I'm so scared...

[Sadman84]

In july it will be 2 years that ive been single. I'm 24, and I'm quickly realizing that it is so hard for me personally to find someone i can connect with like I did my ex *we dated 4.5 years*.

 

I dont sleep well at all lately, I think i am borderline depressed. I think a lot about going to a doctor for sleeping pills so i can sleep like normal people and a new idea is anti depressants.

 

In june I am going to a wedding that I think I will see my ex at. She will be with her boyfriend who she had no problem meeting and falling in love with. I think it scares the crap out of me to find out how I will react when seeing them.

 

I meet girls, but I blow it, i come on too strong or they just lose i interest in me. Most of the time I just get put into the friend zone too, which is so annoying.

 

The thing I'm most scared of is that when I meet a girl who is actually interested in me enough to date me long term, I will always feel like she does not add up to my ex. Somewhere along the road I got it set in my mind that my ex was some sort of goddess or something, because in my brain she is an angel.

 

UGH! * * * do i do?

 

I hate to be so negative, but I had to vent somewhere! Its 4 am and I cannot fall asleep.

 

I wanna write down some lyrics that I heard in a song by lil wayne, which I think no one knows how deep he can get, i think someone somewhere really screwed with his head, cause he sure can hit the nail on the head for how i feel.

 

I hate that I love you

 

Shorty you're down

shorty you're crying

cause she be killing 'em

every time

 

Shorty shop online

she stay at the salon

but how she stay in my head

how she stay on my mind

 

Shorty so so fine

and Im not fine

no i'm not found

this must be hell

'cause shorty was my angel

and i lost my angel

I should be strangled

 

WHAT AM I DOING

WHERE AM I GOING

WHAT DIDN'T I DO

WHAT WASN'T I SHOWING

WHAT WASN'T I KNOWING

AND YOU NOT KNOWING

BECAUSE OF YOU AND HIM

ME AND HER NOT GROWING

SH*T IS NOT GOING THE WAY

THAT IT IS SUPPOSED TO

SHE TELLS ME EVERY NIGHT

SHE WISH SHE WOULD HAVE

CAME BEFORE YOU

I TELL HER EVERY NIGHT

I WISH SHE WOULD HAVE

CAME BEFORE YOU

BUT WE LIVE IN A WORLD

WHERE WISHES DON'T

COME TRUE

 

Damn I love you

so much that I hate you

I hate that I love

I wish that I could hate you.

-------------------------------------

[emj27]

Aww, my heart goes out for you. I can imagine exactly how you feel because although it's only 2 weeks since my ex dumped me, I can't picture ever finding anyone else who measures up to him - or even wanting to. I'm terrified of being in exactly the same position as you in two years' time (will be the same age, too!) and then in the same position in 10 years' time and in 20 and in 30 etc. I truly believe that my ...'ex' - feels actually gut-wrenching to call him that, he was my everything for four years - was the person I'm meant to be with and I can't imagine ever finding anyone else.

 

I think someone special will come into your life just when you least expect it - probably when you're not looking for it anymore. You seem like a really nice guy and if you don't mind me saying, you're very good looking - I doubt you will be single for long. It must be so hard to stop measuring everyone against your ex. I suppose you've done the usual things of making lists of everything that wasn't so great about her, everything she did that hurt you, etc?

 

I think maybe you need to keep referring to that list and try to hammer it into your head that she WASN'T perfect. She can't have been perfect, or she wouldn't have ended it with you. And just be open to other people - don't look at every girl thinking "could this be the one? how does she compare to the ex?" just look at each girl thinking "could this be a nice person for me to have a nice time with for a while?" (I don't mean using her for sex of course - other nice times lol!) and eventually you will find the one girl that you hit it off with so much that something casual and short-term develops into something more serious, a friendship develops into a love, and then your ex won't seem so amazing.

 

You need to knock her down from that pedastal you've put her on! Come on, think of three proper things that weren't so great about her. And not things she did at the end when you were having problems, but things that weren't great during the relationship. And go from there...

 

Good luck. I really hope you stop hurting soon.

[Drac07]

Well-said, fairycakes.

 

If you don't mind, some perspective from the other side: I went through exactly the same thing you describe here. Put my ex on a pedestal for five years and bemoaned the fact that I would never meet someone who was as good as she was. Long story short: I did and it's the best thing that has ever happened to me. Ever. The dating game is horrible and as long as you play - because for most people, it is indeed a game - the worse it gets. Every new person who doesn't work out seems to put a new nail in the coffin of your romantic future.

 

Keep putting yourself out there, but help yourself by looking in places you are likely to find the right girl. It takes courage and every failure hurts worse than the last, but finally it will all fall away into silliness when you meet the right one.

 

You can move on, I promise. And someday you will meet the one who will realize that you come on strong for a reason, or who is just as fed up with the game as you.

 

I hope this helps. All the best.

 

Draco

[Sadman84]

Thanks to both of you, very useful information. I was talking with a friend last night, and I realized I have to just have a different perspective on my situation.

 

I'm single, i'm not tied down, there is no rush to meet a girl, so when i meet a girl, i don't have to see her as my possible future wife. Instead I need to play it cool, and play the game, which i hate the dating game.