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How long to wait


kawemt

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I have been with my current boyfriend for going on three years. He is wonderful in almost every way. I say almost because he has one hangup. He has yet to say "I love you." I have talked to his mom about this and I guess she can count how many times she has heard him say those words to her, and non of them were until after high school. When I talk to him about it he says he is working on it and if he didn't feel that way he wouldn't be living with me. We bought a house last year and I only put it in my name. I told him until we were married I felt better that way. He shows the way he feels daily with sweet little jestures and then replies actions speak louder then words. The first time I said I loved him he told me he prefers the implied rather then the stated.

He plans our wedding out but has yet to propose. When I asked him why he just said it scared him to get married. I guess my question is, do I keep waiting for those words or move on? I will be 30 in a couple months and want to have more children, I have a 4 year old from a previous relationship. He has told others he loves me just not me. Please help me, I am feel like I am going crazy.

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Something sounds strange with that. A phobia of saying the words "I love you" when he acutally does love you is one of a kind I would think. Just tell him you want to hear it and it should be a small task for him. Its not like youre asking him to jump off a cliff. Tell him firmly you need to hear this, give him a couple of months to get his mind frame in order (not sure why it would take so long but give him time) and if he still doesnt want to tell you then see a psyh or something. If that doesnt help then you have to ask yourself if you are prepared to be with someone who doesnt express affection verbally. If you cant leave if you can stay.

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I've heard of men like this. Couples that have spent decades together and the man has rarely said "I love you". The women say they know their man loves them because they show it, not say it.... and it works for them. You know he loves you. Personally, I'm not sure I could live with that either. He might say it a few times here & there, but basically... I doubt he will ever say it to you regularly. You are going to have to either accept that or leave him because it just isn't going to be a frequent thing for him to say.

 

As for getting engaged, try to talk to him about roughly when this wedding is going to happen. Doesn't have to be a solid engagement, just "summer 2010-ish" or something. If nothing progresses between now and then, then you know it might not ever happen.

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I was kinda wondering about some sort of attachment disorder myself. I have told him that before we could get married I needed to hear the words a lease once. I grew up in a family very big on expressing our emotions, so this is completely new to me. Sometimes I feel like I make excuses for his actions, but maybe they don't need to be explained. I am very close to his family and they seem to understand where I am coming from. They have been helping me by talking to me about the person he has been all his life. Still I feel like such a whinny little *itch for even complaining about the lack of words. I never knew what wasn't said could hurt as much as what was.

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