Can you relate? 'tis six months and feeling more sane...actively promoting my healing.

[canali]

would love to hear from others who are also moving ahead and share their tips on healing.

 

heck maybe now i've jixed myself but acceptance and moving on is finally occurring...i still have on occasion deep feelings of sadness and loss but my tears now only last a short while...i don't hold them back but instead let them flow (using my lessons in a class I took on mindfulness) and then I try to remember to use cbt and self talk to help coordinate my thoughts more realistically (of course it's easier once you're at a latter stage than in the throes of hurt in the beginning of a breakup)... seeing a therapist again, trying to take better care of myself.......and just bought a very useful book that someone here suggested by susan anderson entitled, 'the journey from abandonment to healing' and 'dare to forgive' to deal with my anger, too.

 

...have decided to remain single for the next little while to continue growing my self confidence and really creating a strong emotional and spiritual core to handle stresses better and not get so 'wiped out'...there is nothing wrong with being single IMO either...heck it doesn't mean it's forever but i'm trying to make the most of it right now (but sure could use a FWB for when the horny spells take over)....being able to save more of my $$$ and paying off some debts while also seeing my saving acct grow is a huge bonus, too (you know how it is when you're a couple: spend spend spend on dinners, outings, trips etc)

 

it still doesn't mean I don't get lonely or such...but I can see things more clearly now ie my ex is not god or the ultimate validator of my worth; in stead we're both human struggling to find happiness and the best fit for attaining such, so the blame game goes out the friggin' window man)...and know i need more people/friends in my life to be fuller more varied/diversified....i really do wish my ex the best...a part of me feels we will be there for each other some time in the future...who knows...maybe i'm kidding myself in a pseudo cocky mood and tomorrow I'll be gnashing my teeth again...i hope not.

 

Discovering Buddhism and its psychology (along with meditation/yoga) have been blessings to me (buddhism is great for really paying attention to your thinking processes and sorting out the bull * * * * that keeps you caught in clinging traps) Yet I still prefer to believe in some overall 'higher power' or architect, too, so praying for guidance (also in my mediations) have been really helpful....yesterday was 5 months of no drinking (we drank alot of wine together)..don't really miss the booze either..

[90_hour_sleep]

really positive post canali. glad to hear you're moving forward with your life.

relationships are no reason to stop living.

 

definite validation of the fact that time is essential for coming to grips with things...assuming you're spending your time productively.

 

it's only been a couple of months for me...but i'm starting to see the benefits of having ''my own'' life again. it's definitely been a process...and like you...there are plenty of ups and downs...but it's all relative.

 

i also like the idea of buddhism...really reflects the idea of 'self' which is all too important during these times.

 

again...nice post...wish you the best.

[peanut]

Time is absolutely the best healer. I came out of a nine year relationship nearly six months ago (he broke it) and I am slowly feeling that love slip through my fingers. It's like letting go of a balloon. Strangely, I feel good. For months I waited for him to come back to me, to beg for forgiveness and allow us to be together again and now....now I'm not sure I even want that.

 

There is a great strength to be gained from taking so much time to yourself, to heal and discover who YOU are again and when you start doing that you slowly realise that perhaps, they were not the one for you. When you really, really think about it why would you want to be with someone who has already broken your heart? It's like sticking your hand in a fire, getting burned and then doing it again. We should learn from our pain and know that there are men/women out there who wouldn't dream of hurting us that much.

 

Yes, letting go is beginning to feel beautiful x

[canali]

Good to hear that you are both healing! You know while I feel that with time does come healing I have also learned as the 2nd poster mentioned how critical it is to use your time preductivly or you will just be calloused emotionally and repeat things in the future....this relationship was so harsh on my heart man but also so necessary for me to grow too....am still healing and looking inside... still reflecting learning and growing.

 

trying to make new friends which is what i really need for social support/tlc without the pressures (have applied to become a big brother, too, so hope the volunteering will help out).

 

and you know despite all the psychological stuff happening, pulling away is a very real biochemical process too taking place in our bodies (our minds do flood our bodies with chemicals when we're bonding with someone)..so it is a natural to have time heal things (physically speaking here).

[sypaman]

great post ... i too am feeling the healing and i think it's important to let people on this site know that ... when i read some newly dumped persons post i remember what it was like , the feeling of a nervous breakdown, which is really what it is ... and they need to know that they too will be ok in time .. i can't tell you how much posts like this helped me in my process..... thanks

[pushforward]

I'm 8 months in and 5 months NC. It's great that you're focused on self improvement, it will pay off. Also removing yourself from the dating equation is a good move. Sometimes you need to spend time alone to figure out what you want and what you deserve. You shouldn't be giving being friends a thought as of yet because you're not completely over her. When water is under the bridge, maybe then.

 

I've read that book, some useful things in there, but ultimately, nothing can instantly heal you. It's a combination of time, soul searching and self improvement that does the trick.

 

Back to my story... I've forgiven my ex for everything, don't really need anything from her. The pain and sadness is something with me, something I need to deal with and work through. I'm not emotionally unstable as I used to be and my self esteem is going up through self improvement. My self confidence and quality of life is getting better. I've been reading up on lots of social dynamics and self improvement. The things I have learned, I have applied. I can see some changes within myself and what more work needs to be done, because I'm worth it.

[90_hour_sleep]

lol...just makes me think of those stupid makeup commercials.