Why is he incapable of saying "I'm sorry"?

[hexaemeron]

My bf and I have a multitude of issues. He didn't work for almost 3 years and I supported us as best I could, but I went from having a single life of luxury to having a life of poverty level existence where I struggled to even pay rent and food. He gained probably 80 lbs during this time and between the stress of being the only breadwinner and his weight gain plus his constant harping (he has ADHD so he creates fights to get his stimulation) eroded any sexual desire I had for him. We've been largely sexless for over two years.

 

Now, as I say this, he and I both made a commitment to work on these things. However, I'm honestly wondering if it's even worth it. Yesterday as I was cleaning the apartment, I wanted to do my laundry for the week. I'm a technical trainer, so I'm in front of people all day. Shirts, ties, slacks. I have to be presentable and professional. He said "I've got the laundry." Now, the hours went by and I kept asking "Uh, when are you going to do those because I need them for work?" and he kept telling me to relax and that they'd be ready for me by morning.

 

So, I wake up this morning, and ALL of my work clothes are in the washer, soaking wet. I now have nothing to wear when I have to teach a class today. Now, you would think, after the constant "No, really, I've got it" he was doing about the laundry, he'd, you know, do it. But apparently "taking care of it" equals doing half the job and then calling me "a nitpicky * * * * * " when I ask him why the laundry isn't done that I was trying to do myself.

 

We had an IM conversation and it went around and around and he started trying to pin it on me. How would it possibly be my fault that he didn't finish the laundry he told me he would do, when all I wanted to do was do it myself?

 

This is just fuel to the fire that after three long, hair, painful years, it's time to put this horse of a relationship to sleep.

[pumpkinmoon]

If you both made a commitment to work through issues then I would hope that you both do that. However, if you have been trying to work on things for quite some times with no effort from him then it doesn't look like things are ever going to change and over time they will probably get worse.

 

It seems like he has lost all motivation to do anything in life, even simple tasks like the laundry are too much for him. Maybe you can suggest that he seek some help for this matter to find out why he is feeling this way in life and look for ways to turn it around.