princess5 Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 So guys, long story short, ex dumped me 6 months ago cos he wanted to be single (hes only 22), he wanted to stay friends, I couldnt do so because every time we met up we ended up kissing and it was killing me because I knew he was with other girls at the same time. About a month ago i told him to never contact me again, let me move on. Then i got a birthday card from him 2 weeks ago saying he loves me always and misses me which threw me cos I was wondering if he was starting to come around. I feel so foolish. On Fri nyt I sent him a text saying you love me and miss me but its not enough. No reply from him. Guess it kinda annoyed him. but he was on email chat to me last night and he started messaging me and I said so I guess theres no hope for us anymore. He totally blew up and said "God you're always trying to bring up the relationship, I'm not goign over the reasons for our break up for the millionth time. there's hope for us being nice to each other, cant believe you're trying to sabotage that, take care of yourself". I feel devastated, like Ive blown it completely. I was doing so well for teh past month or so, now Im back at square one. All the progress I have made is now gone. And whatever hope there was that he might come back to me has now been dashed. I wish I had just left him alone to his thoughts , instead of pressurizing him. But i guess I would have always wondered "what if" if I hadnt sent the message. Moral of the story, dont ever text yoru ex and bring up the relationship, it drives them insane! Link to comment
soulmeetsbody Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Hello Princess5, I'm really sorry about what's happening to you. I don't think you were pressuring him that hard to be honest. And also, many times I thought I had blown it with my ex and we'd get back together even after he'd accuse me of sabotaging every chance of being friendly and nice to each other. Eventually I went NC and let the negative emotions of the breakup and arguments fade away and I felt less and less guilty about my reactions. I'm not saying your ex will come back, but I think you'll feel much worse over the next few weeks if you let yourself believe you sabotaged everything. The thing is, the relationship was over before the breakup. He already didn't want to be with you anymore - his loss- and your immediate reactions (frustration, anger, wanting to understand what happened) and the way you let them show are perfectly normal. You will feel good when you realize that RIGHT now, there's nothing you can do. You may believe you pushed him even more but he was already pulling away. You'll gain control over the situation and your feelings by doing NC, like you said. You need to heal and gain perspective and it is impossible to do right after a breakup if you're still in touch with him. Out of your sight, out of your mind. You wont be thinking about the girls he's hanging out with or the reasons why it happened. The breakup just happened, and there's nothing else to it. You have done some major progress since the breakup, but you'll only feel it when you let him go for good... and I bet he must be confused by the situation as well. Move on! It really wasn't meant to be. If it is, you'll find your way back to each other, but find out who you are as a single, not emotionally attached to anyone person first. Hope it makes sense and good luck Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Do not beat yourself up over this. He did indeed egg you on by writing that he loved you and missed you. He did what dumpers typically do...throw out little carrots and then pull them away. You did not ruin anything..HE ruined it. Go back to no contact and next time he sends you something lame, just ignore it. The only message you should respond to from him is if he says that he made a mistake and wants to get back together with you. All other messages are to be taken with a grain of salt and ignored. Link to comment
princess5 Posted March 16, 2009 Author Share Posted March 16, 2009 I just feel that if he wanted me by now or had changed his mind he would have said it straight out. I shouldnt have read into his birthday card, but I have a tendency to do things like that anyway. Just feel so humiliated and depressed, exactly like I felt on day one after the break up. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 I just feel that if he wanted me by now or had changed his mind he would have said it straight out. I shouldnt have read into his birthday card, but I have a tendency to do things like that anyway. Just feel so humiliated and depressed, exactly like I felt on day one after the break up. When someone writes that they love you and miss you, it is a natural tendency to feel that they might be reconsidering. Don't beat yourself up over it. It is his thoughtlessness that led to this. Link to comment
princess5 Posted March 16, 2009 Author Share Posted March 16, 2009 Thank you so much for your comments, you're so good! So would you just recomment strict no contact from now on? I feel like if I texted him again, I'd definitely lose him forever (if I havent already done so). Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Thank you so much for your comments, you're so good! So would you just recomment strict no contact from now on? I feel like if I texted him again, I'd definitely lose him forever (if I havent already done so). Yes, go sign up for the no contact challenge. This is how I do it since I want to get back with my ex. I do no contact without letting her know I'm going no contact, but I make it pretty obvious that I'm not interested in communicating with her. How? I block her from Facebook, I block her Instant message names and under no circumstances do I ever call or text her. Since I want to get back together with her, I've left two modes of communication available - both require her to contact me: email/text and phone. I ignore emails or texts that have no purpose. If she calls about something important I will talk to her. If it borders on the friendly, I let her know I have other stuff to do and I get off the phone. I did this for over a month and during this time we had 0 contact. Recently she called me for a date and we both had a great time. No animosity and none of the hurtful things that she was saying a month ago. Looks now like reconciliation is a possibility; I would've said no chance a month ago. So in other words, go sign up for the no contact challenge! Good luck Link to comment
TomboyMS Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Thank you so much for your comments, you're so good! So would you just recomment strict no contact from now on? I feel like if I texted him again, I'd definitely lose him forever (if I havent already done so). I agree with John. NC is the way to go. Link to comment
Fionnuala Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Yes, go NC. And I also agree that you shouldn't beat yourself up over this. For him to send you a card saying he loves you and misses you and then get mad at you for "always bring up to the relationship" is ridiculous. He's being selfish and unfair to you. If he doesn't want to talk about the relationship, he shouldn't bring up feelings related to the relationship. Gah. This kind of thing makes me so mad! haha, anyway, yeah, go NC. John's advice is great, make it so that he has to contact you, and don't give him much unless he's doing more than giving you empty words and "friendly" conversations. Link to comment
princess5 Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 Does anyone know what he is playing at? why did he say the words I love you and miss you? just to keep me sweet I guess. Such confusing behaviour. He is being so unfair to me in a way, and I just wish I knew what is going on in his head. Maybe there's another girl on the scene, but would he have said he loved and misses me if there was? ahhh!! All these questions!! agony! Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Can I just mention, and I dont want to be the bearer of bad news.. But the NC tactic, should not be used to GET THEM BACK. It WILL make you miserable, and I am talking from experience. NC should be used to help you heal, and sometimes exes do come back as a default. If you spend your waking minutes, days thinking. " wow, 28, 60 days down, he should contact me soon" Your on a slippery road down to failure and your life will become gloomy...which is why in the OP case, eventual contact turns into a declaration of undying love which the dumper is not ready for! GMB X Link to comment
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