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Traits needed in leaderships


Kinetics

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I've gotten to the point where I am frustrated of organizing things with friends. The problem is, among the two dozen people in our group, no one bothers to plan things so we go out and basically no one bothered to decide where we're heading, where to eat. I'm the type of person who just don't stand around and complain about things. If no one is going to do it, I end up leading the group and set some plans out, like where to eat and all that.

 

Yes, it's not my role, no one asked me to do it, but it's because no one is stepping up to the plate, I'm doing it. Now I don't mind the planning part because I'm efficient and I can organize things, the part that I hate is when people get impatient and start complaining about it. Here I am making phone calls with restaurants to see if they got seats available, figuring out where the place is, I'm doing all the hard work, and everyone else is just there complaining..."when are we getting there", "I'm hungry", "I think I'm gonna leave cuz this isn't going anywhere", blah blah blah.

 

How do I cope with their behaviors? How do leaders/managers cope in dealing with their members/subordinates complaints and dissatisfaction? I think it would be totally different if I was assigned the leader or I had a managerial position at a company or something. But in this case, it's not. I technically volunteered to do this. So should I just take it up in the ass because it was my own fault for getting into it the first place?

 

I've had it up to here with the most recent event and thinking of just not showing up any more.

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I would tell everyone that each person will be responsible for planning an event. Put them in order of who is in charge each time & that they need to figure out ahead of time where they want to go, what they want to do & make all the logistical arrangements. People tend to appreciate things more when they have had to do it themselves & see that it is harder than it looks.

 

If you don't think that is plausible, I would make an announcement that if they are not happy with the way things are going, then they will be in charge of planning from now on. You are the one putting in the effort that everyone else is benefiting from, and if they aren't satisfied than they can either do it themselves or leave. They might not like you as much if you do it this way, though.

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I hear ya. I've been trying to get a few old frieends together and you'd think that getting 4 or 5 grown people together would be simple but no.

 

No one can pick the time or place and in the end, they cancell or just don't show.

I've stopped making plans even though I miss some of the people...

 

Sad but you can't be the only one doing all the work.

 

Next time someone complains, tell them "you could have spoken up" or "next time you pick and plan"

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I would tell everyone that each person will be responsible for planning an event. Put them in order of who is in charge each time & that they need to figure out ahead of time where they want to go, what they want to do & make all the logistical arrangements. People tend to appreciate things more when they have had to do it themselves & see that it is harder than it looks.

 

Ah but see, I am still taking the role of the leader. Now I'd be relegating some of the tasks to my friends, and some might think I'm bossing around people. That's something I'd like to avoid.

 

If you don't think that is plausible, I would make an announcement that if they are not happy with the way things are going, then they will be in charge of planning from now on. You are the one putting in the effort that everyone else is benefiting from, and if they aren't satisfied than they can either do it themselves or leave. They might not like you as much if you do it this way, though.

 

Exactly, they'll think I'm an ass. Hence I am in this conundrum. Everyone else is definitely benefiting from this, because I'm so busy organizing things while everyone else is having their fun. After all the hard work, don't I deserve something? I mean, a very few friends do thank me for making things work at the end of the night, but most people don't even appreciate it. It's tough man.

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Exactly, they'll think I'm an ass. Hence I am in this conundrum. Everyone else is definitely benefiting from this, because I'm so busy organizing things while everyone else is having their fun. After all the hard work, don't I deserve something? I mean, a very few friends do thank me for making things work at the end of the night, but most people don't even appreciate it. It's tough man.

 

It is tough...I think of myself as a natural leader and have had quite a few positions where I have been in charge. It is a thankless task but the biggest trait of all that you need is the ability to be able to work knowing you won't always get the personal reward you like, but you will do it anyway. It's about being selfless.

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What if you just stopped taking the lead completely for a while? Let them flounder around until a few more people learn to make plans?

 

Actually...I did that. Guess what? No one learned and still unorganized as ever. Maybe they'll never learn

 

This had been going on and off, so I stopped showing up for a while. I recently went again and this happened again, which shows to you that nothing really has changed.

 

They're fun friends and all, but their total lack of coordination really puts a huge dent in hanging out with them. I shouldn't have to take the burden and feel unhappy for the benefit of others. I'm not Jesus Christ.

 

But I just thought...what if I gained some of those leadership qualities they talk about in leadership seminars and the like? That may help me cope with all the * * * * flying towards me.

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Hmm... I would start hanging out with a smaller group. Much easier to plan for 6 than for 24! Just hang out with a different 6 each time so you still get to see all your friends. Not like you get to spend a lot of one on one time with everyone each time you go out with them all anyway! And when you do plan things all together, make it something easy, like a baseball game. Name the time & place & everyone is responsible for buying their own tickets.

 

Honestly, I can see why no one else takes the lead. It is a big group and no one else feels personally responsible to plan for everyone. Two dozen is a lot of people.

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I gave up on that quite a time ago!

 

Plan things that you want to do, and invite - and if they want to come and show up, great. If not, cool beans too. You'll find out who is just along for a ride. Soon you'll see who bothers with phoning back, showing up, or letting you know whether they will be coming or not. Who likes what, who is reliable, who shares what interest with ya. You can branch off from big groups too to smaller groups for specific activities: some friends might like sports, others bars, blah blah blah.

 

It's a process of weeding out people who aren't really worth the time anyways (IMHO!). Friendship is a two way road - taking part in each other's lives, making time for each other and what is important to each other, having fun and being able to talk to each other.

 

What is the point if the 'friend' makes no effort? It's too much work for nothing to me. To me a friendship is an equal partnership - not one "managing" the other(s) (in fact, it would be insulting to me if any friend of mine thought they were managing me! or vice verse!).

 

Another thing is making plans before getting together. This way - once you feel you've done what you want to contribute as far as planning of events and organizing (or your special events), those other days are left for others to either plan something to invite you to or you can use your time some other way. No more wasting time humming and hawing with people whining "what are we gonna doooo".

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I'm fine with smaller groups, it's only in situations involving two dozen people, usually like going to a concert or something.

 

I tried another way of resolving that...branch off from the larger group after the concert and just take a smaller group with me afterwards, like dinner or coffee or whatever. But what then happens is, everyone starts following us!!! "Where you guys going? Oh that sounds cool, we'll join you guys." and then it ends up becoming a large crowd. God I hate the sheeple mentality some people have.

 

This probably should have been in the Friends and Friendship section, but I wanted to figure out hope to cope with this kind of problem by gaining I dunno...stronger personality traits like how leaders or managers cope with in dealing with their subordinates. I'm obviously not a natural born leader (some are), but I could probably always learn a thing or two from them...

 

It is tough...I think of myself as a natural leader and have had quite a few positions where I have been in charge. It is a thankless task but the biggest trait of all that you need is the ability to be able to work knowing you won't always get the personal reward you like, but you will do it anyway. It's about being selfless.

 

Again, I think it's different if it's a job. As a team leader/manager, I'd guess you get paid a bit more than the rest of the team. Even if say, people would not appreciate your hard work, you still have the monetary rewards for it and that is at least satisfying for me. I wouldn't demand like an award or merits for doing your job as leader, but a good pay is at least something to show for my hard work.

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What Makes Great Leadership
What Makes Great Leadership

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