Jump to content

hey everyone


gree

Recommended Posts

hey, i'm new and well i don't really know why i am posting. guess i just want to speak my mind. well i am not really cutting anymore, or i am not sure what i am thinking. haven't really felt that confused since last november. i just go ahead and explain my story.

 

so last november i was working and had a nice life actually, suddenly i started getting really weird. i quit my job, because i didn't want to work with my boss, i dumped my appartment. i dyed my hair red. i started cutting, a lot. i have 7 burnmarks on my hand. i was suicidal, and what bugs me the most is that when i think about it all i really dont know why i was like that.

 

i have a hard time even making this post, since it feels like every letter i type makes no sense at all, i am thinking of cutting again. last time i did was 3 weeks ago. just one cut tho.

 

ohh god. really i don't understand myself anymore. has anyone been so confused to the point where you arent sure if you want to sit or stand, or if you want to do this or that.

 

i know this all makes no sense. just reply when you got a idea of what i am talking about. i think i could use some help. i think im even paniking a little now.

 

sorry for the grammar.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey,

 

Sorry to hear your going through such hurt and pain It makes me want to give you a hug and to tell you everything will be okay.

 

First of all you need to sit down and think what has led you to do this. Is it someone who has hurt you in the past? Family? Friends? the way you see yourself? The only way you will stop hurting your poor self is to stop it and think i do have a life to live. So you need to change the way you think for starters. Yes there is a point in bothering with life. If you do nothing and keep cutting yourself you wont get better. This book has helped me a lot with feeling low and getting despressed i think you should read it - it's called you can heal your life by Louise Haye. Buy it!

 

Do you have friends to talk to?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i have alot of friends, i just dont know myself anymore. im not a good person. actuallyim convinced that i am a bad person. i hurt others around me all the time, intentionally. and the worst thing is that i know that i could be a nice guy. but the effort it takes is just too much.

 

i really dont know where to start. i am drinking alot lately. i got into a fight when i was drunk, i dont even know why i got into the fight. and now i feel bad about it. im not really feeling pain, its more a feeling like someone would press their hands on my throat. and i have a hard time focusing on things.

 

i think, i am setting myself traps, the more i think about it the more it seems to be true. the last 8 or so years i have been making poor decisions that have got me into trouble so many times. not enough to make me stop but still. i dont know myself anymore, i dont recognise myself anymore. and i really dont know what i should do.

 

i think i need someone to just beat me up, or to hurt me, because i dont know why but i think i deserve it. i stopped talking to my mom, to the point where i completely ignore her. and i know she feels bad but i just cant stop. im even sorry to bother you guys. maybe i am just venting i just dont know what i am going through.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi gree, I'm sorry your feeling so terribly out-of-sorts.

Look, you are not a bad person any more than anyone else is a bad person-- we're all just human. Nobody's perfect, so try not to beat yourself up unnecessarily.

 

When you feel yourself starting to panic, try to focus on just breathing; calmly and slowly; just focus on the way that breathing feels, the way that things smell, the sensation of the air in your lungs.

If this helps, try to use it as a way to calm yourself.

 

The worst thing that you can do right now is to be drinking or using drugs.

If your head/heart's not feeling right, these types of substances will only further cloud your ability to make sense of things again.

Basically, you'll be risking making things even more complicated than they already feel.

 

In some ways, drinking too much, cutting, and making impulsive (poor) decisions

might all be more similar than they might seem at first glance--

--all of those actions seem to serve as both escape/self-destruction...

 

It sounds like you're really overwhelmed at the moment.

In fact, it sounds like what you're dealing with is a lot for one person to tackle all alone-- perhaps even too much for a person to tackle all alone.

 

If you don't have anyone that you feel like you can talk to, or if you're afraid that no-one you know will understand, or if you're worried that people might judge you the way that you are judging yourself...

We are all here; present and willing to hear whatever it is you need to say.

 

But gree, the stuff that's going on in your head sounds very complicated, and people on the internet won't be able to provide you with everything that you need right now--

PLEASE, see if you can find a counselor to talk to.

There's a way through this, and I have faith that you can find it.

 

We're here for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well it's good you came here. We are here to help you through difficult situations. You should go and seek some help maybe that will help you like counselling sessions. Would you consider it? What happened with your mom? Can't you work things out? Your not a bad person at all. It's because your in a depressive state of mind.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i dont think i want to talk to a counsellor, i was in a klinic and they said i was fine. even tho i had the cuts and all. i went through therapy for 20 days, they said there was nothing wrong with me and i even felt good when i got out. but now since 2 months i have been having problems, i dont really know what i want, or if i want it.

 

i dont think i want any help, i just want to know why, why i am like this and when did it all start. cant really put the pieces into place. right now it feels as if there are more then 1 person in my head. but that wouldnt make any sense.

 

talking to friends about this topic is hard. since i feel it doesnt really helm me nor them. all it would do is make things complicated. and they would start worrieing again. so i just pretend to be fine and have been just drinking with them, and trying to get them into drinking with me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i was in a klinic and they said i was fine. even tho i had the cuts and all. i went through therapy for 20 days, they said there was nothing wrong with me and i even felt good when i got out. but now since 2 months i have been having problems, i dont really know what i want, or if i want it.

 

The clinic may have thought you were fine at that time, but that was then and this is now.

Right now, you're telling us that you don't feel good, so it doesn't really matter if the clinic thought you were okay.

 

i dont think i want any help, i just want to know why, why i am like this and when did it all start.

 

Somewhere deep inside you are the clues to the answers that you seek.

 

If you are willing to look inside yourself, and to do the work that it will take to find those answers-- even if looking inside yourself is a scary and sometimes painful thing to do-- then a counselor can help you to that.

 

cant really put the pieces into place. right now it feels as if there are more then 1 person in my head. but that wouldnt make any sense.

 

Look at it this way:

 

Imagine yourself in a dark room and you've dropped something precious only to hear it shatter. You know something's broken, but you can't fix it in the dark-- heck, you can't even find the pieces. You could try to stumble around in the dark, and if you get really lucky, maybe you can find the pieces... but it's just as likely that won't, or that you'll step on one of the pieces and hurt your foot. Plus, even if you do find all the pieces, how can you find the glue? Or see well enough to use it?

 

Imagine that the right counselor has a bright lantern.

You will still have to find the pieces, and you will still have to glue them together,

but calling in the help of someone to help shed some light on the situation will probably make things way easier for you than they might be if you keep stumbling around in the dark.

 

talking to friends about this topic is hard. since i feel it doesnt really helm me nor them. all it would do is make things complicated. and they would start worrieing again. so i just pretend to be fine and have been just drinking with them, and trying to get them into drinking with me.

 

Pretending will only get you so far, which is something that maybe you're realising right now.

When you start feeling better, you won't have to pretend!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...