Chaos of all Sorts

[Miss Diva]

Ok, so I've been really in to this guy for a couple years now... I've known him for about 14/15 years. He is 25 years older than me... which really isn't an issue to me.. but it is for others... Anywho... I'm just not sure how to tell if he is in to me... For starters he has a girlfriend... which he claims he is trying to get rid of (but still hasn't)... he use to come to my work maybe once a day on his way home.. but lately he shows up about 3 to 4 times a day. He looks at me like he wants me... but he never calls me... says that he can't save my number cause the girlfriend will find out... and the majority of the time when I call him... he doesn't answer. But... if he is trying to get rid of her... why would he care if she finds out? I'm really confused because everyone says it looks like he is really into me just by the way he acts and presents himself around me. I really don't know how to tell... Is he really into me? Or just trying to get into my pants? Any ideas? I'm running out of patience...

[huskiesfan]

Hello MissDiva, and welcome to eNA---

 

Well, it does sound like he's into you. There's no question about that, from the way he interacts with you, to the way he wants to "hide" you from his girlfriend. However, the fact that he's hanging around you while he's still with his girlfriend seems a little bit troubling.

 

To me, it sounds like this could be a situation where the guy is having some problems with his girlfriend, and he's looking for someone else, but still has feelings for his girlfriend. That's most likely why he hasn't broken up with her yet. Why else would he stick around if the relationship is truly that bad?

 

The easiest way you could tell if he views you as either a potential gf or a booty call is to ask him to not contact you until he and his girlfriend broken up and he's had some time to process things. If he still contacts you, congratulations, he was looking for a relationship. If not, at least you know that a relationship wasn't going to happen.

 

It would be hard, especially you've been into this guy for a while, but since he still is with his current gf, this is a situation you should steer clear of. What if his girlfriend finds about about you? Noone wants to be seen as "the other person".

[waveseer]

One thing you may not think of is that many older men really don't like to let go of their woman no matter what because they feel their chances of forming a new permanent bond are not so good. One in the hand so to speak.

[ghost69]

you've known this guy 14/15 years and cannot figure him out? sounds to me like you don't know him well.

 

you need to disregard all advances by him until his gf is gone....for good. not just out of town.

 

that font was spicy. burned my eyes.

[Miss Diva]

I know that there are problems and that he obviously has some feelings for her... I mean this is the first girl he has been with since his divorce... He had told me once that he was use to rejection and that he understnads if I am not in to him. I kept my distance for so long because I wasn't really sure how would feel about the age difference... but now that I know he doesn't care about that.. I'm getting to know him better... little by little... I have a ways to go... but should I hold on to that hope of a possible relationship? Or should I just move on? Obviously letting go will be the hardest choice and thing to do... but is it necessary? Or should I maybe just start playing hard to get to make him realize he better make his decision fast or he could lose me?

[huskiesfan]

This is a time when you should do the hard thing.

 

Move on. Don't necessarily give up hope on a relationship in the future, but give up on the hope of a relationship right now. What I mean by that is to remember in your mind that this is the best thing to do for now, that he has issues that he needs to work out at the present moment, and that if he truly wants to be a in a relationship with you, he will be coming along in good time.

 

Is it necessary? I'd say so. If you stick around and let yourself get sucked into games such as playing hard to get, your not only going to end up hurting yourself, but you will make yourself look worse in his eyes, and it could be the catalyst for his relationship with this girl to take a turn for the better. You are better off removing yourself from the situation completely and letting things run their course.

 

If he is into you, putting distance between you and he and not contacting him works just as well as playing "hard to get" without any of the negative effects. He will realize that you do not want to be his second choice, or his fallback girl.