I just want to focus on my life!

[LonelyPast]

Hi guys,

 

A few months ago I made a post on here asking about the plausability of dating while clinically depressed. I remember feeling encouraged at the time, but was also told that I'd need to have some pretty thick skin in order to weather the inevitable emotional blows that come with dating.

 

Now, 3 months later, I'm not sure if my skin is thick enough. I've been ignored and turned down in-person, sent out hundreds of messages on dating websites, spent dozens of hours reading girls' profiles, and even been on a few awkward dates, but I'd be hard pressed to see any benefits amongst the flood of rejections and self-doubts. It truly boggles my mind that billions of people have made it through all this! Since I'm depressed my emotional fortitude isn't as strong as others', so after 6 months of dating failures I've just about reached my tolerance limits.

 

Now the smart thing to do seems to be to focus on the more enjoyable parts

of my life in order to counter-balance all of the negative emotions that I've been feeling. Believe me when I say I've been trying! In the last couple of months I've taken on additional classes in school, taken up snowshoeing, started reading again, gone to yoga twice a week, got a keyboard and learned to play a few things, taken both Lindy Hop and salsa dancing classes, spent a few afternoons playing board and video games, and spent a lot of time at family gatherings.

 

Unfortunately depression follows me everywhere I go. I have a hard time enjoying whatever I'm doing and nothing really seems to hold my interest. All I can think about is how lonely I am and how sorry I feel for myself. I've actually developed a kind of masochistic pride in how perfectly single I've been my entire life.

 

Like my therapist is always telling me, I know this is twisted thinking that doesn't serve me. This depression has just left a void in my thoughts that nothing else can fill! For example, I've hiked to the tops of mountains and observed what I know to be breathtaking scenery, but since I don't really care all I can think about is how desperately I wish I had someone there with me. In other cases I'll read something hilarious but refrain from laughing because I still don't feel like it's worth it to laugh by myself.

 

I NEED to be able to enjoy these things by myself and stop hoping somebody else can complete me! Hope is what's kept me going these last few months, and now that it's running out I'm afraid I might just give up on my life again and sink back into the very bad places that I've finally managed to escape!

 

So... Logically I can understand all this, but my emotions still betray me. Even now, listening to this girl on the other side of the bus talking on her phone with her boyfriend just reminds me that I'm alone and miserable! I'd rather block those thoughts out, but I can't seem to care enough about anything else to displace them...

 

I'm not sure where I'm going with this post, but I felt like venting here since my therapy doesn't feel like enough. If any of you folks have experienced clinical depression, know what I'm talking about, or have even made it through this then I'd love to have some advice right now!

 

Thanks,

Alex

[Yanet]

As I've said before, I think the best thing for guys like you, who have depression and no experience is to use prostitutes. Gain some sexual experience and build up a mentality that women aren't all that special so getting rejected by one in particular isn't a huge deal: just move onto the next girl. Hopefully the end result is that you'll stop caring about a relationship with a woman to make your life happy. Maybe look through my post history for stuff related to this.

[wazza]

You won't be able to perform your best in the dating scene unless you find a way to get past your depression, but i think you know that already. You should definitely put the dating aside and put more effort into looking for more successful means of overcoming your depression. I don't know if i've experienced depression as serious as yours but I was once in very very bad shape and I got past it by using someone for their love. I would definitely not advocate the use of prostitutes, as it is illegal and, although it provides for a good experience, it might make your depression even worse. There are all kinds of programs out their to help people love themselves more. If you are doing yoga on your own, i'd start doing yoga in a class to put yourself in a more social and loving environment. In fact, any kind of group fitness program will help you to meet people who can make you happy and do physical activities that will make you feel alot better as well.

 

Let me say this. Rejection sucks, especially when it is a frequent and regular thing. This doesn't necessarily mean that there is something wrong with you. It just means you haven't been on dates with people who you are compatible with. I would recommend that you read the dating advice on link removed. It will definitely help you get past your "awkward dates" and give you new insights on relationships and stuff like that. It's my bible to life. I would use this and other resources to work on your dating skills while you're off trying to improve your self image and emotional state.

 

i hope this was more helpful than the prostitute thing