waterstorm Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Hi everyone, Im 26 years old and im in love in my roommate. The situation is that I meet him about 5-6 years ago and we started to get to know each other. I did hit on him a couple times, but all that he stated was that he was straight. Then one day when we were at a friends birthday party he said "James is my secret gay lover." for me that took me by shock. The only thing that he could say about that was he was trying get everyone to loosen up and start to enjoy the party. The next situation is when he did move in to my place. we were in our room, we shared a room for a while. he was sitting on the bed and i happened to be on my knees at the time and everyone in the living room asked us what we were doing and he started moaning and pushing my head closer to him. I have been in love with him ever since i meet him. He has been there for me through all of my tough times. The bigest problem for me is that i cant express my feelings. This has always been a problem of mine when it comes to guys that i like. I am planning on talking to him about the feelings that i have for him, but i dont know how he is going to take it. Got any advice on how i should bring it up? and on what course of action to take? This is my first time asking for advice in any sort of situation but this i need help on. I just dont know what to do, I have started a journal to keep thought and feelings in, but that does not always help since i see him on a daily basis. I know that if he moves out things will be tougher on me, although i know that it would be for the best. Link to comment
chiefoptimizer Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 sorry to hear that mate... It sounds a lot like he is straight and extra comfortable in his sexuality, and his words/acts are meant to be funny...And I know how much it hurts too... I don't really know what to advise you other than to live separately. Telling him about your feelings may make him stop it all and also may help you get over him. does he know you are gay? do you know what his feelings are towards gay people? is there a chance he may not take you being gay well? Link to comment
waterstorm Posted March 19, 2009 Author Share Posted March 19, 2009 sorry to hear that mate... It sounds a lot like he is straight and extra comfortable in his sexuality, and his words/acts are meant to be funny...And I know how much it hurts too... I don't really know what to advise you other than to live separately. Telling him about your feelings may make him stop it all and also may help you get over him. does he know you are gay? do you know what his feelings are towards gay people? is there a chance he may not take you being gay well? Yes he knows that im gay. To be honest at first he stated that he was a homophobe, he openly admitted that to me one day. like i said he already knows that im gay. Im just confused about my feelings for him. I have been in relationships before and never felt this way about anyone else. Link to comment
chiefoptimizer Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Yes he knows that im gay. To be honest at first he stated that he was a homophobe, he openly admitted that to me one day. like i said he already knows that im gay. Im just confused about my feelings for him. I have been in relationships before and never felt this way about anyone else. He claims to be a homophobe, when he knows you are gay, and he does his little acts? I gather that he doesn't mean "homophobe" in the usual sense then. I have a straight friend who claimed to be a homophobe too, but he just meant that he wasn't gay and didn't want to be touched and stuff. you need to have a serious talk with him (just to put your mind at rest), and then you need to live separately. That's what I think anyway, and maintaining the status quo will only hurt you more. Sorry... Link to comment
waterstorm Posted March 19, 2009 Author Share Posted March 19, 2009 He claims to be a homophobe, when he knows you are gay, and he does his little acts? I gather that he doesn't mean "homophobe" in the usual sense then. I have a straight friend who claimed to be a homophobe too, but he just meant that he wasn't gay and didn't want to be touched and stuff. you need to have a serious talk with him (just to put your mind at rest), and then you need to live separately. That's what I think anyway, and maintaining the status quo will only hurt you more. Sorry... i know that i need to have a talk with him, the other thing is that i trust him with my life, and i made that very clear to him one night. I also told him that i wanted him to be my first, he never said yes or no to that. he just changed the subject after a while of silence. The other thing is that he has seen me in some of my other relationships and he was there to stop some of stuff that was going on. He never interferred in my relationships he was just there to stand by my side if something went wrong, i always thought that i had someone that i could talk to. Things have not changed much with that, its just i feel safe when he is around. I know that if he moves out and we live seperatly things would be alot different. One of the other things that i did not mention was that i have been fighting depression. That is the reason that i started a journal was to keep everything straight and out in the open. That is where i put all of my feelings for him. Im not the type of guy that is going to hurt myself, but he has stopped things from happening on multiple occasions. Link to comment
Nina_2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 It seems that this guy does care about you. I believe that there is no such a thing as being gay, I believe that almost everyone has a potential to love anyone. It gets more complicated when it comes to sex. Sex and love do not go together in lot of the cases. Some people with whom I had sex never loved me (the same is true for me) and there were people who loved me and we never had sex. To find sex is not difficult, to find love is a lucky chance. From what you are saying this guy might love you since he cares... The fact that his jokes are about being gay would make me think that there is some dilemma, may be he is not even admitting it to himself, but there is something... I am pretty sure he knows about your feelings, things like that are hard to hide especially if you live together. The fact that he moved in with you knowing that you are gay also makes me wonder... However most likely he would not develop any sex relationship with you. So by having this conversation you have to figure out WHAT do you want from it. Do you want just to declare your love, do you have a hope on his positive response, or do you care for him enough to ask him to move out not to put him in the situation when he has to deal with your feelings that you have difficulty to hold to yourself? Or do you want this conversation to make him go and hoping that by doing it you will find some cure for your feelings? If I were you I would have a serious conversation with myself about it. If I would seriously consider that by removing him from my daily life would help me to fall out of love, I would have this conversation and just basically ask him to consider helping you this way. However, knowing myself i can say that removing someone from my daily life (if I am truly in love) would not help. Most likely I would have this conversation because of the responsibility that I would feel for this person, I wouldn't want him to be in the situation when he is doomed to fail my dreams permanently. It is not fun to be in these shoes, I wouldn't want it for myself, I wouldn't want it for anybody else, especially if I love someone unconditionally. Another option is to make an effort and try to rebuild your view on this situation. He cares about you, he is with you, you love him, well, yes, relationship is not established in the proper idea of what relationship should be. But who said what relationship should be? May be it is possible for you to find appreciation in what you have. Link to comment
waterstorm Posted March 19, 2009 Author Share Posted March 19, 2009 I can tell you that i do apreciate what i have right now. as to the proper relationship well that is something that we as individuals know. I have not had sex at all with any of my relationships, so i dont think that is a factor. That is the thing neither one of us have jobs right now so asking him to move out is not an option. As for putting him through having to deal with me and my emotions when im around him, thats something that he has to decide on. all that i know is that when i talk to him i know that he will listen, he has listened to me before when certain conversations have come up. The basic thing is that he has saved my life in more ways than i can count. Im just trying to figure out what options and steps to take. I am not going put him into a position of feeling uncomfortable around me. Link to comment
pianoguy Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Hi waterstorm, I was in the same situation. It nearly killed me. You can read if you are interested. I'd recommend moving out as soon as possible. I'm sorry that this happened, it's a recipe for misery. Link to comment
waterstorm Posted March 20, 2009 Author Share Posted March 20, 2009 i know the feeling about almost killing you, pianoguy. I have been faced with that many times and each time He has been there to stop anything from happening. I guess you could call him a gaurdian angel or something else. Im not sure anymore, the most that i know is that if and when he moves out things are going to be tough on me. Link to comment
pianoguy Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 But not nearly as tough if he stays there. In the long run it'll be much better when you two aren't roommates. Link to comment
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