When do grandparents go to far?

[Dapper]

I am curious to see what others felt about this issue.

 

Everyone knows how much grandparents like to spoil their grandchildren. To an extent this is fine, but when do they take it too far? When does it become a problem and interfere with what you are trying accomplish in developing your childs personality?

 

If anyone has a story they would like to tell on this, please contribute, and tell how you feel about it, and whether you believe this to be beneficial, harmful, or whether it does not affect the child's developement.

[BellaDonna]

Well- I think part of the joys of grandparenting is the spoiling aspect- but it must be reasonable and within moderation.

 

I think the following is important:

 

*Grandparents RESPECT parents

 

*Not feeding grandchildren foods that parents would obejct to feeding a child. (i.e. a child should not be able to eat an entire box of cookies or unlimited candy at their grandparnet's house.)

 

*Sleep and napping schedules similar to what the child gets at home should be observed. The parents are the ones who pay the price when a young child is sent home without a nap or allowed to stay up all hours of the night.

 

My mother watches my toddler. My husband and I are grateful that she does things the way we do them when she watches him (feeds him in a health-conscuios manner and makes sure he gets his sleep). With grandparents you have to allow them the freedom to do things their way,and do some spoiling, as long as it does not negatively effect the child. The love that my son gets from my mother can only make him a happier little boy.

 

I think grandparents are extremely beneficial to a child's development. They have a license to love. My grandparents meant (and still mean) the world to me. I want my son to have the same wonderful experience with his grandparents.

 

I think grandparenting only becomes a problem if the grandparents do not respct the parents and try to interfere or do things that are not in the child's best interest (like never saying "no" to the child, feeding them junk, no structure ,etc.)

[Sami Sue]

100% Agree!

 

My children are blessed with an aunt and uncle that respect our wishes as parents and keep a certain level of consistency with healthy foods and general code of conduct. They, of course, still have their liberties as aunt and uncle. My 4 year old absolutely adores them and I feel so lucky to have them in our life.

 

Grandma and Grandpa, on the other hand, undermine us at every turn. Grandma would be happy to fork over the junk food all day long and doesn't understand why our son can't have soda. When we are all visiting, and I need to tell him no or redirect his behavior, she literally looks at me with a pouty face. My son doesn't even pout at these things!

 

It would be ideal if grandparents could have the joy of offering some extras while still giving positive guidance and direction in the child's life.

[Sky-Cherries]

My mother is too strict with my daughter, my dad has no clue, my mother in law is too lax and my father is law is a responsibility-dodger.

 

I have constant struggles with them all, to the point where I'm prepared to pull the plug on all grandparenting activities.