Will I ever be completely healed?

[pushforward]

I've been putting myself out there a little more. Tired of being alone and unhappy because I feel my life is out of balance. I'm starving for love and I can feel the emptiness. I'm not looking for somebody to fill the void, but I would like to feel close to somebody again and share myself once more.

 

I spent a good majority of this weekend at home. Normally, I'd try to keep myself busy as possible, but there was simply nothing to do, other than gym and go eat with some friends here and there. Nothing to distract my thoughts or heart. I don't know if I'll ever be completely healed from this. It's been a good majority of time since this happened, but I'm still traumatized, for a lack of better words, over what happened.

 

I wonder if I'll ever be completely healed from this. Some days are okay, some days are still pretty bad and healing takes time, there isn't really a set date, but I'm tired of feeling heart broken over her. People have been there for me and try to appeal to the logical side of me, like "you'll find better", "she isn't the one", but the emotional side has strong connections to her.

 

I've taken this learning experience and trying to absorb everything. Myself self confidence is slowly coming back and I'm out there more, trying to make connections and forget the pain. I find more about myself and my personality and I feel powerless against this war with myself. I've given up a long time ago and it will not go away. It's going to be a full year in a few months. There has been progress, but I'm still sad over what happened, unsure of what really happened or why.

 

 

I've been seeking closure through my own means. Going out more, experiencing new things in my life and replacing memories of her with better ones. So far, some luck, here and there. I can't really see the big picture, why this happened or what's really changed. I've learned some things and I really have to change my life in drastic ways, so this never happens again. Or I'm never this hurt again so to speak. I'm too vulnerable when it comes to her, which sucks. The thoughts, the memories and feelings still get to me. I simply turn myself out and live in the moment, trying to forget what pushed me to do this in the first place.

 

I really do feel like I was living life to the fullest when we were together. Ever since my heart got broken and before I was committed to her, I was always afraid to live. I'm changing that and it's been a fun process. I've been doing my own little research about women and from what I can see, a lot of girls around my age and even in this area. It's all about social value, what a man is able to do for you, his status, his wealth, his image, his value in other women eyes. It's crazy learning about this stuff and I'm kind of reluctant to try and start dating again. So far, I'm reminded of what I don't like and learning more about the opposite sex, does not give me any hope.

 

Maybe I'm looking in all the wrong places, or hanging out with the wrong crowd.

[JohnGalt]

I think you should re-read your post. Obviously there's lots of progress that you've made over the year, mate. Don't be so hard on yourself. Would you have truly loved your ex if you were completely over it by now? You gave all you had to your love and now you have to experience the pain that comes with being betrayed or let down. You are a human and you have to recover at your own pace. It doesn't make you weak or immune to progress - it just means you loved well and gave it your all.

 

It will get infinitely better as time passes. The progress will become more pronounced. You will love again and you will have this experience to make you love wiser and better.

 

Chin up, mate.

[pushforward]

I think you should re-read your post. Obviously there's lots of progress that you've made over the year, mate. Don't be so hard on yourself. Would you have truly loved your ex if you were completely over it by now? You gave all you had to your love and now you have to experience the pain that comes with being betrayed or let down. You are a human and you have to recover at your own pace. It doesn't make you weak or immune to progress - it just means you loved well and gave it your all.

 

It will get infinitely better as time passes. The progress will become more pronounced. You will love again and you will have this experience to make you love wiser and better.

 

Chin up, mate.

 

Thanks for your words, I really needed them at the moment. I'm not trying to be hard on myself, but I'm tired of having feelings for the ex. Kind of repulsed at the fact that I still do. This is the first time that I've experienced anything of this sort and I handled myself well.

[Wolf_22]

I like what John said and want you to know pushforward that I'm in the same boat. It's been a year for me and everyday, I still think of her and feel that pain she left behind. I can honestly admit to feeling better more frequently, but still, I, too, have those days where everything seems to crash into me or rip open again. I fear that this is just the beauty of the beast and I also fear that this will never be removed until I find someone else, otherwise, it's just a case of management.

 

Regardless, I'm sure things will feel better soon. Just try to ride the waves and gut this storm out.

[tomtommyboy]

From what other posters have said it's been a year? I'm 2 years and I'm having a bad day about the ex so don't beat yourself up. I think until we move on to someone new, the last person is always going to have a special place, and from time to time down patches will bring all this stuff back up. Chill out, this will pass. Time is a healer.

[pushforward]

I'm emotionally tired today. I feel like sleeping it off right about now. It's been awhile since I wanted to cry at work. My head hurts from the thoughts of it. I tried really hard to distract myself. My life feels out of sync. I hate being in this place. This is hard. I don't even remember the reasons why I push on. All I know is, it's the best thing to do. I feel like I'm lost in a dark cave with one way out. There isn't any light. My perception of time and reality is off and I question how long have I really been here or if I should push forward.

 

I don't like being heartbroken. This isn't how life was meant to be lived.

[goodkarma_1]

hi push--

 

I know what you are feeling today - I was just about to post as well...im having one of thoes days too. I know this feeling sucks but you said it above "All I know is, it's the best thing to do" and it IS. Everyday is a struggle for me too but i know deep down that its the right thing to do. We jsut have to tread through the mud as hard as it is and keep pushing - we will get there!! I know hope is slim some days but the better days will outweight the bad ones soon. A few days ago marked a year for me and it feels like an eternity - but my heart is becoming a little lighter with each day and yours will too. Take advatage of each day - learn new things focus on a new hobby and in time the girl that deserves such a great guy like yourself will enter your life and you will be in love all over again. You need to take the time to heal right now. Stay strong, dont let her get you down she isnt worth your heart anymore. Hang in there Push

[Yanet]

Hey push, I feel for you. When you get emotionally attached to someone then break it off your ego gets hurt. It can take a long time to get over. However, from your first post it sounds like this girl was your first partner. You also say you're reading up about attracting women. I hope you don't find it intrusive of me to ask if you're having sex on a fairly regular basis?

 

Sure, you're looking for the emotional side, but all us humans have physical needs to. If you can satisfy one, it might be easier for you to deal with the other. If you're thinking a lot about the physical aspects with her and the feelings that would lead onto I suggest you desensitize yourself to sex. Go out and find some prostitutes - I hope legally, or start watching a lot of porn. Not for stimulation but just to stop caring about sex, e.g. have it on in the background while you browse ENA or when you're doing some work at your computer. Maybe it might make approaching women easier for you when getting laid isn't something you value so much anymore.

[pushforward]

Each day does get better, I know I deserve better. I've been diving into new things and working through the emotions. Just a long journey and battle. It's not her, I have to change a lot of myself, that's what hurts. Growing pains! Gotta change my inner world and focus on betterment. It's rough when heart broken though, but I'm guessing from this experience, it will teach me the most at this point in time.

 

 

 

I haven't been intimate with somebody, other than kissing. Sex isn't an issue at the moment, it's the emotional side of me that bests me. I don't need to desensitize myself to women, I'm just meeting the wrong women, that's all.

 

This is kind of a weird topic, suggest prostitution... Porn in the background while I'm on ENA or work. Sex is important to me, don't get me wrong, but I'm not craving for physical attention, I'm craving love. =/

[device04]

Hey, I just wanted to say that I think you are doing the right things for yourself to get yourself back on track. Don't worry about finding someone to help fill a void or anything like that. I think that will happen naturally on it's own when you are truly ready to let someone into your life, and heart, again. Don't force something that isn't meant to be, you don't want to hurt yourself, or the other person, in that case.

 

Just keep plowing forward and working to improve and heal yourself. It's a long, hard process, believe me. My ex just dumped me a week ago and I've been going through much of the same emotional exhaustion and loneliness that you speak about ever since. Unfortunately this time it wasn't meant to be, and it hurts like nothing else. Just know that it will get better with time, slowly, we just have to keep on going.

 

I

[pushforward]

Yeah, it is a hard process. Gotta cut out someone who I thought would be a part of my life and grow old with me. I'm not going to force anything with anybody. Experiencing this was the best thing that could ever happen to me. I don't know what to do though, first time experience as well.

 

I'm lost in the moment, all I know is just to focus on me and life will take care of the rest. Change is always for the better.

 

I wonder if I'll ever let go and stop having her so close to my heart. Not sure if this is love or unrequited love.