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Feeling very insecure :-( Please help!


Karainbow

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Hi everyone,

 

Recently I have been feeling very insecure about myself. Recently I have noticed my boyfriend glancing at oter women wen we are out. I know it's normal and I notice attractive men too, but I can't help but feel I might not match up. It feels like my confidence crumbles everytime I notice him doing it.

 

I think I feel this way because my ex always made it obvious that he never thought I was what he wanted. I was never enough and he was addicted to porn and cheated on me twice and said I was an embaraassment in front of his female friends. He even told me that if someone better came along then he would take that opportunity. Don't ask me why I stayed - I was just too scared to be alone. (This was six years ago though and I spent three years single to learn to love and respect myself).

 

Another ex (before I took some time out to learn self-worth) could never commit. He would sleep around at any opportunity.

 

Now, my current boyfriend is lovely. He grew up with two older sisters and really knows how to treat and understand women. He is very kind, loving and considerate, but I find it hard to talk to him about this because I don't want him to be turned off by me being miserable.

 

I used to be okay with him looking at other women because I know it's natural, but as we have now being dating for over a year, I can't help but feel that maybe these other women are attractive because he's used to being with me. You know - the whole grass is greener on the other side thing. I KNOW he isn't like that though and constantly shows how much he loves me and how gorgeous he thinks I am. It's just all this STUPID carp from my past that is now coming back to haunt me.

 

How can I get over it? How can I get over having felt completely inadequate in my past reationships. I felt like I had become a bore to my ex's therefore they were lusting after other women.

 

Please help

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it is completely normal to feel insecure.

one thing that jumped out at me is your comment about how he looks at other women & you look at other men.

 

if you are truly with the person you are meant to be with i dont think you have eyes for other people.

 

i just got out of a very serious relationship 2 weeks ago because i pursued other men & that is a sign that you r not happy with what you have.

 

im sure you are a beautiful person & you need to find someone who can show you that by being faithful in every possible way

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Have the two of you talked about this behavior at all? I would talk about it. If you guys have a solid relationship I think that those types of feelings need to be laid out on the table. It starts with how your'e feeling now and it will move on to doubts about your relationship and you'll beat yourself up constantly. Just talk to him. I think it's kind of natural to look at other women or men myself. I don't think it's necessarily a sign that he's looking for something "better", but I can understand how you would feel that way because of how you allowed yourself to be treated in the past.

 

Talk to him about it. I can say from personal experience that my mind wanders a lot, even when I'm in a relationship. I'm a very visual person, I'm always looking for beaty in nature. I find myself getting distracted when I drive and things like that. Some people are just like that. His eyes probably wander a lot but you only really pay attention when it's at other women. He probably just needs a heads up that you've noticed and it bothers you. If he loves you like he says he does he'll stop. Give him a chance to help you feel better about it.

 

Good luck!

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Thank you for your replies. Yes i think it's natural too to find other's attractive. Neither would ever pursue anything though.

 

Startoveragaing: Yes you are right, he is a people watched and does get distracted very easily by things in general. I do tend to only notice it when it's women though. Sometimes I even think i'm imagining it sometimes. I just can't seem to get over the past with the ex's.

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