feeling lonely

[Daphne89]

I'm 19 and in college and I'm in some clubs but recently I have been noticing I spend a lot of time alone in my dorm. I do have friends but most of them have significant others and are always with them and then they make plans and don't think to call me sometimes.

I have also been in a rut of sorts and for some reason no guy is showing ANY interest in me. I don't know why I'm single, I love sports and I am not high-maintenance (but I do take care of myself), and it's not like I act as if I'm unavailable. Is there something wrong with me? Am I ugly? I don't think I am but I don't know what to think anymore. Is there anyway I can get guys to notice me? Is there anything that I can do just to keep myself occupied, my life is starting to get lonely, even with the clubs I'm in.

[Laymisse]

Ok so you say you're in some clubs - do they have socials you could join in with? I think the most important thing for you to do is widen your circle of friends and i say this from experience. Perhaps join a few more societies, get a job and meet more people through that (plus it would occupy your time), or even just get to know more people in your dorms. I had the same problem as you last year, and i wasn't miserable but i felt so bored and like i was wasting my life. This year i met new people and i love uni now.

Keep up meeting new people - friends of friends, new societies, whatever. And with regards to the friends you already have, talk to them about it? Tell them you feel a bit lonely and it would be great if you guys could go out more. If they're really friends they should understand.

And men ... if you're happy within yourself then more people will be attracted to you. Go out, have fun and don't succumb to the pressure of feeling you want/have to have a partner because your friends spend lots of time with theirs. Just enjoy all aspects of uni life.

Hope any of this helps. Keep your chin up and best of luck!

[Sunny1607307996]

I felt like that last quarter too. I felt like I didn't really know anybody, and I don't live on campus so it's hard to join clubs, so it was kind of hard to get to know people.

 

What kind of clubs are you in? Maybe you could join some different ones, some clubs that are geared toward being social, and meeting new people. Do you talk to people in your classes? I find that I have the most in common with classmates from my favorite classes. Have you declared a major? Maybe there's a major mentor program at your school and you can meet (and network!) with people in your major.

 

Also, forget about finding a guy. These things don't happen when you're desparately looking and waiting for every guy to notice you. Focus on schoolwork and meeting new friends, and enjoying your life at college, and eventually a guy will say "Hey, that girl looks interesting. I think I'll go say hi".

[VTR-RC51]

I know the feeling well. I've gone through phases of loneliness, but they have always passed. You need to keep yourself occupied. Do things you that you have never tried, join a club? Take some lessons? Dance, Yoga, exercise? You'd be surprised where you can meet people.

[Yanet]

Are guys not approaching you? Or do you get to know guys but they don't want anything more than friendship?

 

If it's the former then your problem may be either physical attractiveness or not getting introduced to enough guys by your friends so a lot of them aren't aware of your existence. I know you said you don't think you're ugly.

 

If it's the latter then maybe you're coming accross as too desperate or in some way crazy.

 

Since I don't know you at all I can't say guess anything else as to why you aren't being approached. If you get desperate enough look for a shy guy in one of your classes and start talking to him. It'll be like two kindred spirits.

[Johnathan]

I dealt with that when I was in college too. Finally a few months before graduation, I met a girl who was super into me and we hit it off, but I wasn't that interested in her. I just went along with it because I was bored and had no other outs (so at the very least, i think something like that will come your way, but it'll probably be something even better.)

Its been 5 years since then. And I'm still dealing with the loneliness and depression and self esteem issues. I did have some awesome experiences between then and now, but like Trent Reznor & Johnny Cash said, "everyone I know goes away in the end"

[c579j]

I feel like I am still in your situation, and I have been out of school for a while. I think it gets harder when you get out of school, because you lose that instant community that you have. You have to work twice as hard to build it. The workplace may make it harder too.

 

I would suggest you take advantage of all the people that are around you. I always found that people on campus are more welcoming. You start new classes every semester, meet people through that at least (since you have to be there), invite them to lunch after class or to study sessions or some campus event, or invite them to be a member of the clubs you're in. You already have common topics to talk about- hw, cafeteria food, etc. I am very solitary in nature also, I know it's hard. Try to participate more in the clubs you're in, there may also be community service clubs that bring people to work together. Maybe try to get both your friends and their boyfriends together for a weekly Sunday dinner at the cafeteria, at least you'll still see them once in a while.

 

As for the guy issue. I pined for this one guy for almost all of college, my friends finally almost pushed me to talk to him. And he was the shyest non-intimidating guy. Did get a kiss out of that, but not much else. I think guys are oblivious sometimes, even if there's someone you could see as potential friend material, find a way to talk to him. Ask him if he's taken a class you're interested in. Just work on putting yourself out there, no pressure for a bf. College is the best low-pressure time to meet people. If you don't think some people are friend material, there's always new people next semester!