i need it to stop hurting

[sharsachan]

[extra info is in previous threads i've made in other areas if you're interested]

 

i don't even know for certain we're divorcing, he left 2 and 1/2 months ago claiming he wanted divorce, but never initiated anything with it. we have a one year old son and a baby on the way together. he is currently living at his mom's but he comes over almost every day, he sees our son and he also will do garbage or the cat litter boxes for me and he fixes stuff if it needs it.

 

he doesn't treat me bad, even since he left. i was [and still am thanks to the current job market -_-] unemployed and being a stay at home mom when he left, and even though he has not been living here, he has continued to pay the bills and rent instead of forcing me to move in with family that doesn't have room anyway for me and two children [baby will be here in less than 2 months]

 

no i don't think there is another woman because i doubt he would be spending $900 a month on me when he could easily file divorce and only pay me a third of that for child support and spend the rest on his new girl friend.

 

we don't fight, before he left or after, but we also haven't made any progress working anything out, because he doesn't want to talk about it. for a couple minutes we'll be able to have a few good exchanges and than he closes down again and the only thing he will tell me is "i am just unhappy"

 

i think he's going through depression [which he has fought all his life] and he has said repeatedly he still loves me and always will and i just can't make sense of any of it.

 

i went and got the divorce papers almost 3 weeks ago but he will not sit down and fill them out with me, even though he said he wanted to do an uncontested divorce so we wouldn't go through court and that he would pretty much give me whatever i wanted in the divorce because he didn't feel like fighting. and i've told him that i can't fill them out alone, even if he doesn't want to fight. he doesn't want to take it with him and fill out his part and he doesn't want to fill them out with me.

 

there are days that go by where i don't contact him but i can't go completely NC with kids and its hard. because NEEDING to have that contact because of kids opens the door to every other contact. and it isn't only me that inititates the contact so that confuses me even more. not all the contact is about kids and not all of it starts on my end.

 

i love this man so very much, and the fact that NOTHING happened [ie, cheating, abuse, etc] to make him leave plus having kids together makes me want to work this out, but it can't be one sided. i can't fix him. i know he has to fix himself and i don't know if he will.

 

so right now i don't know if we're seperating forever or if he just needs time to himself, but i'm in desperate need of healing. it hurts so much to have him gone. and it hurts twice as much to see him when he picks up or drops off our son and watch him walk away again. i don't know if NC [aside from things about the kids] is better or if we should keep talking to try and work things out and maintain at least a friendship. it's not as though we can just walk away from each other at this point. we're pretty much stuck [to some extent] for the next 18 years, regardless of whether we divorce or not.

[sharsachan]

[extra info is in previous threads i've made in other areas if you're interested]

 

i don't even know for certain we're divorcing, he left 2 and 1/2 months ago claiming he wanted divorce, but never initiated anything with it. we have a one year old son and a baby on the way together. he is currently living at his mom's but he comes over almost every day, he sees our son and he also will do garbage or the cat litter boxes for me and he fixes stuff if it needs it.

 

he doesn't treat me bad, even since he left. i was [and still am thanks to the current job market -_-] unemployed and being a stay at home mom when he left, and even though he has not been living here, he has continued to pay the bills and rent instead of forcing me to move in with family that doesn't have room anyway for me and two children [baby will be here in less than 2 months]

 

no i don't think there is another woman because i doubt he would be spending $900 a month on me when he could easily file divorce and only pay me a third of that for child support and spend the rest on his new girl friend.

 

we don't fight, before he left or after, but we also haven't made any progress working anything out, because he doesn't want to talk about it. for a couple minutes we'll be able to have a few good exchanges and than he closes down again and the only thing he will tell me is "i am just unhappy"

 

i think he's going through depression [which he has fought all his life] and he has said repeatedly he still loves me and always will and i just can't make sense of any of it.

 

i went and got the divorce papers almost 3 weeks ago but he will not sit down and fill them out with me, even though he said he wanted to do an uncontested divorce so we wouldn't go through court and that he would pretty much give me whatever i wanted in the divorce because he didn't feel like fighting. and i've told him that i can't fill them out alone, even if he doesn't want to fight. he doesn't want to take it with him and fill out his part and he doesn't want to fill them out with me.

 

there are days that go by where i don't contact him but i can't go completely NC with kids and its hard. because NEEDING to have that contact because of kids opens the door to every other contact. and it isn't only me that inititates the contact so that confuses me even more. not all the contact is about kids and not all of it starts on my end.

 

i love this man so very much, and the fact that NOTHING happened [ie, cheating, abuse, etc] to make him leave plus having kids together makes me want to work this out, but it can't be one sided. i can't fix him. i know he has to fix himself and i don't know if he will.

 

so right now i don't know if we're seperating forever or if he just needs time to himself, but i'm in desperate need of healing. it hurts so much to have him gone. and it hurts twice as much to see him when he picks up or drops off our son and watch him walk away again. i don't know if NC [aside from things about the kids] is better or if we should keep talking to try and work things out and maintain at least a friendship. it's not as though we can just walk away from each other at this point. we're pretty much stuck [to some extent] for the next 18 years, regardless of whether we divorce or not.

[annie24]

i think you guys should get into counseling right away to fix things. if you can't afford a therapist, go to your local clergy person and sign up for counseling. like you said, there's no cheating, no other lovers, surely you guys can patch things up! you have kids together. you gotta try. good luck

[sharsachan]

i think you guys should get into counseling right away to fix things. if you can't afford a therapist, go to your local clergy person and sign up for counseling. like you said, there's no cheating, no other lovers, surely you guys can patch things up! you have kids together. you gotta try. good luck

 

 

i really want to, but he refuses to go to counseling. i brought it up back in january when he first left, but he says he had a negative experience with it as a child and refuses to go back.