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The Difference


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Hi everyone,


I'm new to the forums - new to forums in general, actually - and I just wanted to thank people here for sharing their problems. Your outreach for help, the simple act of putting your story out there, has helped me tremendously.


You see, I've been dating a girl for going on a year now and it's amazing. SHE'S amazing. But I'm a jealous boyfriend (that's actually what I googled to find these threads), or rather, I have been in the past. My last relationship was over five years ago. I was upfront with her about it, told her it had been a problem, but swore I was worlds better.


My job takes me away from home for six-ish months out of the year. My girlfriend is very social, open and friendly, and frequently has trouble with guys hitting on her while she's out swing dancing. But she is immediately honest with them when she sees it coming and tells them she has a boyfriend. Generally, they back off. One guy a few months ago did -not-, and this was someone she had known for some time. The guy wasn't drunk or anything, just belligerent, and told her he didn't care if she had a boyfriend, that he liked her, etc. I was FURIOUS and nearly drove the three-and-half-hours to knock some sense into him and make sure she was going to be alright. She dissuaded me. Ever since, I have been leery of all her guy acquaintances, but have told her repeatedly that I will never tell her who she can and cannot talk to, dance with, whatever. Unless I feel there's a threat to her safety.


Now I'm at work, and I sometimes get sick with worry that the next guy will be not only stubborn, but maybe drunk. Or maybe a habitual rapist. You can see the spiral begin. She hates that it upsets me and offers - mostly kindly - to stop talking to guys, or to try being less friendly. I tell her not to, it's my problem and I'll deal with it. I love her and don't want her to be miserable, or feel like she has to sacrifice something she loves (dancing) because I'm jealous. Well, "jealous" is the word we used. And this is where YOU (finally) come in! Because after reading about accounts of jealousy on here, I think I may be simply over-protective, afraid for her safety when I can't be there. Or is there, functionally, a difference? I know I can't hover around her, ready to break every guy's arm, but... Well, I know guys. No small number of them specifically go swing dancing simply because it's a more "innocent" scene, if you will. Girls generally feel safer there, since it's not an overly sexual style of dancing like club or salsa.


Do I draw a line? Do I focus on work and hope, in the back of my mind, for the best? Count on some general rules or ideas of decency to protect her?


Thanks in advance, and sorry for the length, haha.



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Hey Draco,


I would give the benefit of doubt to your girl. She hasn't done anything that would warrant a flag or a false sense of security. She seems like an amazing girl for you, and she's repeatedly told the guys that flirt with her that she's with you. That's a very good sign of commitment right there.


I wouldn't worry too much about her at all. Seems like you got a keeper there.


Best wishes.

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