Link to comment
penelope13 Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 If he likes you, he will do something.. even the most shyest of guys. If not.. do you really want a guy that can't do anything about it? Maybe check out some of the threads on the dating shy forum. - So many guys post how much trouble they have approaching a girl. it's your personal choice to choose if you want to date someone is shy, but it's not fair to require him to overcome his shyness if you yourself are not willing to do so. Never expect someone else to do something for you, that you are not willing to do so yourself. Link to comment
shikashika Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Maybe check out some of the threads on the dating shy forum. - So many guys post how much trouble they have approaching a girl. it's your personal choice to choose if you want to date someone is shy, but it's not fair to require him to overcome his shyness if you yourself are not willing to do so. Never expect someone else to do something for you, that you are not willing to do so yourself. I'm saying that I wouldn't want a guy who couldn't do anything... I would never want a relationship with a guy who couldn't ask me out. also, ren is in her 30s...as I am. This is something I might have put up with in my teens or early twenties, but not anymore. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 also, ren is in her 30s...as I am. This is something I might have put up with in my teens or early twenties, but not anymore. The same applies the other way around: a woman in her 30s should be able to recognize when someone is flirting with her and answer back with confidence. Men 'shouldn't' have to put up with insecurity and shyness either Link to comment
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