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feeling like a looser

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Hey all,


Was wondering if there are any other females on the forum who are in their 30s or older who are newly singled...I feel like I will be single for the rest of my life and need someone who can relate and can tell me (rather, convince me) that I will be alright.



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Hi Ashley,


Im 31 -32 in Oct.


My ex and I split up last March...yuppers one year ago. I know how you feel. Almost everyone is my social circle is coupled up. Makes for some lonley nights.


When did you break up?


I actually posted something like this a few months ago. It gets easier.....sometimes.


im here for ya!

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I am not 30, but close. I am recently broken up out of a long term relationship, while all my friends but one are in serious long term relationships or married. It is hard because I want the things they have and I don't see myself getting them anytime soon either, even though the clock is ticking.


I don't know you so I can't convince you that you will meet someone and find love again. Some people don't and I actually think it's more hurtful when people try to tell me that I will, that of course there is someone out there for me. So I can't make promises.


Instead, I offer what I tell myself to make myself feel better:


I know plenty of middle aged women who have not managed to find someone else.


However, my mom's friend got married for the first time at age 50 and she is very happy.


My aunt is on her third husband (I actually like this one; he's a keeper) and she met him in her mid-fifties. Other two husbands were an alcoholic and a cheater, respectively. So it's a good thing that she left those and finally got to experience the real thing. It's quite possible that she just wouldn't have been ready until her mid fifties to find #3, the right guy. She is very happy too now I think.


My godparents are the most in-sync couple I have ever met, and they just get each other on this really deep level, finish each other sentences, etc. They married when my godmother was around 38 and my godfather 49. Neither had been married before. Currently in their 70s and 80s, they were unable to (or chose not to) have kids, but they were and are a huge influence on my life growing up. I know they see my sister and me as their kids and that we both feel a responsibility to take care of them as they get older.


I can tell lots of other stories along these lines.


It's all about the stories you tell yourself. Maybe we will meet someone who is a mate for life, and maybe we won't. Tell yourself the good stories until you meet someone you really care about again.


Whether you meet someone in the next 10 years or not, as long as you keep the hope, you will be okay. There may be a biological clock, but there's no clock on love. (The book and movie called Shadowlands, about CS Lewis and his wife, is a great example of this.) You can meet the right person no matter how old you are.


And you can have kids without meeting someone else; there's AI and a lot of kids who need love and adoption in this world. I've promised myself that if I ever get to a stage where I definitely want kids and there's no life partner on the horizon, well, I'll have kids anyways. It helps to know that one of my big life goals is still reachable even without a partner.

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I'm 38 and on the verge of departing a nearly 5 year relationship. I figure another 5 years or so and all the divorces will start kicking in, plenty of single people around my age then. Although all the men probably have kids (not acceptable to me)

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I'm 32, will be 33 this year. My relationship ended last August. I have a mixed bag of friends, some are married, some are single some are in serious relationships. Some are happy, some are not. The point is I have a large group of friends in our age group and they are at all different situations and stages. There is no set way you should or need to be at any age. Leftover society norms from the past still tell us there is something wrong with being single in your 30s! I really never got that.


I think what you should focus on is being alright with yourself. Either alone or with someone else, the person you need to make peace with is you. Since you are single right now, try not worry so much about what WILL happen and instead focus all your energy on what IS happening right now. Either way, you will be alright alone and if someone comes along, you can share that happiness, rather than waiting around for someone to come and make you alright!

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Hey all,


Was wondering if there are any other females on the forum who are in their 30s or older who are newly singled...I feel like I will be single for the rest of my life and need someone who can relate and can tell me (rather, convince me) that I will be alright.






How does being single make you a loser? I would think an unwillingness to be single makes a person more of a loser, especially if that person is wrong for them. You are still young and even if you weren't, there are always good men available out there. Don't hate on yourself so much.

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thanks for writing, I know its illogical and I have been alone in the past for a long time and I am alright with being alone. I do however, want to eventually find the right person, and I think its normal to feel this want.


I am getting closer to getting life back to normal but I guess there is fear that I wont find someone who is right for me or atleast as right as the last person I dated.


Being alone is not being a looser, I just feel like one for feeling I will never find someone...I know, then stop feeling that way...but ahh, I cant seem to convince my self otherwise.


As for the question of how long ago my relationship ended, it was about two months ago...weird that I feel this way now since marriage was a big deal for him but was never a big deal for me...that is until recently.


By the way, is there an extra "o" in my looser? and does that make me a "double loser"? LOL!!

Thanks again.

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I so know how you feel! I've just turned 31 and just been dumped a month ago by a guy I was absolutely crazy about.


I try very hard not to let the pressure from society and family/friends get to me but it still does. All of my friends are coupled up and happy - I am so happy for them but sometimes seeing the happy closeness that they all share makes me feel even more lonely and gives me that ache of longing in my chest.


Also when I started seeing my then-boyfriend six months ago I was so happy and excited because he was so great and my Mum told all of my relatives. I'm dreading the next family function where they all ask where it's at and I have to tell them that I've been dumped.


I keep reading all of the info on this site and in books which says that you won't find the right person for you until you are happy with yourself - so I am trying really hard to focus on that at the moment (in between bouts of sobbing and missing my ex of course...).


Anyway Ashley I hope you're going okay - I just wanted you to know that the fears you mentioned are shared by myself also in my dark moments.


But I am trying to remember that always, when you least expect it, life surprises you with good things...so hopefully that will happen for us both.

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Ugh, it does suck doesnt it? ...what a drag. I try to stay positive and focus on other aspects of my life but once in a while it creeps up on me and I feel fearful. It helps to hear that others are going through it too and to borrow from their strength so I appreciate it. Thanks.

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As I guy, I thought I would chime in here. In my early 30s and single for about 9mos after a rough break-up. Literally, all my friends are married or at least serious. Some of my younger siblings are hitched with kids. As a guy, it sucks just the same. I feel awfully alone. Is there such a thing as the ninth wheel? Well, I'm it in my circle of friends!


But, I liked a previous poster's comment about being happy with yourself first, so I'm really trying to stay positive by thinking that once I get more comfortable with myself and my own happiness, things could get better and I could find an amazing person.

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im 38 and a guy... my ex walked out back in November after 6 years, 2 living together... im finding it tough as i didnt see it coming and i thought we would get married in the next year or so and start a family..


having to start over again now at my age is very daunting but i guess you just have to keep positive, concentrate on yourself and career and just put yourself in the hands of fate. I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.. sometimes to give you a nudge in the right direction or set you on a separate path..


for me, i got offered a job in a different country, have just sold the house and am just thinking that the last 6 years were a part of my life that i will always cherish but that chapter has now closed a new and exciting one is just about to begin...

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hey I am 37. I look very young for my age so keep meeting younger guys, at first they are fascinated because you arethe older woman and then they freak out because you want something more serious.


I just can't win.


All my friends are pretty much hooked up or married. I'm happy for them yet I do wonder if I will ever meet the one.


So many times i thought i have only to be hurt.


My sister is 47 this year and she has never had a boyfriend.


So i guess its best to experience love then never have experienced it at all

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