He just... doesn't get it.

[scared and alone]

I'm kind of a lot younger than him, not that it matters, but no one else would put up with this. he thinks all he has to do is say some lame things and i will just automatically want to, do stuff with him. I love him, but, he has no game. Whatever he thinks should work, anyone would walk away from rolling their eyes, but i've been with him for 3 1/2 years. Its driving me nuts. And he wont listen. He thinks I am the problem because I dont fall for this lame stuff. I'm not being a * * * * * , it is seriously, on the level of, he needs to, rethink his approach, but like I said, he doesn't get that and won't listen otherwise. He thinks I make no effort, which I DO. I just kinda feel at a loss. It's like hes stuck in the 80s, where he was a teen (and I was in diapers) and he thinks that it will actually work. He thinks I am the problem here, and i'm honestly not. What he says and does, anybody would think is cheesy and lame. How can I get him to see that, but not in a harsh, defensive, mean way (cuz he takes EVERYTHING in that way). This is the majority of the reason we fight and again, he doesn't see that. He sees it as I am being difficult, but its all in HIS approach. Let me give you an example, he does stuff like "singing" about seeing my "O" face and I am supposed to... what? fine that appealing and wanna jump in the sack? or him gyrating in the air? ](*,) He says he sees me as this young girl that thinks is not interest in him, yet doesn't do anything to REALLY try to get me and if I DON'T fall for it, he acts like a big baby about it. He just doesn't act like a normal human being when we're alone.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Then why are you still with him?

[scared and alone]

I love him, I just wish, he would get it.

[scared and alone]

Look, i'm just looking for advice, please don't criticize me. This is serious. I just want to know if there is any way I can get him to see it from my point of view.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

My intention is not to criticize you. I tried to look through your other posts but it is not clear to me what the problem really is in your relationship. What lame things does he do? Does he treat you badly? What is the age difference? How old are each of you? You can't make someone change their ways...they have to want to change. If he isn't treating you right and he is not interesting in changing that then you do have the choice to end the relationship.

[DN]

I love him, but, he has no game

What does this actually mean?

[Drac07]

Sounds like the generational gap strikes again. A little perspective: maybe he DOES have game, but it's just cheesy and out of date. And maybe this is just semantics, but I thought you only needed "game" when you're single.

 

Anyway, yes, he should make you feel wanted - but that's exactly what he's trying to do! The fact that he's not succeeding, well... That's the issue, I guess. If you don't find his efforts even the least bit endearing and he's not willing to change it up a little, you two may simply be incompatible in this regard. But really, sounds a bit like childish stubbornness on both ends to me.

 

And for the record, I find that problems in relationships are seldom, if ever, -completely- the fault of one person.

 

Draco

[Dragunov-21]

"Game" is certainly not something that becomes needless in a relationship, it just changes. Cheeky cleverness isn't gonna go far, but ou do need to replace it with something that isn't cringeworthy, and... Ok, just thinking about someone mentioning seeing their O-face, and expecting it to be anything other than embarrassing makes me cringe.

 

Just because you have a secure relationship doesn't mean you should stop trying just because you no longer have to convince your partner to give you a chance. Keep the romance alive, you know?

 

I've been in a (sorta) similar situation with an ex who thought that pinching, hair pulling and giving wet-willies were endearing traits, and... they weren't. Like, teeth-grindingly frustrating.

 

Now I wasn't in love with her (this showed itself a few weeks in), so it was easier for me, but it just took everything good out of the relationship and left me with a whole lot of annoyed in its place, and... That was the end of it.

 

I'm not sure how you can get the message accross, but even if you're in love with him, something like that will eventually get unlivable.

 

You may just have to try the direct approach, and if he gets angsty bout it, so be it. Next time he does it, just tell him flat out that things like that are a major turn-off for you. It might be helpful if you could have some other examples ready, but moreso some helpful suggestions - the *kind* of things that endear themselves to you.

 

You don't have to humiliate him, but make sure he realises that you find it embarrassing, and it just doesn't put you in the mood for anything good.

 

Just out of interest, and to add a little cupid's advocacy to the thread, tell us what you love about him.

[Drac07]

Haha, well, like I said - semantics. Guess I'm not hip to the jive.

 

Like I said, of course you have to feel pursued.

[ghost69]

if you are unhappy move on. you can find love again.

[metrogirl]

It's been 3 1/2 years and he's still clueless, then I wouldn't anticipate him to 'get' it any time soon.

[Dragunov-21]

Well if it's worth trying, do it, otherwise you may have to move on. I'm sorry...

[angellight]

Wait a minute...The guy, like you said is CLUELESS (so are most of us, by the way). Did you ever try actually TELLING him what you want??? HE CANNOT READ YOUR MIND....What DO you WANT??? Flowers, romantic dinners, poems, romantic cards, more foreplay, oral sex, cuddling after sex, sexy movies to get you in the mood????....It's really like a guessing game here...What turns one man or woman on does not necessarily turn on another...there is a word needed here... comMUNICATION...