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So I woke up and just couldn't rationalise what my world has become. I have no purpose and am preventing myself from moving on because my thoughts are consumed by her. I don't think about what she is doing, I worry that she doesn't think about me any more. That I'm just her ex-boyfriend and not this guy she planned on spending the rest of her life with.

 

Its day 17 of NC. We've spoken once in 34 days since we broke up. We never said NC its just kind of happened. During the break up I came accross as clingy for sure as I thought I was fighting for us, but instead ended up pushing her further away.

 

I really miss her. I want to initiate some contact but I want her to want to speak to me, and I know she'll only be getting in touch out of politeness then. I guess I just need a reality check.

 

I want to move on. I want to be able to start making some positive steps in my life. But I'm paralysed and consumed by thoughts of her. Part of me thinking that she'll want me to get in touch, and she's wondering why I haven't. But I know thats hope. I feel imprisoned by this hope.

 

I know if I get in touch I'll just be handing the power back to her, but right now I have no power. Feel completely out of control. Everything that happens in my life feels pointless because I'm not sharing it with her.

 

Ugh God this feeling sucks.

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Go easy on yourself... your only 1 month into this and youve done incredibly well going NC for 17 days.

 

Trust me, my ex left after 6 years 4 months ago so I know how you feel but NC is the only option here. I wish I would have been strong enough to do it then but instead i stayed in contact for 3 months although it was always her initiating the contact. you both need time on your own and it will get easier..just hang in there and try keep busy.

 

These forums have been a massive help and comfort to me so post on here whenever ur down..

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The feeling does suck, but it only get worse. You need to think about yourself. The bottom line...she's just a girl who doesn't care anymore. IF she did, she'd show it by not torturing you. Just do whatever you can to not think of her, in a safe manner of course. Please, just don't let yourself sink into contacting her. It gets easier as the days pass.

 

Good luck.

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I know exactly how you're feeling. I'm going through the same thing. Every morning when I wake up I want to call or text her. I've been texting because I can't seem to stop myself and it only hurts more when she doesn't text back. I end up checking my phone every couple of minutes until I go to bed. Even waking up in the middle of the night to check it. It sucks man but hang in there. I'm trying to keep telling myself why would I really care if someone who says they love me but can't be with me right now is thinking about me. I know she probably is just not as much as I think about her. That's the power I have to get back. I know you can do it too. Go ahead and hope you'll get back together if that helps ease the pain. If it helps you get your life moving again than use it to improve yourself. If you don't ever get back together than you'll be in a better place anyway and it won't hurt as much. We just need to get our confidence levels back up. It'll happen! And you know what if she can't see what she left then it's her loss.

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