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5 Signs of A Strong Friendship – ...
5 Signs of A Strong Friendship – Spotting A True Friend

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Okay, backstory:

 

I am really close to my younger brother, (we are 11 months apart) and so I usually hang out with him and his friends if my friends are busy or not doing anything, etc.

 

His best friend is this guy I get along with great, who is really good- looking and a major flirt. I have a long- term boyfriend who I am completely in love with, and entirely sure I want to be with forever.

 

The situation is that there is major chemistry with my bro’s friend. Nothing would ever happen in a million years, but it is very obvious. Because I am taken I never flirt with this guy, but he tries to with me all the time.

He flirts with every girl, so I’m not under the delusion he’s in love with me or anything, (although when he was drunk he did tell me he was in love with me, but went home with another girl anyway) but there is definitely something more there.

 

I’ll admit I am attracted to him, and it would be different if I were single, but my bf is my soulmate and I have no worries anything will ever happen between us.

The problem is girls that like him get really jealous of me, and nasty things have been said. My bf has also asked me if there is anything going on between us.

(I only see this guy when I hang with my bro, we never hang out alone or talk on the phone or anything, it’s always a group setting.)

 

What would you guys do? I enjoy hanging out with my bro but as his best friend that guy will always be there, and I don’t like him thinking something may happen between us as it is not an option. His flirting and comments don’t really bother me, but I don’t want to lead him on.

Also, some of the things other girls have said (one girl in particular) are getting a little hard to laugh off or ignore.

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I see. Would you be comfortable confronting him yourself then?

If your boyfriend is getting suspicious, I think it's time you set this guy straight because it could effect your relationship with your boyfriend.

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I've made it perfectly clear to this guy, even outright told him there was no chance.

 

And I don’t mean like he follows me around or keeps hassling me to go out with him or anything, but sometimes he does and says things that could be innocent, but because of the chemistry between us and my relationship it just seems a little inappropriate.

 

Examples:

 

Jokingly (I think) telling me how we should be together

 

The drunken ‘I’m in love with you’

 

In front of some guys after the girl he had just started seeing went to the bathroom, he grabs me in a hug from behind and tells them I’m his ‘real’ girlfriend.

 

Asking to stay at my house after parties when he knows my bf isn’t home

 

Trying to pick me up in a hug all the time

 

If we’re somewhere loud he says things in my ear but gets really close, puts his hand on the back of my neck and his lips ‘accidentally’ brush against my cheek and mouth.

 

Telling me I’m gorgeous all the time

 

There’s more, but you can see what I mean.

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Tell your bf how it is, and ask him if he's comfortable with you hanging out with this guy. Hell, show him this thread if it wouldn't cause issues.

 

He's got nothing to worry about, but unless he's sure, it could end up affecting your relationship, and that's the last thing you want.

 

*EDIT* After reading your examples, I gotta say, it needs to stop. Brushing his lips against you, for instance, is completely inappropriate, and you wouldn't be too hard pressed to find girls who'd smack someone upside the head for pulling something like that when she had a boyfriend.

 

You need to tell this guy in no uncertain terms that what he's doing isn't right.

 

*EDIT x2* I also gotta take back the suggestion to show your bf this thread, as he might decide to provide aforementioned upside headslap himself...

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*EDIT* After reading your examples, I gotta say, it needs to stop. Brushing his lips against you, for instance, is completely inappropriate, and you wouldn't be too hard pressed to find girls who'd smack someone upside the head for pulling something like that when she had a boyfriend.

 

Believe me, I have slapped him more than once.

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Believe me, I have slapped him more than once.

 

Obviously not hard enough

 

Seriously though, if you can't get the message through, you have to remove yourself from the situation. I know it's not an ideal solution, but you can't afford to have that kind of... temptation? risk? in the way of you and your bf, if you truly love each other as much as you say. It's not worth the risk, and it *is* a risk, no matter how controlled you are.

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i think you probably like the attention. just stay away from him

 

 

I do stay away, I never talk with him on the phone or alone or anything like that, but if I want to hang with my brother (which isn't like every weekend or anything) I have to accept the fact he will be there.

 

It is flattering that a good looking guy is interested in me, but after it's been made clear that it will never happen, it just gets uncomfortable. And I don't like other girls gossiping that something is going on.

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Well my advice would be to talk to him one last time, tell him it's inappropriate, not what you want, and it needs to stop.

 

If it doesn't, you can cold shoulder him or avoid him entirely, as long as whatever you do works.

 

It's a * * * * ty situation, but it's gotta be dealt with.

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You mentioned that you've told your brother about this but did you mention all the stuff the guy has done to you? If not, then try and make your bro understand, like what he would do if the guy does this kind of thing to his girlfriend. It's really inappropriate behavior even for an obvious flirt. Otherwise you could just cease contact with the guy and only hang out with your brother whenever he's not there.

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You've got to think about how much you value your relationship with your boyfriend because situations like this could really screw with it. If I were you I would make clear with everyone, including my boyfriend, that nothing is going on. I would explain to my boyfriend that I have no feelings for the other guy, but he is a major flirt and you think he may be interested in you. I would also confront your brother's friend and ask him if he's just flirting because he's a flirt, or if he does have feelings for you. If he admits to the latter, then you need to draw some lines and explain that you have a boyfriend, and that the flirting is inappropriate and could lead to problems.

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