How would you feel and react?

[Kaiser_Soze]

I have been with this woman for about 2 years. The relationship has always been kinda hot and cold. We decided to take it to the next level and move in together. The problem is I am a very affectionate, passionate person with a extremely high sex drive, and she is not. She says she has never been that way. I find myself needing more in a relationship. I have always been one to enjoy romance, bonding and foreplay. In my eyes it is the life blood of any healthy relationship.

 

She claims she is completely satisfied with our relationship both inside and outside the bedroom and wants to get married. I have trouble believing that because she never initiates love making or intimate moments, we literally make out once every few weeks. We have sex a couple times a week. Whats the point if your not kissing and teasing all of the senses? There is no getting lost in each others eyes, or signs that she aches for me. This may not be a manly thing to admit, but, I don't feel loved or attractive to her. I am not an insecure person. I know I am good looking and have always had girlfriends that were into me and made me feel good. I honestly feel like a FWB. She has so many great qualities that would make her a great wife and mother, but I know I wouldn't be happy living like this for the rest of my life.

 

Her actions tell me that she's just not that into me. She says everything is perfect and that I just can't be happy. Are there really people who think a healthy relationship could exist in these conditions. I would greatly appreciate anyone who could shed some light on this as I really do love her, but I refuse to feel unwanted.

 

Oh and I have brought it up to her on many occassions and in many different ways all with the same result. She gets extremely deffinsive and angry. Just last night she said she hates me for feeling that way. She said she has never been happier. She refuses to talk about past relationships. She only says that she's just not that way.

[dreamwarrior]

Sorry to hear that...I was in the same type of relationship, but my guys sex drive wasn't as high as mine...heck I started having the urge in 3rd grade although I never acted on it...lol...during my periods I was hot, pregnancy...and even now in my 40's I still have a high drive...I think it's great...geez I wish my ex liked it several times a day but I was lucky to get it once every six months...I don't want my next guy to be like that...I am not getting any younger and don't want to waste the rest of my life in a sexless relationship...not good! Made me feel upset and resentful not to mention irritable since I had to take care of it myself.

 

Honestly, I don't think a relationship with a lack of sex will stand the test of time. In the future my guy better have his boxers off in bed every night. I like to kiss, hug, play, do different positions inside or outside...lol..yea I am a naughty lil lady! In my late teens and 20's I had to be careful having so much sex, because I ended getting pregnant 5 times!

[catfeeder]

You describe the relationship as hot and cold, so I'm wondering where the hot parts are?

 

Just because someone is a great person, that doesn't mean she's the right one for you. You can't coerce someone into wanting what they don't want, and this doesn't sound as though it's going to get any better.

 

If you move in together, it will be really difficult to untangle if you ever decide that platonic isn't enough for you. I wouldn't go through with it.

 

In your corner.