So depressed about baby...

[worrywort]

May I please ramble here?

 

I want a baby and so does my husband. But I tend to worry about everything. I don't see how we can afford to have a baby. We are not poor but we are not wealthy either. My husband makes low 6 figures and I make less than 30K since I am only working part time. I'm know we make enough money to live comfortably for just the two of us and our 3 dogs but we have lost a lot of money in the stock market.

 

We are fortunate enough to own our home and are virtually debt free but our savings have been wiped out by the stock market. We have just enough savings to make it for 3 months if we loose our jobs. I'm not worried about loosing our jobs but I'm so depressed knowing that we can't have a baby right now. I know I'm still young, I am in my mid twenties but I just can't stop thinking about getting pregnant!

 

I watch my friend and her husband struggle financially with their new baby and I don't want to have to go through that. I dont want to have to worry about money when I become a mother. I want to be able to buy my baby whatever she/he wants...It's just depressing....

 

I know I sound like a brat but I can't help but feeling this way....thanks for letting me vent.

[worrywort]

May I please ramble here?

 

I want a baby and so does my husband. But I tend to worry about everything. I don't see how we can afford to have a baby. We are not poor but we are not wealthy either. My husband makes low 6 figures and I make less than 30K since I am only working part time. I'm know we make enough money to live comfortably for just the two of us and our 3 dogs but we have lost a lot of money in the stock market.

 

We are fortunate enough to own our home and are virtually debt free but our savings have been wiped out by the stock market. We have just enough savings to make it for 3 months if we loose our jobs. I'm not worried about loosing our jobs but I'm so depressed knowing that we can't have a baby right now. I know I'm still young, I am in my mid twenties but I just can't stop thinking about getting pregnant!

 

I watch my friend and her husband struggle financially with their new baby and I don't want to have to go through that. I dont want to have to worry about money when I become a mother. I want to be able to buy my baby whatever she/he wants...It's just depressing....

 

I know I sound like a brat but I can't help but feeling this way....thanks for letting me vent.

[melrich]

We are fortunate enough to own our home and are virtually debt free but our savings have been wiped out by the stock market.

 

Based on this and your incomes you are better off than about 95% of the population.

 

Regardless, financially it is almost never a good time to have a baby. But truth be known, babies really don't cost much. The real cost with kids kicks in from about 7 to 8 years of age. So think where you will be more in 10 years time than where you are now.

 

If everyone who is financially stressed today decided not to have children...no babies would be being born at all.

[melrich]

We are fortunate enough to own our home and are virtually debt free but our savings have been wiped out by the stock market.

 

Based on this and your incomes you are better off than about 95% of the population.

 

Regardless, financially it is almost never a good time to have a baby. But truth be known, babies really don't cost much. The real cost with kids kicks in from about 7 to 8 years of age. So think where you will be more in 10 years time than where you are now.

 

If everyone who is financially stressed today decided not to have children...no babies would be being born at all.

[Anna.]

I think you are definitely well off enough to have a child. We are broke, BROKE, and our daughter has everything she needs pls some and that's what matters. So I can't spoil her rotten? so what. That's not what being a good mother is.

 

But if you don't feel financially stable enough to have a child, don't. You are right, you have plenty of time to have children later, when you feel more secure financially.

[Anna.]

I think you are definitely well off enough to have a child. We are broke, BROKE, and our daughter has everything she needs pls some and that's what matters. So I can't spoil her rotten? so what. That's not what being a good mother is.

 

But if you don't feel financially stable enough to have a child, don't. You are right, you have plenty of time to have children later, when you feel more secure financially.

[Sky-Cherries]

But truth be known, babies really don't cost much.

 

That's true....if it's only one, and born normal.

 

If it's twins, triplets, quads....even octuplets, that's a different story.

How will they afford it then?

What if it's disabled? What if she has twins that all have severe Down's syndrome?

 

She can afford one or perhaps two normal children now.

 

If she waits until they're better off financially, if anything goes wrong, and sometimes it does, they'll be better prepared to deal with it than they are now.

[caro33]

That's true....if it's only one, and born normal.

 

If it's twins, triplets, quads....even octuplets, that's a different story.

How will they afford it then?

What if it's disabled? What if she has twins that all have severe Down's syndrome?

 

That's a great thing to say to a poster called worrywart!

 

I do agree with the point that having some savings behind you is a good idea, and why not plan for all eventualities. But there comes a point where you have to just go on a leap of faith and assume what you have is enough, or, as melrich says, you'll never do it.

[melrich]

If it's twins, triplets, quads....even octuplets, that's a different story.

How will they afford it then?

What if it's disabled? What if she has twins that all have severe Down's syndrome?

 

What if they win the lottery?

[BellaDonna]

I have not experienced any financial strain since becoming a parent. As Melrich mentioned, babies are not all that expensive.

 

I started saving for my son's college fund when I was 8 months pregnant.

 

If you own your own home and have 2 people working- I don't think you will run into any problems. Most people have baby showers and you will get a lot of the basics.

 

The most expensive thing is probably forumla - but if you want to cut that cost out, you can opt to breastfeed.

 

Diapers are expensive, but they are only temporary.

I want to be able to buy my baby whatever she/he wants...It's just depressing....

 

Babies are relatively easy to please and amuse. Most of the gadgets that are out there now are more for the parents.

 

My son is 19 months and has a ton of toys- Do you know what he prefers to play with the most? -Plastic containers and their lids.

 

When he was an infant I would say that the extras that I found most helpful were his swing, "boppy" pillow, and baby monitor.

 

A lot of the stuff that is out there and marketed for babies is optional. (I had to laugh when I saw that they actually make stuff like this link removed )

 

My silly friend actually registered for that - I told her she would never use it. Her son is 8 months old and it's still in the package.

 

Having a baby does not cause a huge financial burden. Some folks get REALLY carried away with baby gear.

[ReadyorNot]

Is that right that your husband makes 6 digits?

My husband and I dont even make $100000 a year combined... not close sadly.. once he gets his raise then it will be closer.... we are doing just fine and we pay rent! We are looking to buy a house which where we live its sooo expensive so that will be tight....

[caro33]

I second Bella's comments about baby costs and the toys etc they like. Baby stuff is expensive, but it's also marketed to parents who want to give little Johnny or Jill everything lacking from their own childhoods. Or just to give them all that pretty, cute stuff. The baby does not care, and it will be years before the child screams because they don't have the right brand of sneakers. Expensive schooling is also a matter of planning for future years.

 

If you do want to buy things, I have found eBay to be good for baby toys and other products. So much is plastic, this stuff washes and you can get used toys for very little. I went nuts on Little People toys and my child doesn't care that much, at least with the second hand stuff I did not pay too much. Things like Lego you can buy in excellent condition from link removed, which sells at a pittance. And then you can re-sell!

 

Places like Target and K-mart (at least here in Australia) sell baby clothes extremely cheaply, you can forgo the expensive department store things. Go and have a look and try the prices on for size, so to speak. Do a budget, do your research and see if your perception matches the reality.

 

We also have a toy library in our neighbourhood, maybe you have something similar?

 

The point is that unless your family is unlucky and there are large, unforeseen costs ahead such as medical costs, the cost of a baby is not great. There is a cost for things like a cot etc initially, but you may be able to snap up a bargain and this is not a recurring cost.

[worrywort]

Thank you everyone for your input, I really appreciate it very much.

 

I guess I forgot to mention that we also have a business that has come to a halt due to this economy...just another thing that has me stressed out. I do not want to come accross as being a brat but we have worked so hard to get where we are today and to see it all come to a stop has been a hard pill to swallow.

 

We do not live a lavish lifestyle, far from it but our money keeps flying out the window. We have 2 dogs that have health problems. The vet bills for them have been unreal. I will not give up on them though....we are also lending money to my BIL. Every month we "lend" him money until his wife can go back to work. I doubt he will pay us back though.

 

I want to be a stay at home mom but I know it is not possible right now. I keep hearing that babies do not cost very much at first but what if things do not look up for us? Who knows when the economy will bounce back. I watch our stocks slowly crawling upwards but I'm not holding my breath.

 

I heard it costs about 15K the first year to have a baby? Is this even correct? I know it's not about material things, I feel that I would make a wonderful mother. I just like having all my ducks in a row before I do anything. They don't call me worrywort for nothing.....I just can't believe I'm having baby fever to this extent...I just can't seem to stop thinking about it.

 

Thank you again for your responses, I do feel a little better about it today.

 

PS - The wee block is hilarious...

PPS - I will pray that if I have a baby, the baby will be healthy and normal. If I octuplets, I will be set for life, no? I can just beg for handouts...jk

[BellaDonna]

I don't think it has cost me nearly 15k yet- and my son is 19 months old.

 

The thing is- I do not have to pay for Daycare- I am blessed to have my family taking care of him while I am at work, and a flexible work schedule that is baby friendly.

 

One of the big issues with working is whether you are working just to pay for Daycare- for some moms it makes more sense just to stay home then. Every family is different.

 

Since you and your husband have your own business, would it be possbile for you to work around the baby's schedule and work some nontraditional hours and share childcare with your husband? You mentioned that the business has come to a hault- do you forsee any improvment ?

[caro33]

I'm not sure what the $15K is supposed to be comprised of - does this include medical bills?

 

We spent a few thousand on the furniture items, and perhaps another one or two total on everything else. He's 17 months now. I can't see that we've paid more than $5K, and that in AUD. So, if you spent more than $5K USD I would be surprised (unless you include medical costs).

 

I may have forgotten stuff though. If you are seriously baby mad and seriously worried about finances, go read some baby books - every one I have read has a list of the things you need. Then go to your local supermarket etc and develop your list of costs. You can get lists on the internet also. It's really the only way you can get piece of mind about costs based on your own access to resources/shops etc and intentions for the baby.

 

EDIT: I didn't see Bella's post about childcare and agree - this is perhaps the greatest cost in the long run. But it could be anywhere in a huge range depending once again on your plans and access to resources.

[lost1607307474]

I think you can afford a child. But it all comes down to how you want to live. If I were you in situation, I would be more than happy to sacrifice finances to have a child. But you might not want to sacrifice financial luxuries to have a baby. It really depends on what you want out of life, and how comfortably you want to live. You sound like you're so much better off in this financial crisis than most, and in my personal opinion you make more than enough to raise a child. Having a baby is a beautiful gift that financial luxuries could never replace.

[Alezia]

I don't know about the medical bills in the states, as they are all covered in Canada.

 

We accepted a lot of hand me downs, over "preferring the new stuff" (like a lot of his cousins) and only bought used clothes for 1-2$ a piece instead of those cute outfits you see at the store etc... We had a baby shower where people gave us the rest of the necessities.

 

We do pay 30$/day for daycare. The formula(before) and the diapers/wipes are also somewhat of a "cost" but not anything I would call a burden. We get the cheaper formula and diapers, and it probably totalled 20$ a week.

 

I was making it on a University student budget without going into debt, so I'm figuring you can probably make it now that you are averaging around 140-150K a year.

[Taylor527]

Just so you know, babies don't cost much. Its all the crap that they SAY you need for them that cost lots. All you need is diapers ( you could use cloth diapers which is ALOT less money then disposable) and wipes (you could make your own wipes with just a little soap and a paper towel roll , look it up there are lots of websites on how to make cheaper wipes) a place for the baby to sleep ( a crib or pack n play which both can be bought second hand.. go on craigslist and you will find lots of stuff) and some clothes - which you can get all second hand as well. Some destin and shampoo (which both last a while) You can breastfeed which is FREE food.

 

It really isn't expensive if you don't make it expensive... but its all about what you want.

 

Plus you have 9 months to save up money!!! Oh and have a baby shower! =)

[SamiJayne]

To have a baby you're going to either have to give up work... which means a baby is already expensive. Or take maternity leave... which in the UK it goes down fast, so makes babies again expensive. Then if you do go back to work... Hello.. childcare isn't free.

Babies need a lot of things, nappies, clothes, bed, bedding, cover when being carried around, wipes, shampoos, talc, and safety equipment. Do you want your baby sticking its fingers in a plug socket? when its just rolling around on the floor, Do you want to turn your back for a second and the babys rolling down the stairs when its older?

It isnt cheap. It's not like getting a DOG. Don't just make do, Do the best for a child.

 

Also studies show, that breastfeeding is the best there is. cheap etc. But its also good to express it, so Dad can help. So he can bond too. Studies show dads bond better feeding the baby as well, rather than missing out.

 

So theres a breast pump right there. You'll need pads too, I've had a baby! and blooming eck did my breasts leak. My baby died, so I wasn't told that my breasts would do this. And using Tissue or kitchen roll isn't good. I had to go to mother care to get something that didnt leak and give me wet patches.

 

Its ok for some people that can rely on parents an family to pay for things. But for people that can't do that, then its going to be expensive. Plus some people may not have people that can afford to buy the expensive things you need I,E Pram, car seat, cot. They may get you cute little booties or bibs.

 

I'd get together with your husband, write down how much you both earn. See where the money goes, and see how much you have left.

Then think about if you'll give up work, or if you'll have to get childcare etc. A baby isnt something fun to do, its serious. If you really can't afford it then you should wait until you can.

[worrywort]

I've been using a few baby cost calculators on the internet...I'm sure they are not accurate but the average cost for the first year has been about 15K.

 

I would like to be a stay at home mom but I don't think that is possible right now. So, yes, I will have to pay for day care...

 

As for our business, we are trying to branch out right now and are working on a new business model so we will see where it goes.

 

I will go check out some books and do some more research on-line. Also, I think I will sit down with my husband and see where we can cut some costs…

 

Thanks again everyone for your input.

[angellight]

Most families do not make 6 figure incomes and do fine...You don't even have a mortgage, how high can your bills really be....get rid of one or two dogs and you can afford one or two children....there, perfect solution

[Hope75]

I've been using a few baby cost calculators on the internet...I'm sure they are not accurate but the average cost for the first year has been about 15K.

 

I would like to be a stay at home mom but I don't think that is possible right now. So, yes, I will have to pay for day care...

 

As for our business, we are trying to branch out right now and are working on a new business model so we will see where it goes.

 

I will go check out some books and do some more research on-line. Also, I think I will sit down with my husband and see where we can cut some costs…

 

Thanks again everyone for your input.

 

Don't forget there are other options for child care. My husband and I are expecting our first baby in July and we will not be getting any help from our parents- both our moms are working full time, and my father is disabled and hubby's father passed away 31 years ago.

 

I am a nurse in a hospital, which is a 24/7/365 job, and currently I work full time. After the birth (and maternity leave) I'll be returning to work 20 hours a week (2 days) and one of those days is a weekend day so hubby can watch the baby, and the other, he will either be working from home (as his company allows him to do that most of the time with proper notice one or two days a week) or, we will ask friends or my sister if they are available that day to watch the baby- since we have a few friends who are stay at home moms, and my sister is expecting her first baby in October, so she will probably be in a similar situation as we are. As a last resort, a neighbor of my mother in law sometimes does day care, and we plan to talk to her and see if she can help out.

 

Daycare is VERY expensive, and not everyone has the option to have parents or family help out, but there are other ways. I just don't see the sense in paying someone else to raise my baby, when if I were to work full time, about 2/3 of my salary would go towards daycare. This way, I can spend more time with my baby, and bring home more money than if I worked full time and paid for daycare.

 

Think about it, if you have friends who have kids they may be able to help you out, or do a shared daycare, etc. Owning your own company may allow you to be more flexible with your hours also, or, if you are doing an office job, maybe even bringing your baby to work in the early months (I recently read an article where some cooperate offices are allowing parents to do this and it reduces sick calls significantly.)

[SamiJayne]

I wanted to type just wait 6 months, and things may have changed for the better. But I was told to wait 3 months after my baby died, and I couldn't see myself even getting it past 3 months with the desperate feelings I had about getting pregnant again.

 

When I did get pregnant with Sophie, we defently weren't in a position to buy a house, never mind pop a baby out. But I was so supriced at with the fact in your face that your going to have a baby in so many months, you really do cut back. And you save like mad.

 

My partner and I saved better during the time I was pregnant than when we weren't.

 

Don't get rid of a pet though. If your dogs are anything like my rabbits, there already your babies.

 

And dont always believe in those calculators.

 

I've just been browsing for cheaper ways to have a baby, and you dont need anything new. Except the car seat.

 

What kind of work is it you both do? not sure if you mentioned it. Is there anyway you can take the child in to work with you? I dont know if you have it in america, but here in England you can get tax credits. and Help towards things. I used to work for a daycare/childrens centre, and we accepted vouchers that were from different companies issued by the government. Because they didnt earn enough, So they got a LOT of money of childcare.

Plus we get give so much money per week to go buy fresh fruit an veg, when we're so many weeks pregnant. For some time afterwards also.

 

Don't give up hope, keep looking in to ways to cut back. Figure out what you really do need to buy, start saving.

[worrywort]

I want to thank everyone again for taking the time to respond.

 

I have been thinking about ways to cut back on a lot unessessary expenses. We some how managed to free up quite of bit of our monthly expenses simply by downgrading a lot of our upgraded services we have been getting. No more buying dog toys everytime I go grocery shopping and cutting back on eating out. Oh, and switching our car insurance to Geico...

 

There is no way I will ever part with my dogs, they are family. I wish I could cut back on vet bills but sadly I cannot.

 

We are also toying with the idea of selling our house and buying a smaller house.

 

As for daycare, I don't have anyone that could help us out. My parents and my husband's parents live in a different city and all of our friends work full time.

 

I'm hoping things will start looking up for us, I am feeling a lot better about things after venting a bit here and getting some wonderful advice.

 

Thank you all.