Jump to content

I messed up and need advise


banbear

Recommended Posts

Well, i have been divorced for just about 2 years and after my divorce i got involved with someone from work (she works at another location in another state). I dated this girl off and on for about 1 year.

 

Back in July i finally ended it because i knew that she wasn't right for me. Now, this was a little more complicated because i helped her with work on certain issues....mostly via email. During the break-up her true colors came out and became absolutely out of control. Threats against me, my children....family. Nasty lies and emails to my family members. etc etc. I eventually told her that i wanted no more contact with her and that if these threats continued i would press harassment charges. Finally she offered a truce and wanted to contact via work related issues only since she needed my help. Stupidly, i agreed.

 

Whenever she would try to start a 'personal' conversation, i would either ignore it, or tell her that i will only respond to work related emails and issues. I guess her truce wasn't really what she wanted and she continued to get mad that i was ignoring her and treating her like that.

 

Now, i have just begun dating a woman who is absolutely amazing. She is really everything that i have been looking for. We started dating back in November.

 

Here is my downfall....when my new g/f asked me if i still had contact with my ex, i told her that it was work related issues only (which is sorta true) but i know that my ex tried to send personal emails to which i ignored. But i never told my new g/f that. I guess i was just trying to bury the situation and not cause a drama in my new relationship having her think that she had to deal with this.

 

Well, my psycho ex sent me an email threatening me and telling me that ignoring her was pi$$ing her off and she was going to do something to hurt me. My new g/f found this email and was all upset because i didn't tell her about it and i also didn't tell her that she was contacting me with this type of stuff. I know that i should have...i was scared to lose her.

 

I guess now, i need to know how to gain her trust back. I have sent out an email to my supervisors stating that i need to stop all contact with this person and even contacted my IT dept to block her emails from mine. But i need to restore my new g/f trust in me knowing that i won't keep anything from her. I really want her to trust me 100% but i just don't know if this will always be in the back of her mind.

 

what can i do ?? please help

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I woudl tell her exactly what you said here. The only way to earn back trust is to be honest. If you aren't honest, only partially share truths, then that tends to backfire.

 

NJRon hit the nail on the head.

It's a pretty good motto to keep between partners, anyway.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i have told her everything now, but unfortunately she just feels like i have lied to her the past 3 months, which i really can't blame her.

 

I don't know how to fix this. I have stopped all work contact with her. blocked her email address and blocked her phone number from my phone. I have even contacted my HR dept to advise them that i can no longer have contact with this woman.

 

How do i heal the pain that i caused her ?? How do i gain her trust back?

 

I don't want to lose this woman.

 

thanks for your help

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's a rocky road. You have confessed and she is, rightly, feeling a bit betrayed. You just need to make sur ethat you stay open and honest with her. If the woman ends up contacting you again, don't hide it. Letr your girl know what you have done to try and get this woman to stop speaking with you.

 

I am sure it is more about the breach of trust than the woman. Trust takes a while to heal. Give it a bit of time... you can later approach her and ask her what you can do to help the situation out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just keep the lines of communication as open as possible.

Talk to her freely and openly about your life.

Show interest in her life by asking, and listening to her, when she speaks about hers.

 

Take an active interest in doing everything you can to show her that you care.

Spend time with her.

If she needs your help with anything, be there.

 

In short, be a good boyfriend, and be understanding if takes a little while to re-gain her trust.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i am wondering if i should give her full access to my email and all messages to reassure her that there is no communication with this woman at all.

 

I'm not sure if that is a good idea or a bad. I don't want it to consume her and make it all she is thinking about.

 

thoughts ?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Eh. If she asks for it, you can let her look, and I don't suppose it could hurt.

And I guess you could offer to show her, if you think it might help...

But really, I don't think that will solve anything, because if you really were hiding something, you'd just have another email account, right?

 

I think time is the main thing here. Just giving it time and being consistent.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i would avoid the email thing... just because it could cause more harm than good. having access to someone's email account doesn't help someone to believe you aren't lying... it only opens the door to more suspiscion. As Odile said, i would only offer if she asks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...