stalking?

[alex9]

what is stalking?

 

I pulled this off wikipedia which is a pretty standard definition of stalking.

 

obsessive following, observing or contacting of another person, or the obsessive attempt to engage in any of these activities. It has been applied to following a person to certain places to see where they live or what they do on a daily basis, to seeking and obtaining a person's personal information (from computers, electoral rolls, personal files or other material containing private information or elsewhere), without his consent, in order to contact him.

 

what about cyber stalking?

 

the reason i ask these questions is some women recently said that i needed to stop stalking her . Brief history: we dated when we lived in the same city for about 3 months. We had a brief sexual relationship. She moved to another city and we kept in contact mainly through email and MSN. When she first moved to a new city for her new job she didnt know anyone and she would call me like everyday. Sometimes she would text me to come online . I mean i had a life but she did intrigue me so i just went with it.

 

so anyway....this woman has been asking when im going to come visit her and wants me to move to chicago. I keep telling her i am not gonna visit at this time but that when the economy gets better i will and i am not going to move to chicago. The last few months we've talked maybe twice a week. This has been going on for about a year though. She's kind've like my best phone buddy...you know..someone you talk to about things . I don't really have anyone else like that in my life right now. Me and this girl we tell each other everything. I told her i would come visit this summer.

 

anyway..this past month she's been playing this game where if i dont come visit her sooner she's not going to talk to me anymore. She would text me "please go away" out of the blue and then 30 minutes later text "im sorry"

 

so a couple weeks ago she texted me that is was over and not to call her again. I was kind of tired of the games and so i didnt contact her at all for 2 weeks.. So a few days ago i saw her on MSN and pm'd and there was no answer. The next day i saw her on MSN again and pm'd her and she said " stop stalking me"...she went on about how i was scaring her now and that i was gonna stalk her. Now i know...noone in their wildest imagination would consider msging someone on MSN twice as stalking.

 

i'm sort of upset that this woman would do this..there were some feelings there but i'm not sure if it would have worked,. Her erratic behavior always made me cautious.

 

so i told one of my friends that she is accusing of stalking her (he knows her) and he said thats just what women do. Woman accuse guys of stalking them all the time is what he said. Now..i'm not saying that but is the term stalking or cyberstalking being thrown around way too often these days?

 

to me cyberstalking is not pm'ing someone on MSN. I'm sure if you pm someone enough and they don't repond it could be considered an annoyance or in the extreme cases harrassent...but is it possible for it to ever become cyber stalking?

 

also..what should i do about this girl? should i just give up on her ?

[akazie]

to me cyberstalking is not pm'ing someone on MSN. I'm sure if you pm someone enough and they don't repond it could be considered an annoyance or in the extreme cases harrassent...but is it possible for it to ever become cyber stalking?

 

link removed

 

A number of key factors have been identified:

 

* False accusations. Many cyberstalkers try to damage the reputation of their victim and turn other people against them. They post false information about them on websites. They may set up their own websites, blogs or user pages for this purpose. They post allegations about the victim to newsgroups, chat rooms or other sites that allow public contributions, such as Wikipedia or link removed.[4]

* Attempts to gather information about the victim. Cyberstalkers may approach their victim's friends, family and work colleagues to obtain personal information. They may advertise for information on the Internet, or hire a private detective. They often will monitor the victim's online activities and attempt to trace their IP address in an effort to gather more information about their victims. [5]

* Encouraging others to harass the victim. Many cyberstalkers try to involve third parties in the harassment. They may claim the victim has harmed the stalker or his/her family in some way, or may post the victim's name and telephone number in order to encourage others to join the pursuit.

* False victimization. The cyberstalker will claim that the victim is harassing him/her. Bocij writes that this phenomenon has been noted in a number of well-known cases.

* Attacks on data and equipment. They may try to damage the victim's computer by sending viruses.

* Ordering goods and services. They order items or subscribe to magazines in the victim's name. These often involve subscriptions to pornography or ordering sex toys then having them delivered to the victim's workplace.

* Arranging to meet. Young people face a particularly high risk of having cyberstalkers try to set up meetings between them

So persistent emailing can be used to harasses someone else but from what you have said here I wouldn't say that you are a stalker (lol). Personally, I can't believe you have to ask others for advice on what to do about this girl. Anyone in their right mind would stop having anything to do with her, afterall she asked you not to contact her and to me she doesn't sound very stable.

[alex9]

link removed

 

So persistent emailing can be used to harasses someone else but from what you have said here I wouldn't say that you are a stalker (lol). Personally, I can't believe you have to ask others for advice on what to do about this girl. Anyone in their right mind would stop having anything to do with her, afterall she asked you not to contact her and to me she doesn't sound very stable.

 

not everyone is perfect. People have flaws

 

but anyway...i originally meant to just start a topic on what could be considered cyberstalking

 

i mean...if i wanted to i could leave her a message on her MSN every morning that just said " good morning" or whatever....and that wouldn't be cyber stalking...it may be creepy or annoying but not cyber stalking

[jengh]

I think she's just mad you got fed up with her crap. You're not a stalker.

[villie]

I think she's just mad you got fed up with her crap. You're not a stalker.

 

Spot on!!

 

She's angry that you wouldn't give it all up for her or something.

 

You are definatly not a stalker. I wouldn't attempt to contact her again.

 

There was someone i knew who thought i was 'stalking' them - why? Because i would go on this online chatting site that they go on too (i was a member before we knew each other). So they see me log on and think im stalking them - even tho i dont message them! Got to be kidding.

 

 

CyberStalking would be different to everbody. This lady obviously feels getting a couple of messages on msn to be that. Others may see it as following the a person around on the net - joining sites/message boards they go to on purpose. If you email a lot or contant MSN or something, it might get annoying but i dont think its stalking. - unless its threats (thats different). Usually with that you can block people.

 

If someone doesn't want you to see them online - they can remove you or block you. I know i do.

[JadedStar]

You are not stalking her, but since the last message from her was 'it's over and not to call her again" i wouldn't have sent her any messages at all regardless if she was on MSN or not.

 

This one is simple. Just don't contact her ever again, even if she sends you an email begging for you to call.

 

She might be unstable so if you just don't contact her again no need to worry about her trying to make up stories about you stalking her. Just let this one go. For good. Do not let her send some little 'im sorry' message and get you talking to her again. She is likely a nut.

[deaxtime2]

I agree I had drama queen ex-GF go as far as to get the police to come talk to me.

Long story but basically I was taking the bus home and she happen to get on the same bus as me. This was after 4 months after she told me I ruined her life and never talk to her again.

 

I didn't acknowledge that she was there and kept reading my book.

 

The officer was understanding, in fact he was quite pissed at her for wasting his time having to come to my house. But he had "follow" through on the complaint.

 

She still creeps me up on the internet from time to time which is odd but oh well.

[akazie]

i mean...if i wanted to i could leave her a message on her MSN every morning that just said " good morning" or whatever....and that wouldn't be cyber stalking...it may be creepy or annoying but not cyber stalking

 

I'm curious why you think this wouldn't be stalking

 

Stalking is any unwanted attention that causes fear to the victim, even you said yourself that it may be "creepy". BTW you are talking to a stalking victim and I am very well educated on what stalking is and what methods these freaks use.