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I don't know what happened


meatnpotato

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Hi everyone!

My girlfriend of 8 months broke up with me the other day. She told me it was getting too hard for her and she wants to be alone.

 

Things were going so well, until the past month, when we broke up. That break up didn't end well, we argued and she said the same thing. She tends to avoid confrontation. I keep asking her what's getting difficult, and want to talk things through. But she avoids any confrontations and insists that we don't talk about it and leave her alone. We talked to each other the next day and she said she'd think about it our relationship, and the next week she contacted me and said she wanted to give it another shot. We remained LC at that point before getting back together.

 

We got back together, and things were going great. We saw each other a few times more. We spent the weekend together at a spa.Then the week after she started getting stressed with work and home, and she felt I wasn't helping and making it more difficult for her. She said she'd call me one night, but never called. The next morning I asked her what she was doing or what happened, and she got very annoyed and said she fell asleep. I didn't think much of it. But she got annoyed because she thought I was insecure.

 

Now we broken up again, and she says she wants to end it completely. She doesn't want to have any contact or have no desire to start anything again. She says she doesn't love me. But I have a feeling she's just saying that because she feels too much pressure and says our relationship is getting to hard for her. I keep calling her to keep talking about it, but she doesn't say anything and refuses to listen/understand anything i'm saying. BTW, I am leaving the country in 2 weeks and will be back in about 3 months...

I feel she still cares/love me but afraid to say it. She says we can be friends, but can't be anything more... I am so confused, I honestly don't know what happened...

 

I love her so much. I don't know what I'd do without her. I don't know if I could be her friend... if there was hope of something in the future...

 

thanks guys!

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Is it possible she met someone else? Quite frankly if she is the type of person who doesn't explain herself and just twists everything around to blame you then you are better off walking away and not looking back. People like that are not great for relationships because they lack communication skills and they, as you have learned. tend to blindside their partner...you don't know what is going on until they pull the rug out from under you. Go away for three months and have a good time...don't even contact her before you go. She wanted out of the relationship, claims you are too insecure (she has no understanding that when someone behaves as she did the other person starts to feel insecure because they don't know and understand what is going on), well, show her you don't need her and that you can walk away from her. Do not contact her when you leave and while you are away. Let your silence speak volumes and then let her wonder what is going on.

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Thanks for your reply!!

 

I mean she said she'd give it another shot, but we got into a small argument which wasn't a big deal. she blew it out of proportion and said it was too hard for her. I feel she didn't even give it a chance... Maybe self esteem problems? I'm not quite sure.

I asked her if she was meeting someone else, she said she wasn't. She isn't the one that tends to lie. I guess to her it isn't such a big deal, that she shouldn't explain herself. At some point when she's upset, she ignores all my phone calls, and says I'm stressing her out because of it.

She is the sweetest person when she isn't upset. She is a very cheerful person, and sometimes her action doesn't explain her behavior.

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Look forward to being free and not subject to the complications of a LDR while you are abroad. This is a blessing in disguise for you.

 

Agree with CAD, if she can't openly discuss relationship issues after 8 months, and just gives pronouncements, this is not a person who would be good for you longterm.

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Thanks for the feedback!!

 

I know I should have NC, but its so hard to.. I spend all day thinking about it. She puts up a wall, but after she puts the wall down, she is willing to talk. Sometimes she can be stubborn about it. I just don't know what to do at the moment, she says she has no desire to go back. But she says she wants to be friends so easily. Although she says she just doesn't want to date anyone and want to be by herself.

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Although she says she just doesn't want to date anyone and want to be by herself.

Give this time. I know it's hard to understand, but give it time and let it work itself out.

 

If it's actually another guy (and I've been through that), it's hopeless in the short run -- there's no way to reason with someone under the spell of "new love." You gotta let that spell wear off, which it probaly will.

 

Women really do wanna be by themselves sometimes and work things out in their heads. Let her. In the meantime, concentrate on your own head.

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Meatnpotato, im going through the exact same thing. Things were great then out of blue get dumped, few weeks later back together, she said sorry i now know what i want and will never walk again, and after 3 weeks and the smallest row she did it again. She also says she wants to be on her own forever and that she doesnt want to try again, butshe seemedso down with life at the time. Its the worst break up ive ever been through as we were very good at the time, had just taken her kids to meet my parents, got on great then bang. No closure at all. Nearly 2 months on almost as confused as ever.

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Meatnpotato, im going through the exact same thing. Things were great then out of blue get dumped, few weeks later back together, she said sorry i now know what i want and will never walk again, and after 3 weeks and the smallest row she did it again. She also says she wants to be on her own forever and that she doesnt want to try again, butshe seemedso down with life at the time. Its the worst break up ive ever been through as we were very good at the time, had just taken her kids to meet my parents, got on great then bang. No closure at all. Nearly 2 months on almost as confused as ever.

 

Thanks for your post and taking the time to read my post!

Yeah! Oh man, I'm sorry to hear about that. 2 months? I don't know how I'd do with 2 months. I'm not trying to think of it in terms of how long it will take. I'm still confused and at a lost.

Same thing... -.-

Things were going so great, and out of the blues this happens. I guess I just want to understand the reasoning behind it.. It just doesn't make sense...

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Same thing happened to me around Xmas and I just want to say that keeping in touch and being there and asking what happened has...NOT HELPED ME. Do you want to be doing this for months?

 

My ex also said there was no one..but that kind of behavior where they shut down and won't talk...leads me to believe.

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My ex also said there was no one..but that kind of behavior where they shut down and won't talk...leads me to believe.

 

I've seen it, too.

The saying she'll call, and not calling.

The distance (too busy/stressed to talk), and refusal to communicate.

The defensiveness (turning it around and saying that you're too insecure).

The 'needing space', then coming back.

And suddenly she doesn't "want to have any contact or have no desire to start anything again"

 

All of these things indicate that there very well may be someone else in the picture that you don't know about.

 

Then again, maybe she's just freaking out because you'll be out of the country for so long. But I doubt it.

Either way, she is being uncommunicative, and there is something she's not telling you. And either way, that spells bad news in a relationship.

 

She says she doesn't love you? Believe her.

If she was worth her salt, and does love you, she'd be trying to show you that she does.

I agree with the others who say that getting away for 3 months is a blessing. Focus on yourself, and focus on just enjoying your time away.

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yer, same for me, 2 months since we split and its still so so painful, she broke up with me and now she's seeing this other guy, but i dnt no if its a rebound relationship or not, cos me and her are bothe friends with him, they were alwasy gd friends, i sound horrible but i dhoep it sdoesnt work out between them =[. as for blokes poor blokes like us who wind up getting the most hurt, we have to try and appear normal, as if everything is ok when it really isnt, trust me i still break down and cry, even in the middle of a lesson or something.i dont sleep, eat anything, saw my dr gave me some anti depressant stuff.it sucks so much.but we can only try to feel better by acting better and going out with friends, my only problem is that we have them same friendship group =[ so if her and this new guy will be there(which im the only one who actually knows aout them atm)i will ed up breaking down in fornt of them =[ not good. it is so hard mate, and every1 says itll get better, its like no1 understands u wen u tell them it wont feel better.=[ hang on in there, NC is ok but so, so so hard

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Thanks you guys!!

 

I ask her if there is anyone else, and she says no. She said she likes me too much to do that. But her actions says otherwise. She says that asking her that annoys her..

I know I should have NC with her, but its so difficult! but I'm going to put myself to the challenge. I'm having a hard time eating and sleeping as well and trying not to feel depressed.

She knows I'll be out of the country, but for about 3 months, maybe more or maybe less. because I met her abroad, and going back home for a bit to take care of a few things. I thought she is freaking out too, at first that's what it was about. And she says its difficult for her to continue. She is a bit reserved, but she doesn't have any reasons..

 

Thanks again guys for your comments and support!

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Thanks you guys!!

 

I ask her if there is anyone else, and she says no. She said she likes me too much to do that. But her actions says otherwise. She says that asking her that annoys her..

I know I should have NC with her, but its so difficult! but I'm going to put myself to the challenge. I'm having a hard time eating and sleeping as well and trying not to feel depressed.

 

 

i rele feel for you mate =[ i found it so hard not to NC as us guys when we are in love just seem to have to make sure they're ok, which sumtimes they dnt like i did it and caused my situation to be worse, sed there was noone else she'd rather have and if she could love me like she did sh wud in a second!but she cant - its just these things makes u feel worthless=[ i got to same6th form as my ex and see her everyday-EVEN HARDER! im still so head over heels in love with her but the world has been tipped upside down and im falling off!

im still not eating and sleeping, well the sleeps coming back, i got 4 hours the other nite instead of my usual 2 and a bit =[.im on some tablets to help with my depression and i rele need to eat, i have lost a stone and a half in the past 2 months-and i only weighed just over 9 stone to begin with!its always going to be difficult and people wont understand why you still like her.steer clear of her friends-cos they pressure her into doing wat they want and aking her feel guilty for liking you.found out today that my ex still rele likes me but was feeling bad cos her friends sed she shudnt =[.i cudve gotten her back i hate her friends- BUT all of us here uinderstand your stress and pain, rele truly i do.

take care mate

x

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oh man.. i'm going through the same thing too. food doesn't have any taste... i wake up in middle of the night dozens of time. a day feels like a year.

thanks for the support. i hope you get better too..

i'm going to start NC, and see how things go.

when we got back together, i feel she didn't really give it a chance... i guess thats what's been haunting me the most. saying that we're back together wasn't enough. i guess we needed more time to go through what happened instead of jumping right into it. sometimes her emotions cloud her judgment at the moment. i just want her to understand, but sometimes too stubborn to comprehend...

i mean she tells me she likes me a lot, that she wouldn't want to hurt me. she wants to stop. i guess time should help, but we had LC for about 2 weeks the last time we broke up. during which time she said she needed time to think about our relationship. after which she said she needed about 2 weeks, and she calls me before 2 weeks saying she realized how important the relationship meant to her. but after about another 2 weeks, we got into a little bit of a rough patch, and she said it was too hard for her.

she is a little bit older than i am, so she had thought about marriage too. she thought i wouldn't be thinking about things in the long run. then talking about things like this openly was the first step in opening communications without tension. i thought we could talk about things like this, but sometimes she's reserved. i don't know if its a self esteem problem or some kind of trust issue.

she thinks this is for the best. i guess because whenever we get into a rough patch i pressure her into talking about it, and she just wants to be left alone. she says hurtful things because she doesn't want to talk about it. her stubbornness gets the best of her. i really don't know what happened. i guess reacting to what was happening was my mistake. but i'll continue to initiate NC.. until then! thanks guys!^^

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I don't think she is necessarily seeing someone else. My ex, I think, had a very similar response about the breakup. I kept thinking that she was seeing someone else. I saw some pictures of her with a friend that made me more convinced. I confronted her, she said she wasn't, and I didn't believe her. I would bring it up discretely during LC with a denial every time. It turns out she wasn't seeing the guy that I thought she was. However, she is now, and it is quite possible my insecurity and question drove her to it. I also tried to come up with other reasons, that drove me deeper into the hole with her, because none of the reasons were true. So, my advice is to just assume that she doesn't know what she wants, and go NC. Give it time. Don't make the same mistakes I did. I wouldn't have been able to change what I thought was true anyhow, so the only option really is to give it time.

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meant n potatoe and also longdisst, what you both say i knwo what you mean,

is it like she has closed her mind to you two ever being together again?

it sucks =[

almost as if anythign you could ever do will not make her feel the same.

=[

but NC seems to work for some, erm ill find the thread by this guy, ASHUN is his name

take a look, it gave me so much hope.

my ex is now seeing another guy who is like the perfect person for her, much like i was.but not as good as me (in my viewpoint!)

like you said longdist, i think i drove her to go out with this guy, who has incidentally been one of my friends since she introduced me to him at the start of our relationship! and aslo i found out he has always liked her..........

im just hopeing,

dreaming

that its just an impulse thing with him.. that she will come back , thats all i have got to live for it seems, as silly as i sound over this one girl.

but im sure you both feel like me too.

x

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is that guy's thread, read it all, trust me it will make u either cry or smile or give you so much hope, u will know what to do.

ok im going to admit, i cried a little, hoping i cud have that with my ex

take care guys

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