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Do men ever change their minds about marriage?


MJ23

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I have a pretty simple question. My bf has commitment issues, stemming from his parents' marriage. He has said in the past that getting married is like losing a piece of yourself. ???? That's not how I see it at all! Of course, I didn't come from the messy relationship household he did.

 

We've been dating for 2 yrs. and everything is pretty good. He says he's "not sure if he ever wants to get married". I have no interest in marriage at the moment, but I am 10000% sure I would be unhappy if I never married in my life.

 

We had a conversation once, and I said I was 100% sure I wanted to be married someday (far, far in the future), and he commented "maybe it'll be with someone else". Ok, so I know the writing is on the wall, but I guess my question is, do you think his opinion will ever change as he ages and gets more mature/older/responsible? (he is early 20s now).

 

Not to say for sure we will marry, but I feel as if we are wasting our time otherwise if for sure i want to and for sure he doesn't. He's always so vague "maybe" "not sure" "possibly" he never comes out and SAYS it. The other day he said "maybe someday we'll live together" as if that was really romantic. I can see where his ideas are headed...we'd be that couple that is together 30 yrs. as the woman still waits for a proposal.

 

I guess none of this matters now, as I don't wish to be married for awhile, but I guess am I wasting my time? Do men, especially as they age, ever change their mind? Any advice?

 

P.S. try not to convince me marriage is "just a piece of paper anyway"...I don't feel that way about it.

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Well..... I just broke up with my boyfriend for this reason, because i didn't see him wanting marriage or children in the future. Are you wasting your time? I can't tell you that, because its so complicated, and Yes, people can change over time, but then there are men that never change their mind about it. For instance, when my aunt was in her early 20's she started dating my 'uncle' who had no belief on getting married or having children, and now she is 40 and still with him, but no marriage, no kids, and she is quite depressed.

 

So its completely your call. Do you want to wait to find out 10 years down the road he still feels the same? Or do you want to go out there and find a guy who feels the same way you do. Trust me there are lots of men who do want marriage, and i'm sure you can find one suitable for you.

 

Its hard to break up not knowing what the future holds, and I tell you, I am heartbroken now, but I KNOW in my heart it is the best decision I made.

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My parents went through a very nasty divorce when i was little. That, in addition to the fact that I have many aunts and uncles(big family)who have been divorced, has given me a VERY negative outlook on marriage and I would be fine if I never marry at all, if that is the case. So I can totally understand your boyfriend's stance. Its totally your choice though. If you feel that he wont get married or leaning towards not getting married at all, then you should consider if staying in the relationship any longer is worth it.

 

One of my co workers broke up with her boyfriend over this several years ago. However she usually complains that any boyfriends or dates she has had since does not compare to her ex and regrets breaking up with him and is quite depressed over it. She now feels that being together in love is more important than a "piece of paper" saying you are married, so to speak.

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it's really hard to get rid of negative feelings that you associate with marriage. if he comes from a past of 'broken homes'...he may not even realize how it's affected him.

 

my parents split briefly when i was younger. at the time (and for some time after that) i didn't really even consider how it affected me. it didn't feel like it really affected me at all. but it did. all of the underlying issues of how something like that comes to happen...really put a burden on me. i found that i needed to be confident that i would avoid all of those problems in order for me to commit to marriage.

 

that being said...i think if this applies to him...he'll need to figure it all out for himself. it's impossible to tell someone what they might be thinking or feeling when they don't really know themselves. it's a sad truth...but coming to his own realizations might take losing someone that he really cares about.

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answer to your question is yes and no

I am in a similar position, although my bf has gone from saying "i dont believe in marriage,i'm never getting married" to" one day, i would like to, hopefully" still no "i wanna marry you"

I do feel like it has alot to do with age too..when we started dating there was no way i was invited to tag along to hang out with him n his friends, recently it happens often cause they all have girlfriends and now they all bring them too..

Most my friends are older than me and i see it happen all the time..guys find it hard to commit in their early 20s, it makes them lose the best possible match for them then when they get to their late 20s all their friends start settling down and they do the same

 

last year one couple in this big group got married..within a year they all got engaged/married even though they were all in long-term relationships and could have been married a while ago

 

I could be very wrong but thats how ive seen it happen over and over again

 

But I have also seen girls that waste their best years with the wrong guy who has always said he doesnt want marriage, they get to their late 30s and are still single and depressed.

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