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Dating nearly two months, very hot and cold behavior..,


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Dating this guy for 7 and a half weeks. Met on a dating site, we talked in depth for a month every day online before meeting. I see him 1-2 times a week, he lives 20 minutes away. We usually have a sleep over once a week too. We are not yet exclusive. When he's with me, he goes all out. Surprises me with my favorite things, takes me out, pays for things, opens car doors, cooks me dinner and brings wine, gets me little gifts, is completely affectionate and interested--holds my hand at the movie theater, all cuddled up with me on the sofa during movies or when we sleep, kisses me goodbye if he leaves my house for work after sleeping over and I'm still in bed. The perfect man. But then oftentimes he'll sort of disappear or back off for several days at a time. I won't hear from him, he won't log on, he doesn't text/respond to texts...so I start wondering what's up. But then, he'll be back, just as "perfect" as always and ever so eager to see me. This is odd to me because before we met in person, we talked over AIM every single day, without missing a day. I guess I still have it in my head that that's "normal" for us and I still am a little curious when he doesn't come online for a few days.


He oftentimes talks about things we need to do in the future. He's told me, very straightforward, that I'm probably the coolest girl he knows. That he feels like he can be himself around me and that he can relate a lot better with me than other girls. He said he wishes he'd met me sooner. He also mentions that he probably behaves a little more "goofy" and himself around me because he feels comfortable with me and he's probably more "normal" with other people who he's less comfortable with--pretty much, he feels like I won't judge him if he says or does something silly. Makes jokes about how I should move into the massive-multi-person-party house he lives in(he's said this in joking at least 7-8 times since I've known him), but obviously this is silly because I've only known him two months and I own my own house. I've met all of his roommates and friends.


Some times he says things that I find odd. For instance, he *knows* I'm single. He knows this, there's no way he could not know this. I met him on a dating site--all of my online accounts-myspace, facebook, etc, all say single and I've never mentioned another guy to him; but he'll make some quick remark in passing that "my boyfriend" wouldn't like something--like a mark he's left on me from kissing or something he's left in my house--like a toothbrush. He always laughs when he says it, but I find it very odd and I always brush it off or dismiss it. I don't know if maybe I'm being "tested" or what.


Any way, so he goes back and forth from being gone for days or aloof--speaking to me briefly daily, to being completely attentive. What is up with this?

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I've been there twice. Obviously we spend more time at my place because I live alone and he has several roommates. But I went there once around date 5ish--I met one of his roommates, we all hung out for awhile. Then I went a second time about two weeks ago on his birthday--met *all* of his friends--who were drunk--proceeded to get drunk with them and spent the night with him.

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So what do you want out of this? Do you want to be exlcusive?


He's acting like he's either dating other women still and drops out of sight when involved with them, or he doesn't really want an exclusive relationship/steady girlfriend at this point.


So I think you need to decide what you want... do you want to be exclusive? After 2 months it might be time for talk as you don't want to invest a whole lot in him only to discover he's dating someone else he is more serious about than you.

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My take is that he has a primary woman in his life, and when he goes MIA, he is with her for extended periods.


It sounds like you are the side dish...


And his comments aren't testing you. Often people that are cheating or have other partners are the first ones to accuse someone else...

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there is not enough information to know. i think you should put this behavior aside and just ask him about exclusivity. if he says you are the only one dating, then decide if you are o.k. with him disappearing like that. if not you can let him know you would like to hear from him a little bit during that time. relationships are about compromise, if you don't tell him what you need then what is the point?

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